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Original poster

Found a mobile in DH's desk draw

510 replies

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 14:25

I was tidying up DH's home office when I found a mysterious mobile in the draw, I feel devastated. I managed to turn it on but it's got a passcode.

After all the times I've read about this on mumsnet I never thought it would happen to me but when I think about it he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc.

DH doesnt know I've found it and he is out at the moment, does anyone have any words of advice or how to go about bringing it up?

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 06/06/2023 08:03

Houghmot · 05/06/2023 20:15

That’s because most women don’t tend to have a whole new phone their husbands know nothing about with a different passcode on to their original phone.

Also most men cheat where as most women are loyal. (Not all-most)

’Most men cheat; most women don’t cheat’. How does the arithmetic work on this? Just interested…

Rosscameasdoody · 06/06/2023 08:22

OhmygodDont · 05/06/2023 19:02

But that’s not a text reminder service.

Yes. It is.

Hobbi · 06/06/2023 08:29

Houghmot · 05/06/2023 20:15

That’s because most women don’t tend to have a whole new phone their husbands know nothing about with a different passcode on to their original phone.

Also most men cheat where as most women are loyal. (Not all-most)

Who are they cheating with then?

ChocChipHandbag · 06/06/2023 08:32

@Sirius3030 the OW is usually single.

ChocChipHandbag · 06/06/2023 08:34

@GoodChat ah I see. Stealth boast then. Looks like the business is doing VERY well thanks to those text reminders...

CarnelianArtist · 06/06/2023 08:41

DoingSomethingUnholy · 05/06/2023 20:11

This thread is batshit, the people egging you on to check whatsapp pics, ring random numbers, what exactly can you conclude? If I wasn't trusted to this extent I'd end my marriage to be honest, where there's no trust, there's no marriage. If a man did all this to a woman it'd be controlling, but a woman does this egged on by a group of bored women oh no it's fine, he's obviously up to no good, follow him, get a tracker etc etc 🤪🙄.

I know. I'm seriously worried about some people answering this. Either they've lived terrible experiences or think they're in Eastenders.

GoodChat · 06/06/2023 09:07

ChocChipHandbag · 06/06/2023 08:34

@GoodChat ah I see. Stealth boast then. Looks like the business is doing VERY well thanks to those text reminders...

Probably just a vehicle for tax dodging purposes Grin

Willieholloughby · 06/06/2023 09:07

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 20:03

maybe im a fool but i do believe him

i did ask about the meeting at 530 and it seems this is an old meeting and he said if i opened up the tesla app i'd be able to see where he is going

You are not a fool. Nothing you have said would give any indication of cheating.
I have other phones, for various reasons. So does my dh. Neither of us is running a drugs gang, or having an affair.🙂
Unless there is a backstory of why you are suspicious, then I think you can relax and ignore the frenzy whipped up on here.
All the best x

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 09:09

sweettooth22 · 06/06/2023 06:27

He's lying op ! He knew you wouldn't look in it !!! That's why he had to add in he would be pretty upset after all these years !

Or maybe he would be upset ? As you would be if you hadn't done anything wrong? Why are so many here desperate for it to be an affair fgs.

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 09:15

ChocChipHandbag · 06/06/2023 08:32

@Sirius3030 the OW is usually single.

So men are always cheaters , women are all loyal and wonderful, except the ones that are shagging all the married men ? Okay

Kiwano · 06/06/2023 09:18

sweettooth22 · 06/06/2023 06:27

He's lying op ! He knew you wouldn't look in it !!! That's why he had to add in he would be pretty upset after all these years !

Have you missed the bit where OP changed her mind and did look in the phone and didn't find anything incriminating?

Rosscameasdoody · 06/06/2023 09:48

intothegreek · 05/06/2023 21:09

If he has auto messages going out he does not want them pinging back to his private number. He's a smart man getting the new phone to deal with these messages otherwise he'd never escape. Sounds feasible to me.

And yet the phone was turned off and uncharged, in a drawer ???!!!!

Rosscameasdoody · 06/06/2023 09:53

sweettooth22 · 06/06/2023 06:27

He's lying op ! He knew you wouldn't look in it !!! That's why he had to add in he would be pretty upset after all these years !

Except that she did look and didn’t find anything other than what he said the phone was used for. She also found an earlier message from the ‘see you tomorrow at 5.30pm’ number, and it was for a collection. Work. Plain and simple. This thread is utterly batshit. People need to remember this is not an episode of Eastenders or Corrie, it’s someone’s life and some of the comments on here are clearly causing the OP some confusion despite having checked for herself. It’s time to leave her in peace.

Rosscameasdoody · 06/06/2023 10:05

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 09:09

Or maybe he would be upset ? As you would be if you hadn't done anything wrong? Why are so many here desperate for it to be an affair fgs.

Show quote history

Very few people here able to see it from DH’s point of view. OP found the phone, asked him about it and he told her what it was for, but despite his explanation she wanted to see for herself. His response could be seen as a gaslighting tactic so he’s dug himself a bit of a hole, but then if he’s genuinely not doing anything wrong, it’s likely an honest reaction in the face of unexpected, and what he sees as unfounded, mistrust. I think it’s batshit for people to still be egging the OP on even after she’s been through the phone and satisfied herself there’s nothing dodgy on it.

