Active discussions

Best Amazon Prime Day deals: Mumsnet favourites

Best Amazon Prime Day deals:
Mumsnet favourites

Shop now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

My husband strangled me last night.

372 replies

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:22

I'm going to go tomorrow while he is at work and my children are at school. I'm not going to be that person. My kids deserve better.

OP posts:
tribpot · 08/05/2023 14:22

If he's prepared to do that in front of witnesses, what might he be capable of behind closed doors? I wonder if the taxi driver has any footage.

AMuser · 08/05/2023 14:23

tribpot · 08/05/2023 14:20

This is what Women's Aid said when the UK introduced a new offence of non-fatal strangulation last year:

We know that strangulation is a highly dangerous and common feature of countless domestic abuse cases. It is used as a tool to exert power and control and instil fear, and also indicates that the survivor is at high risk of serious injury or homicide, and should therefore be treated with extreme seriousness.

The violence is escalating and the drinking is escalating.

This.

The fact that it’s gone straight to strangulation is hugely worrying. You are at extreme risk. Please contact Women’s Aid and they will help you get out safely.

NewtonsCradle · 08/05/2023 14:24

Good for you op. Make the police report too.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 08/05/2023 14:24

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:07

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Please report to the police, before you become a forgotten news story about another husband wife murder.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:25

I have a daughter and this isn't right I'd be gutted if this was her 😭

OP posts:
gamerchick · 08/05/2023 14:27

Strangling is up there with the most dangerous abuse a man can inflict on a woman. The chance of them killing her even by 'accident' are extremely high.

If you have kids you really should get the police involved for the inevitable court battle over the kids. For their sake.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 08/05/2023 14:27

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:22

I'm going to go tomorrow while he is at work and my children are at school. I'm not going to be that person. My kids deserve better.

Why? Call the police, report it. Then get HIM to leave

You have to have a police report op. You have a child to protect should he want access

retinolalcohol · 08/05/2023 14:29

I can't remember the exact statistic but the likelihood of a partner eventually killing a woman increases by a large margin after he has strangled her.

Please, please leave immediately. You are really in danger

Greenfairydust · 08/05/2023 14:29

You are not ''happily married''.

You are with a man who has already shown you clear signs of violence in the past, which would have been enough to leave, and now he has escalated his behaviour even further.

His drinking is also making the situation more dangerous.

What you need to do is report him to the police and leave him.

I truly have no idea as to why women stay with men like this.

I am surprise the taxi driver did not report this to the police.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 08/05/2023 14:29

You need to call the police. This needs to be on file. Just in case of future issues, you need this on file…

diamondpony80 · 08/05/2023 14:29

Are you being silly? Ah...no. Strangulation leads to death. You were lucky this time. Next time you might not be.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:32

I guess we weren't happily married after all. It was very rare with the pushing ect not that it matters now. He's crossed a massive line. He knows that.I know that. He is in for it with his mum. She's going to go absolutely mad (we're in our 20's) she knows his temper and has been worried about this for a long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:35

He obviously going to go back to his mums which is why she will know

OP posts:
CharlottenBerg · 08/05/2023 14:35

Grabbing someone by the throat is very very dangerous. Even lightly. Even if the grabber is not trying to choke the other person, something called vagal inhibition can cause instant death. Look it up. This has happened by accident such as during affectionate touching. This man is a potential killer. If anyone pushed me over once, that would be it.

AbsolutePixels · 08/05/2023 14:35

Get out now. He might kill you next time. Research shows that a man who has strangled you has a high likelihood of killing you.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 08/05/2023 14:35

Have you called the police yet?

That report is vital

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:38

No as I'm worried my son will over hear he is in his bedroom. I'll be ringing the police tomorrow morning first thing. This is acceptable and I know it isn't I just don't want my son to hear. That sounds like an excuse but thankfully it wasn't in the house so my kids are none the wiser.

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 08/05/2023 14:40

Nothing will happen today as he isn't drinking.

OP posts:
Starlightstarbright1 · 08/05/2023 14:40

Please report this to the police when it’s safe to do so . This helps put protection in for you and your children .

if he will do this in public god help what he will do in private. .

I was strangled by my now exh. I didn’t leave for a few months . It wasn’t better if anything 3 months later he threatened to kill himself and my Ds. A month later I left .

If tomorrow is a safer time to leave do that. Make a plan

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/05/2023 14:41

What did the taxi driver do when that was going on? If your partner is going back to his mother, then do you have to leave the family home?

viques · 08/05/2023 14:41

How can you be “happily married” to a man who drinks so heavily that he beats you, strangles you and frightens you because you know that his violence is escalating? Does he really think apologising is the answer to his out of control behaviour? Does he not remember what his dad did to his mum?

DrDavidStarKey · 08/05/2023 14:43

gamerchick · 08/05/2023 14:27

Strangling is up there with the most dangerous abuse a man can inflict on a woman. The chance of them killing her even by 'accident' are extremely high.

If you have kids you really should get the police involved for the inevitable court battle over the kids. For their sake.

This. The atlas and axis bones of the neck that hold your head on basically, are very easily damaged. Internal decapitation is easy when being strangled. You need to get support from family or friends and call the Police and report this.

Next time he could kill you and when they are drunk, they have less ability to know how much pressure they are actually applying.

Go to the cops before the marks fade.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 08/05/2023 14:43

eloquent · 08/05/2023 14:10

Leave. Today. He will kill you.

This.

Whadda · 08/05/2023 14:44

I think you need to reframe your thinking here. It’s not “escalating”, it’s escalated to the point that he’s strangling you. He’s happy to do it with someone else present. He’s fearless.

He’s going to kill you. Glad that you have a plan for getting away from him but please do report to the police. In another year he’ll move in with some other woman and her children and he’ll be very dangerous to them too.