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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My husband strangled me last night.

372 replies

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

OP posts:
Cantstandbullshitanymore · 08/05/2023 15:00

“We are happily married despite”

I really don’t get when women say this, start with how he is shorty and strangles you then jump to how happily married you are.

HarrietStyles · 08/05/2023 15:00

My neighbour was murdered last month, by the hands of her abusive boyfriend. Your story sounds so like hers. He started out by verbally shouting at her, saying the odd abusive thing. Then there was the occasional push and shove, he was always sorry and said it wouldn’t happen again. A week before he murdered her he strangled her in a fit of rage. She went to the police and they were in the process of getting a restraining order in place and helping her to leave him. But it was too late, he murdered her. This is a true story - happened to someone I know just a few weeks ago. It happens every week to someone else’s friend and neighbour. Next week it could be you. Please just leave him now. Do it today I beg you.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 15:01

So glad that you're going to take action and get yourself out of there. Only in your 20s and he's already got this problem with drink and domestic violence, there's no doubt it would escalate if you stayed and you'd end up a statistic. Make no excuses for him. These things do not just happen. He has done them and they are unacceptable. Take care of yourself and your DC. Draw the line and move on to a longer, safer, better life. He'll never change his ways if you stay, no matter what he says when he's on his best behaviour. T

PaigeMatthews · 08/05/2023 15:01

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:52

He doesn't think its over because shamefully I said it was okay 😔 these things happen but I've thinking about it all day and I'm not going to have to have it. I'm disgusted at him. I cant believe he done it. He knows what his mum went through and hates his dad. He only loses it when he drinks the rest of the time he is calm doesn't shout or swear a "normal" man.

But he hasnt chosen mot to drink. He chooses to drink knowing he becomes violent.

but anyway, now he has escalated so much, he wont even need to be drinking next time.

Pinkdelight3 · 08/05/2023 15:02

That's chilling @HarrietStyles - OP please don't let this be you.

Always4Brenner · 08/05/2023 15:03

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Hugs you need to get out and now apologies are not enough now what next you dead? Lined overstepped.

billy1966 · 08/05/2023 15:05

You poor woman.

So glad you are going to report him.

Don't be a statistic.

Your children need you.

How many men kill a partner under the influence?

So many.

Half them barely remember strangling their partners as it can be all over so quickly.

Your children desperately need one decent parent.

You are it.

Bluebells1970 · 08/05/2023 15:06

Can you make an excuse to get out with your DC? Supermarket? Park/walk? Then get yourself to the nearest Police station and report this. They'll help you.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 08/05/2023 15:06

I'm really sorry he did this to you.. He's not even bothered it was out in the open.. indoors he could have killed you
You were pacifying him by saying you were ok, but you must leave now before he gets a chance again
If you have any marks or bruises please take pics now
If you can't wait until he's out, you can go into any boots and " Ask for Ani" or any pub and "Ask for Angela" You can call Police from there
I'll be thinking of you and your DC
Seek support from friends and family. The shame is his, not yours.

AuntieJune · 08/05/2023 15:07

You're not happily married. Your kids could be waking up today to be told their mum is dead at the hands of their dad. Or is brain damaged and will never be able to care for them again. I don't know what else you need to happen to leave him.

Elderflower14 · 08/05/2023 15:08

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 08/05/2023 15:00

“We are happily married despite”

I really don’t get when women say this, start with how he is shorty and strangles you then jump to how happily married you are.

This.... You are NOT happily married if he does these things to you.. Seek help please.

PrincessScarlett · 08/05/2023 15:09

"We are happily married"... No you are not. A happy marriage doesn't consist of a man with a drinking problem who has previously pushed his wife over. And that's before we even get to the strangulation.

What on earth was the taxi driver doing whilst this was going on?

It's great that you are making plans OP. Be prepared for your DH to use his parents abusive marriage as the reason why he is like he is. He'll claim it's not his fault as he's damaged, he's the victim too. Please protect your own children from this vicious cycle.

CabbagePatchDole · 08/05/2023 15:11

In the past few years it has been discovered that strangling is an indication of the most dangerous kind of abuse because of how quickly it can become fatal. Don’t want to frighten you but you need to leave. You have to be quite careful about leaving. Is there anyone who can help you? I haven’t read the other posts but I am sure others have offered practical advice. So sorry that you have to endure this. Thank God for MN. Try to stay in close touch with us and we will help as much as we can.

HarrietStyles · 08/05/2023 15:12

Did you know you can also text 999 if you are unable to call them? Text ‘register’ to 999 and then follow the instructions sent to you. You can set it up now and then it is ready for you whenever you need it. If you are ready to leave him now but cannot leave the house safely - you can text them today and have police come to the house without him knowing a thing.

defi · 08/05/2023 15:12

This man is going to kill you. Strangulation is a harbinger of death.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2573025/

Thegoodbadandugly · 08/05/2023 15:16

You need to leave it will happen again, it will get worst, he could end up killing you.

DiscoBeat · 08/05/2023 15:16

You say this happened in a taxi? I bet the driver saw even if the screen was up/sound off. I would call them
And ask if the driver would be willing to make a statement to the police.
And make secret plans to leave before telling them.

raincamepouringdown · 08/05/2023 15:16

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:52

He doesn't think its over because shamefully I said it was okay 😔 these things happen but I've thinking about it all day and I'm not going to have to have it. I'm disgusted at him. I cant believe he done it. He knows what his mum went through and hates his dad. He only loses it when he drinks the rest of the time he is calm doesn't shout or swear a "normal" man.

If you really can't go somewhere and call the police to get him out now, please call the police as soon as he leaves for work tomorrow.

You cannot stay with him, especially with children.

LiliLil · 08/05/2023 15:16

As others have said, strangulation is one of the biggest indicators that he will go on to kill you.

OP please leave. Don’t minimise it, don’t think it was a one off and won’t happen again. How old are your children? What would happen to them if their mum was murdered and their dad was in jail? Please, I am begging you not to minimise this. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is zero.

Your husband strangled you. This is not a safe relationship. Please leave.

whynotwhatknot · 08/05/2023 15:19

please tell the police even if there no proof there will be a record of it

hopefully they can ge thold of the taxi driver

TheIsleOfTheLost · 08/05/2023 15:21

Op, leave as soon as possible and don't go back. If you can, take any important documents with you on the school run and go directly to the police station. You must report this or there will be no extra care taken of your children by the authorities. Please stay away from this man.

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 08/05/2023 15:23

My God, that’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

All domestic abuse is horrible but there’s something about stranguling someone which is really scary. It really is all about setting in that fear and making someone scared of you.

Having a drink is not an excuse to put your hands on someone. EVER. Please get out of this situation as soon as possible xx

SiblingFights · 08/05/2023 15:24

Just adding my voice to the "get away from him now" Flowers

TheInterceptor · 08/05/2023 15:26

OP, what's your definition of an unhappy marriage, if this one is happy?

Undertherock · 08/05/2023 15:27

Don’t let him know you are thinking of leaving. Just get yourself and the kids to safety.

The most dangerous time for a woman is when she tries to leave.

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