My husband strangled me last night.

[LivingMyBestAnxietyLife]

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

I’m sorry OP but you cannot be happily married to a man that strangles you

It is escalating, you see it, you know it - get out now

Please know that there are so many people hoping and praying that you get through the night, we are all worried about your safety. Please call the police first chance you get.

He's a textbook abuser.

'Crying all day' sob story and pity party.
'Only when he drinks'.

I'm sorry you have been at the hands of a violent man. You must find the strength to leave and not just say it. He will give you all these lines about how he will change, he won't drink again, he's a better person now.

They don't change. They say what you want to hear. You have to remain strong for yourself and your children. He will always be violent. He will always hurt you, he will never change.

Are you safe now?

these things happen
Only if you let them.
Get out and protect your kids.

Fuck me, he did it in a taxi in front of witnesses?! That is such a dangerous man’s as he thought it was acceptable and do it in front of someone with possible cameras! He will do worse in private.
good luck for tomorrow in your escape.

Hi @LivingMyBestAnxietyLife I hope you are coping Ok tonight . Id advise you not to discuss what happened with your husband, it will be too upsetting for you and it won’t fix anything.

Please to go the police tomorrow as planned and also to the doctor or hospital. You need medical attention as non fatal strangling can cause damage to your neck or throat that you won’t necessarily be aware of.

I understand how frightening this all is, I know you must be scared and worried how this is all going to pan out . But please be assured that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children.

The lady is American but the information is so valuable here. Please watch it OP

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_i79_xdEgK8&pp=ygUic3RyYW5ndWxhdGlvbiBkb21lc3RpYyB2aW9sZW5jZSB1aw%3D%3D

OP I am so very sorry this has happened. How utterly terrifying it must have been. A real line has been crossed, and you've sensed that which, in a horrible way, is good, in that it gives you the impetus to get help.

You've had some good information and advice above. PLEASE get to the police today. That will give you access, I hope, to the safety, justice, and clinical care you and your DC need.

The law changed last year to make non-fatal strangulation a specific offence, with a 5 year sentence, for good reason. Legal, medical and policing fields are finally acknowledging the severity of this most terrifying of acts. As PPs said, after a woman has been strangled, she is over 7 times more likely to be a victim of homicide. People above have mentioned the danger to structures in the neck. Perhaps what's new, and what led to the law changing, was understanding the impact on the brain. Pressure on the neck can prevent blood entering and leaving the brain, which can lead, in a matter of seconds, to brain damage. Some of the areas most vulnerable to hypoxia (reduced oxygen) include the parts of the brain responsible for problem-solving, decision-making, judgement...so, as well as the fear and shock you must be experiencing now, I can imagine it might also be difficult to think your way out of the problem. Another reason why it would be good to listen to all the advice above. Let the wisdom of MN do the thinking for you!

There is also the risk, due to damage to the arteries in the neck, of clots forming and delayed stroke. This can be delayed by weeks, even months. There is good evidence that strangulation might actually be the second most common cause of stroke in young women. Horrifying.

And that's why you need to get help now. I hope the police will send you for medical examination. This is so important. I would also strongly suggest contacting Women's Aid.

Below is a link to a really helpful information leaflet for women who have been strangled.

I wish you strength. My heart goes out to you. Keep yourself, and your DC, safe.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/63bd7ef0794e9f154bdce4ce/t/64131368ee0266496d81dde8/1678971753356/IFAS+01+-+Patient+Information+v5.pdf

Hi OP I hope that you are ok today. I couldn’t sleep worrying about you last night, as I’m sure lots of other people following this post will feel the same. Please let us know you and your boy are safe this morning x

Your abuser will try and talk you down,making promises to give up drinking,promising never again.You must stand strong.Yourself and children deserve better.If you need extra support or advice,contact Women's Aid or Refuge.Hoping you will stay safe and move on to happier future.

Just checking in OP as I've been thinking about you. I really really hope you find the courage to contact the police today while he's at work. Could you just check in so that we know you are okay?

Thinking of you too OP.

It's only when he's drinking - problem is, he could drink any day, any time, right?

Morning all.

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page. As MNers will tell you, it's great to get support from posters on here but we'd always encourage you to seek real life help.

With very best wishes from all at MNHQ

1. You need to leave today.
2. If you think the marriage can be salvaged, you need to tell him he needs to immediately stop drinking and go to AA. He needs also to have therapy. If there has been any change in say 6 months, then you could work on getting back together with marriage therapy. BUT, you need to live separately while he recovers and gets help and straightens himself out.

Jesus he tried to STRANGLE her
no going back

Oh gosh. I hope you have the strength to leave, OP. Do it for your children if you don't value yourself enough. You have been minimising his behaviour for too long, it seems... there is no such thing as a happy marriage with violence involved.

Your H has clearly learned this behaviour from his father. That is very sad, but he is an adult now and he is responsible for his own behaviour. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is normal?

Why on earth are you even suggested the marriage could be salvaged when he has strangled her?

I hope nobody in your personal life ever comes to you for advice regarding an abusive relationship.

What terrifying advice to give someone. She shouldn't be encouraged to even consider getting back together with this man in future.

Strangulation is tantamount to attempted murder. Men who strangle their partners are over seven times more likely to murder them.

He did this in public. In public. In a contained space, in front of a witness.

He is capable of literally anything in private.

Reassess how you speak to victims of domestic violence especially in the immediate aftermath of an attack when thy are already confused and will already be being begged for another chance by the person who could easily have murdered them.

What sort of advice is this? Aside from the fact that no therapist will work with a couple when domestic violence is involved, he strangled her! That is not fixable!

Please for the love of god, leave NOW.

Strangulation is the biggest red flag / precursor to being murdered by a partner. So much so that the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 places provisions for the CPS to prosecute perpetrators of non-fatal strangulation due to the seriousness of this as an act against a person, and the known escalating risk of subsequent manslaughter / murder.

Sadly, one of my dear friends, despite knowing the above, despite having safe-guarding training and being aware of the risk factor, became another statistic when her husband murdered her less than 6 months after she gave birth to their much longed for IVF baby, and her daughter is now having to grow up without her Mum, and with her Dad in prison.

Please, don't be another statistic. Leave, if you want to support him, you can do that from a distance, don't put yourself and your children in harms way.

I hope you’ve managed to leave today like you said OP. Lots of good organisations out there that could help like womensaid. Best wishes. You are 100% doing the right thing.

Thinking of you today.

This has to be the most ridiculous and dangerous advice I've ever read on here. Why on earth would anyone ever even consider reconciling with someone who has abused them!? Strangled them, no less?!

Thinking of you today OP 🌺🌺
Even if things go differently than you planned don’t let it put you off posting for help.

It took me years to Get away, and I needed help to take even the tiniest steps.
Cut yourself some slack, and know we are all rooting for you.

I go-e your safe or leaving today please I beg you get out.

Hi sorry my son slept in with me last night. I've been busy this morning so my apologies. My mother in law rang me this morning as my husband had rang her and told her. She told me she was deeply sorry and she is very worried. She told me to leave him as it won't get any better and that she loves me and can't believe her son has ruined it all!! Im gutted it's all come to this. I really am