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 10:21

@Rosscameasdoody i agree, I’m all for keeping your wits about you , I’ve been cheated on myself . It’s the gleeful telling OP that he’s lying!!! I find ridiculous. This is someone’s actual life

CarnelianArtist · 06/06/2023 10:38

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 09:15

So men are always cheaters , women are all loyal and wonderful, except the ones that are shagging all the married men ? Okay

Show quote history

They are all cheating with the same woman. It her once, she's very pretty and very busy 🤣

pendleflyer · 06/06/2023 10:39

onwardsup4 · 06/06/2023 10:21

@Rosscameasdoody i agree, I’m all for keeping your wits about you , I’ve been cheated on myself . It’s the gleeful telling OP that he’s lying!!! I find ridiculous. This is someone’s actual life

>>It’s the gleeful telling OP that he’s lying!!! I find ridiculous.
appears to be a MUMSNET thing in some quarters.
It's the gleeful I feel sorry for.

FelisCatus0 · 06/06/2023 11:18

It's the fact that he laughed in your face and treated you with contempt that is the issue. If it were innocent he would be earnest and open and not upset, he'd want to reassure you. His response screams guilty to me. At the least, he doesn't care about your feelings and treats you with contempt. I would not put up with this. His response would make me want him gone.

Mari9999 · 06/06/2023 12:13

@FelisCatus0
So to sum it up, the OP in searching in his desk finds s random telephone and because of that, her husband owes it to her to prove that he is not cheating?

What obligation does the OP have to respect and be concerned about his feelings?In what universe does the mere presence of a telephone equate with cheating? That the OP would be concerned about him having a telephone does not make that his issue. It is not his job to prove his innocence because there is no crime in having multiple telrphones.

OssieShowman · 06/06/2023 12:15

Make a plan for you to do something together at 5.30. See what his reaction / excuse is.

MarinatemysoulinSprite · 06/06/2023 12:17

In what universe does the mere presence of a telephone equate with cheating?

The MN universe 😅

Seems like a lot of posters would have had his stuff packed up in black bags and chucked out in the garden within seconds.

FelisCatus0 · 06/06/2023 12:21

Mari9999 · 06/06/2023 12:13

@FelisCatus0
So to sum it up, the OP in searching in his desk finds s random telephone and because of that, her husband owes it to her to prove that he is not cheating?

What obligation does the OP have to respect and be concerned about his feelings?In what universe does the mere presence of a telephone equate with cheating? That the OP would be concerned about him having a telephone does not make that his issue. It is not his job to prove his innocence because there is no crime in having multiple telrphones.

You're DARVOing to make OP's innocent behaviour look bad. Perhaps so you can convince yourself that it won't happen to you, or else who knows why women like you want to make the woman the guilty one.

She wasn't "searching in his desk", she was putting things away.
He said he had no need for a work phone, and if he got one, surely you'd give your spouse your work number? So the fact he previously said he wouldn't get one, gets one and doesn't tell his WIFE he has one and his number, and the fact that he "he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc"

is more than enough justification for his WIFE to be concerned. Added to that, that he basically laughs in her face and treats her with contempt shows that apparent from the deceit in the marriage, the lies by omission and the hiding, he treats her badly anyway regardless of whether he is or isn't having an affair.

Mari9999 · 06/06/2023 12:21

@OssieShowman
The OP is his wife; she is not a detective. If she thinks that he is cheating, there is a remedy for cheating, and it does not require you to become Sherlock Holmes.

I would think that one ' s own sense of pride and dignity would make you unwilling to become some kind of back alley game player.

ThisGirlCab · 06/06/2023 12:24

worried2jsb · 05/06/2023 20:03

maybe im a fool but i do believe him

i did ask about the meeting at 530 and it seems this is an old meeting and he said if i opened up the tesla app i'd be able to see where he is going

Do you have the Tesla app? Because you really can see where his car is almost down to the exact parking spot if you use it. My DH and I use it all the time to see if the other has left somewhere/ how long we'll take to get home. We've joked about how awful it must have been for people who realised they couldn't use their car for affairs.

Rosscameasdoody · 06/06/2023 13:01

FelisCatus0 · 06/06/2023 12:21

You're DARVOing to make OP's innocent behaviour look bad. Perhaps so you can convince yourself that it won't happen to you, or else who knows why women like you want to make the woman the guilty one.

She wasn't "searching in his desk", she was putting things away.
He said he had no need for a work phone, and if he got one, surely you'd give your spouse your work number? So the fact he previously said he wouldn't get one, gets one and doesn't tell his WIFE he has one and his number, and the fact that he "he has been distant lately, seems distracted and he has been working late popping off to meeting later in the day etc"

is more than enough justification for his WIFE to be concerned. Added to that, that he basically laughs in her face and treats her with contempt shows that apparent from the deceit in the marriage, the lies by omission and the hiding, he treats her badly anyway regardless of whether he is or isn't having an affair.

Show quote history

Looking back through the OPs posts, nowhere did she say that he had previously told her there was no need for a work phone, or that he had treated her with contempt. She said he laughed off her request to see the phone at first - if the the thought of an affair has never crossed his mind that would be an entirely reasonable response, because his first thought would probably be that she was joking. When she asked again he showed it to her and there was nothing amiss - there was even evidence that the ‘see you tomorrow at 5.30’ text was for a collection.

Neither did she say he treats her badly - she said he had been distant and distracted and that when she asked him about it he put it down to difficulties at work. The phone was uncharged and in a drawer to which the OP has access, and there is an unlocked sim in it. And he drew her attention to the fact that she can check his movements via the very detailed Tesla app. Hardly the average cheating husband is he ?