My husband strangled me last night.

[LivingMyBestAnxietyLife]

Basically that really. I've been with my husband for 10 years. He has always had a temper and can be quite shouty at times. He has pushed me over a few times during arguments over the years but last night was the first time he has strangled me...its escalating isn't it? His dad beat his mum until she managed to get away from him and I'm worried about his temper and behaviour.

We are happily married despite this but he has a problem with drinking which is getting worse too but I'm scared now! He told me he is sorry but that's what they all say isn't it...im so shocked do you think this could have been a one time thing or am I being silly. He was drunk but that's no excuse.

Get out before you too become a news headline!

I thought this too but I stayed 5 years.
comments like yours are unhelpful.

I agree with everyone else @LivingMyBestAnxietyLife, you need to get out.

I know you feel it's safe for tonight because he's distraught by what he did, but what if he has a drink to cope with how he feels? What if things escalate again? What if they do anyway?

It's so easy to feel that strangulation = emergency for other people, but that what happened to you is more complicated and not quite like that. I know because I told myself the same back in the day, but I was wrong, and I needed to get out, and you do too.

How old are the kids? Are they little enough to pick one up in each arm? Do you have access to a car? Could you just pick them up and leave while he's upstairs or in the bathroom? Or could you plausibly run a bath to pop them in together and then lock yourself in the bathroom with them and your phone?

I don't want to badger you because you're probably all over the place right now, but I really think you should get out or get the police in tonight if humanly possible.

For me the simplest way to think of it is

What would you do if a stranger walked up to you in the street and did that? You would ring the police even if they were crying and apologising

Him being in a relationship with you makes it worse, not better

His drinking is escalating
His violence is escalating
The danger you are in is escalating.

Please leave. Your life is worth more than this.

He obviously can't or won't control his temper, so doesn't deserve you.

Good luck xxx

I hate to say it but statistically women who are strangled by their partners are at highest risk of being murdered by them. It is an extreme form of violence. You need to leave immediately and never, ever go back. Your life could depend on it.

a safeguarding lady said to me it's approximately 60 instances of abuse before you say anything to anyone. that was true for me and it sounds like it's true for you too. it's a hideous statistic which i wish i didn't know

i hope you're okay and moving in the right direction.

You need get out of the situation, either him leaving or you.
He needs to also seek help for his drinking and stop entirely. Surely if he is truly sorry this would be instinctive to him IF drink is the trigger for his abuse. Only after completing alcohol counseling would I consider that as a point to possible reconciliation for you.

You have a witness, the taxi driver, this will help you case so much and your ability to protect your children once you separate. Please do this for yourself and your child. Report, get support and leave him.

Can we not suppose that op won't be back to the thread please.

She's got a little one to tend to, she's definitely not being blind towards what's happened last night.

Op I hope you return to the thread.

Really don’t see how bullying the OP is supposed to help her, some of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

@LivingMyBestAnxietyLife if you are unable to leave tonight, can you call a friend or family member of even your DP’s mum and ask them to stay the night? You’re really not safe x

OP you are under reacting. Hugely so. You won't ring the police in case it upsets your children? What if next time it's one of your children he strangles?! Would you think its acceptable to leave it a couple days to get a more 'convenient' time to call then? Why do you hold your life in such low regard? If he kills you, your kids have no parents.

Never reconcile with someone who has previously strangled you. Never. For no reason. Even if he stopped drinking OP it will never be safe for you to be around him. He could snap one day, have a drink, and do it again without warning.

It's normal to feel relief that the danger is over (for now).

And then, it starts to feel unreal. You begin to feel if not 'safe' then as though it would be dramatic to leave today when you didn't leave yesterday. So you convince yourself that it would be too dramatic to leave. But you know that the tensions will begin to build again

You described yourself as happily married so I would guess that you're in that cycle of Terror/relief. When you're in the relief phase you don't want to rock the boat.

Contact the police immediately. Get to
a safe place.

I'm sorry op your going through this you and your son deserve better. Please get out as soon as you can

So sorry you are going through this op, it must be awful for you. I hope you get safe soon.

reading the thread title chilled my blood.

Get out, get out, get out. If you have any family or good friends who can help you, take the help.

I won’t repeat what everyone else is saying about phoning the police OP.

But please take extra care tonight - in his hungover / guilt state there is no telling what he might do. He is a danger to you and your kids - you are living with a ticking time bomb.

And please don’t pin your hopes on his mum being angry with him and giving him what for. Where sons and abuse are concerned there is no one more willingly blind than a mother.

Please at least let a family member know what’s happened tonight.

Not sure if you are still reading posts Op and i know there is a lot for you to process. I would consider telling someone you can trust in real life in case you need help in a hurry when you don’t have time to explain why.

I know you see this but this kind of violence is very dangerous, not least because its very hard to strange someone in fury and judge when its time to stop before fatal or life changing injure.

Dont stay and do too much thinking - get the things you need together with help from a friend, which will reduce the chance of him attacking you because someone else is there and provide a witness if he does. Leave to anywhere you can for now and then make a plan for next steps.

You dont need everything in place before you get out, just the things you need for the first step.

I think what concerns me the most is that he did it in front of someone, in a public place, with windows (and CCTV?) all around.
That seems a huge escalation because it's not just that he doesn't care about giving you brain damage, and he doesn't care about killing you, it's that he doesn't care about other people seeing him do it either.

It’s already escalated. The only place he can go from here is neglecting to let your throat go. And then you’re dead. He was moments from that last night, and did so with an audience. Behind closed doors is so much more dangerous.

Please don’t do what I fear you’re going to do, which is minimise and delay and then don’t ever call the police…

It doesn't sound like it's escalating. It sounds like he's always been violent but you've excused it.
How can you possibly be 'happily married' with a man who gets violent and who watched his own dad perform the same behaviour on his own mum.
What would you tell your best friend in this situation?
Get help from friends, family and/or a charity and gtfo. You can do it.

I just read your update that the strangling happened in a taxi. Wtaf. And the driver did nothing?? Shame on that driver. He should made welfare call to 101 at the very least. My conscience wouldn't rest if I were them.