My husband strangled me last night.

[LivingMyBestAnxietyLife]

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Confide in your dad. He'll be gutted to find out further down the line.

do it when you're away.

It won’t be 20 times OP. He will kill you before that. I’m sorry if that’s shocking and I’m sure you’re thinking ‘Oh no he wouldn’t go THAT far’, but you didn’t think he would strangle you either did you? Strangling is a very high risk abuse, higher risk than hitting/kicking. It’s basically the step before murder. You need to leave unless you accept the risk of your children witnessing something truly horrific. I really feel for you but you also have to protect them, and that means leaving no matter how afraid you feel. 💐

Really glad your sister's coming over, @LivingMyBestAnxietyLife . And you should tell your dad. Don't try and protect everybody from this, just yourself and your children. Your dad will be shocked and want to protect you, and it's okay to let him.

(But you don't need a man to change the barrel of a lock! It's a really simple DIY job and would definitely be a good idea, especially given you're going away.)

Why are you delaying in calling the police again! You are being foolish at best and stupid way worst. People have told and told and told you why it’s important and first it was your son would hear, now it’s that you wanted to wait until he moved out, now it’s after the holiday to Spain! Stop being so ridiculous! Inform your dad and ask him to go with you.

why are you keeping your husbands secrets, don’t you think your dad will find out.

honestly op, get a grip. You say you won’t allow this to happen to your son but you have no reason to withhold access to the kids from a man who attacks people and drinks too heavily if you don’t report it

Dear OP,
I've only read your posts on here but you say you've been with your husband for 10 years and you are in your 20s? Do I have that right?
You think you have ruined your life. You have NOT. You have taken control and told others. The next phase of your life is waiting for you.

I didn't think he was abusive. Not really anyway! pushing in an argument but I didn't think it was a big deal as I was arguing back and maybe I deserved it.

Most people do not even realise they’re in abusive relationships.

If you went on a date with someone and then walked over to you and immediately punched you in the face, you would never speak to them again.
An abusive person isn’t stupid enough to do that.

Abusers build up their abuse slowly and steadily over time and act lovely all of the other times.
They will be very apologetic and you will question whether you are to blame or find excuses as to why they’re like that ‘because they’re usually lovely’.

But they’re not someone who is lovely and then sometimes act out of character and is physical with you.
They cannot be lovely if they argue with you and it becomes physical.

That nasty side is part of them, it’s not acting out of character as that is who they are and the ‘lovely’ side only seems better because you know what their other side is like.

So people kid themselves into believing they’re something they’re not and believe there must be a reason for their outburst (themselves, alcohol, stress at work etc).

Tell your dad when you’re away.

Wishing you all the very best Op 💐💐💐

I'm glad he's gone. You'll grieve the life you thought you'd have with him... but you're alive, loved and safe, and have a better life
Tell your DF on holiday.He will want to know

How is everything? Been thinking about you this week.

It makes my heart ache a bit for you when I read you saying he only pushed you, and it was only when he drank.

There are men who would never push their wives, and men who would move away. Men who don’t get into arguments in the first place. Men who choose not to drink because they love their families more than beer.

What have you seen and experienced that has set your bar so low? If you want to raise your son to be better, you have to raise your standards much, much higher.

You deserve to be with someone who values your opinion and wants to hear and understand your point of view, not someone who pushes you for arguing back.

Get out op!!

How are you doing OP?

My father was abusive and my brother turned out to be the same. It is vicious circle. Parents are role models. I hope you find the courage to expect better.

Let me get this straight: your husband tried to kill you in front of a witness and you don't know what to do?

Press charges at once and get a medical assessment as soon as. He is having a dry run for killing you and hiding behind the drink.

@TeaGinandFags the OP hasn't updated the thread since the 9th May. Only hope that her "DH" wasn't more successful the second time.

sorry just seen date on OP's post so my comment is irrelevant, hope it all got sorted and she was able to muster the courage to leave him

@Angeldav74 this is a thread from May 2023, so if you get replies it may be people replying to the original poster. I would suggest starting your own thread, which you can do here: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/create-thread?topic=relationships

Strangling is an extremely dangerous sign in domestic violence. There is now a specific offence of non-fatal strangulation to reflect this, you can read about it here. Please try to get yourself to safety before it's too late.

A man that puts his hands round ur throat is statistically more likely to kill

@Angeldav74 I would also recommend starting your own thread. Reading the article that tribot has linked to about strangulation.

Also have a read of this fact sheet for the survivors of strangulation, and that's exactly what you are. You survived it this time. Next time you might not be so lucky.

If you're still with him can you contact the National DA Helpline who can help you to get out safely?

And I'm really hoping you're still alive this morning @Angeldav74

Omg the fact it happened in a taxi is shocking! Definitely get out fast! If he can do this in public then God knows what would happen next time at home.