My husband strangled me last night.

[LivingMyBestAnxietyLife]

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Sigh. As I suspected, she won’t be calling the police. She’s gutted and feels she’s lost everything

I take it you spoke to the police? Has he been arrested?

What is this supposed to achieve?

She can be both gutted, and build up the courage to call the police.

Please go to the dr OP, your throat may still swell up.

if you log it online i always got seen quite quickly tbh and a friend was seen very quickly with doing it online too. obviously i don't know who your local police thing is. if you don't want to ring the police. (i always felt like i was wasting their time tbh but apparently that's gaslighting behaviour)

plus logging it online means you can add more detail that you might forget otherwise.

it's a hideous time and i feel for you.

I'll be contacting the police when I return home. Me, my two kids and my dad are going on holiday Thursday to Spain for a week so just concentrating on that currently. Me and my dad always go on holiday every year since I was a child.

He won't return tonignt or any night His mum and dad (step) won't allow him too they've given me their word.

Did you take photographs of your injuries? Will his parents confirm to the police that he has admitted to attacking you?

I'm glad you're going to be safer now, OP. It's a tough situation and I really feel for you, but you're doing the right thing. Is there anyone who can come over and be with you at home this evening?

I don't have marks or anything. I don't know if they would do that but it's certainly worth an ask.

My sister is going to come round....she wants to see the kids before we go anyway...yeah i don't want generational abuse to continue for my son. I won't allow it!! I can't allow it. My son will never think its okay to hurt anyone especially someone he has married so that's what im going to keep telling myself.

Could your dad maybe call round and change the internal barrel of your door lock to prevent him moving himself back in while you’re not at home? It’s quick and simple to do.

That's a good idea. I'll ask him. I didn't really want to tell my dad because he is going go nuts and he will ring my husband. I expect my husband will be waiting as he knows what my dad is like. He will want to go round there to strangle him.

Understandable that your dad would be very protective of you, but this might be another reason to get it reported to the police before you go - so he knows that you're dealing with it. I do think getting him to change the locks before you go is a good idea.

Is your husband moving in with his mother?

It sounds like you have a close relationship with your dad as I did with my lovely dad. You’re not going to be able to keep it from him, especially if you are about to spend a full week together. He’ll know you’re not yourself. Is he aware that your husband has been abusive in the past? I think you should let him know as you could do with his support.

I didn't think he was abusive. Not really anyway! pushing in an argument but I didn't think it was a big deal as I was arguing back and maybe I deserved it. He is really a well liked person my dad thinks he is great and they were close. This is why I'm so shocked at his behaviour as he is a very chilled out person doesn't shout at the kids or me in our day to days lives...I know I can't blame the drink but it really is the drink but its done and I don't feel safe with him so that's that. I don't to panic every time he drinks. He has really scared me.

I do, im my dad's only child my mum remarried as they just grew apart so we've always been so close. He will be deverstated and angry.

*want

Not pushed you, pushed you over. This is what you said in your first post: He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years

Pushing isn't acceptable and pushing over definitely isn't. You didn't deserve violence - not then, not this week.

You're already starting to rewrite history. Thank god for your MIL not feeding these comfortable lies into your ear as well.

I didn't think he was abusive. Not really anyway! pushing in an argument but I didn't think it was a big deal as I was arguing back and maybe I deserved it

God, he really did a number.ber on you, didn't he, OP, making you think that you deserved it. Classic abuser strategy.

It doesn't matter a jot if you "argued back". You did not deserve it.

Yeah he has pushed me over but I'm a very small person I just thought it was that but I can see how it made me feel uncomfortable at the time.

No bless her. She is disgusted in him but he doesn't have anywhere else to go she told me she isn't particularly happy with him coming back home but she is his mum I do understand.

OP pushing is physical violence. It's abuse. It's Domestic Violence. And Domestic Violence usually starts with a 'shove here and there', a 'push'. That's how it starts. It always escalates from there, as it did with you. No decent man would ever 'push' a woman. You've been a victim of domestic violence for a long time. Well before he tried to strangle you. Shouting is also classified as abuse. So he has a short temper, he shouts, he pushes you, not only pushes you, but pushes you over. You've been a victim of domestic violence well before last night.

You mentioned in your OP that he pushed you over a few times during arguments. I’m afraid that’s abuse . Of course you didn’t deserve it, please don’t think that about yourself. You and your children are worth way more than that. His behaviour has led you to this way of thinking and you’re making excuses for the way he’s been treating you. He’s got away with it in the past and now he’s escalated the pushing over to an act of aggression that could have killed you.

You've clearly normalised the pushing and you've bought into the idea that it was somehow your fault.

The fact is, though, OP, pushing is abuse and your husband is the only one who was responsible for it.

I'm sorry, I get that it's probably hard to come to terms with after years of minimising his behaviour and making excuses for him.

You don't have to explain why you feel the way you feel. I felt guilty, ashamed and gutter when I left my abuser. I haven't gone back and took his abuse very seriously. Ignore pp who is uninformed and unhelpful.

It’s so good that your MIL knows. Tell your Dad, it’s not your secret to keep and abusers thrive in secrecy. Tell your dad. Pushing you is abuse. You’ll look back and see more of it now your eyes are open.

Please still call 111 and ask to be seen or go to your minor injuries unit as others have said.

OP,
At nearly 60 I'm closer to your Dads age than yours.

You need to tell him.
You can ask him to not make it worse by becoming aggressive, but, it's hard to convey the utter devastation and widespread grief him murdering you would bring.

Your father's life would be over, he would NEVER recover, your mother the same.
Life utterly changed.
Your children's lives would be blighted with a loss and grief that would haunt them for all of their days.

You are young, in your 20's.

It simply cannot be overstated how shocking his actions were.

The police and your father need telling.

YOU owe your children the chance of a future with their mum.

At my age I know of some children that have lost their mum through cancer and brain haemorrhages.

There are really no words for the grief of the children involved.

I have seen it touch my children, through them witnessing the grief of their lovely friends.

It is always with them.
Mums are completely irreplaceable.