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Original poster

Found a mobile in DH's desk draw

510 replies

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:25

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

OP posts:
AuntieJune · 05/06/2023 14:27

Are you sure it's not a work one or an old one?

Freefall212 · 05/06/2023 14:28

I have two old phones in various drawers. Why do you think this is one he is actively using for nefarious reasons?

orangegato · 05/06/2023 14:29

I have a graveyard of old phones lying about, personal and work. Maybe just ask?

AuntieJune · 05/06/2023 14:29

As to addressing it with him - I think the advice on here is to find some irrefutable evidence first, plus get financial documents etc if you think the relationship might be heading for divorce/separation. If you ask, he'll likely deny an affair.

Can you wait and see if a message flashes up on preview without needing to unlock the phone? Any suspicious transactions in joint bank account or anything?

GoodChat · 05/06/2023 14:30

Were you looking in the drawer because you were suspicious or did you have a genuine reason to be looking?
If you had a genuine reason, just tell him that and ask what this phone is for.

Presumably it was charged and you didn't have to charge it, so it's not an old unused one?

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:30

I've never seen it before so it's definitely not an old one and he's never said he had a work phone before, he always uses his personal mobile.

I feel so empty right now. :(

OP posts:
Cocoalover · 05/06/2023 14:30

If it were me, I'd not be able to think/react reasonably and go in all guns blazing, but that probably isn't the best thing to do. You could take the phone and not mention it and see his reaction when he realises its gone, his reaction will speak volumes. Alternatively, you could confront him and DEMAND there and then that he tells you the code so you can see for yourself, his reaction to that will also be telling. I would imagine the worst though, if I found a secret phone

OhComeOnFFS · 05/06/2023 14:31

Do people really think she can't tell the difference between a new/different phone and an old one of theirs?

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:31

I was putting stuff away not being nosy. I had to charge to turn it on.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 05/06/2023 14:32

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:31

I was putting stuff away not being nosy. I had to charge to turn it on.

If you had to charge it could it be that work gave him a phone but he just prefers to use his personal phone?

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:33

@Cocoalover I don't think I could hold it and wait as I'm an open book and wont be able to carry on as normal.

OP posts:
billyt · 05/06/2023 14:33

I'd hide it and wait to see his reaction. If it's all above board then he'll ask direct.

If it isn't...........

Madmax1992 · 05/06/2023 14:33

I would hide it and see if he mentions it or you notice him stressing/searching for it and maybe take it to a phone shop to have it unlocked x

Madmax1992 · 05/06/2023 14:34

If you can't wait I'd silently hold the phone put to him and say you've found it and seen everything and watch his response

notapizzaeater · 05/06/2023 14:34

If it was flat maybe it's just an old one ?

HeckinBamboozled · 05/06/2023 14:35

If you had to charge it to use it it'll probably just be an old, out of use phone.

Sometimes workplaces put asset tags on their tech. Is there an asset tags on the battery or under the case somewhere?

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:35

he runs his own business

OP posts:
bibbityboppityboo · 05/06/2023 14:35

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:31

I was putting stuff away not being nosy. I had to charge to turn it on.

If you had to charge it to turn it on it might be a super old one or work one? If it was for an affair I'd imagine he'd keep it charged up and with him rather than in a drawer you might stumble upon?

Do you have joint or separate bank accounts? Is there anyway to see if he's paying for another phone or it's just an old one?

Verite1 · 05/06/2023 14:36

Yes - if not charged then surely not too suspicious? My DH has a work phone that is never ever charged as they all just use personal mobiles (was complete waste of money giving them all out)!

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:36

no tags or stickers on the phone

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 05/06/2023 14:37

Was in just sitting in plain view in the drawer or was it tucked away? If I was hiding a phone that would be the crappest hiding spot ever. I would have thought garage, shed, boot of the car ( with the spare tire) or work bag / gym kit would all be better places.

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:38

@bibbityboppityboo it has an asda sim card which is strange as we dont shop at asda or have an asda anywhere near us

we are both using ee

OP posts:
UCknowitall · 05/06/2023 14:38

I've got a work phone in my home office drawer. Work gave it to me. Pretty sure DH has never seen it. I don't use it as I can't dope with two.

Don't believe everything you read on MN I am definitely not having an affair !

Original poster
worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:40

than you for your replies maybe it's all over?

OP posts:
GoodChat · 05/06/2023 14:40

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:38

@bibbityboppityboo it has an asda sim card which is strange as we dont shop at asda or have an asda anywhere near us

we are both using ee

Could he have found it in the street and posted it on the local community pages?