How long before you sleep together?

[ThisIsaNiceDress]

What’s the accepted timeline nowadays when you are actually serious about someone? 😂

Exactly @StagsLeap -it's about knowing yourself I think. How can there be any "rules" or consensus about something so individual?

I'd rather spend some time finding out whether someone is kind, decent, reliable and honest than whether or not they can give me an orgasm the first time I meet them. Why would anyone with any self esteem want to shag a person they don't know and who could be anyone at all?

I'm your age, and I was thinking that this was making me more inclined not to be in favour of shagging random men. Knowing that people have a history is one thing (I have no idea how many people my partner of 10 years has had sex with, and he has no idea about my history, because neither is relevant to our relationship). I think part of my dislike of the idea of sex with random strangers is that straight men will basically fuck any woman who offers it, which is why I've always thought that women with high self esteem won't waste themselves on someone who likely just sees them as a handy orifice. I have never wanted to be seen as an orifice on legs (and, for that matter, I've never seen the men I've fancied in terms solely of their dicks or what they can do with them).

Why would anyone with any self esteem want to shag a person they don't know and who could be anyone at all?

This seems to imply that your self-worth will be damaged if the relationship doesn't work out, or that having sex depletes you somehow, so is only worth "spending" on someone who's a serious prospect. But many women don't feel that way. If you want to have sex because you really want to, and enjoy it, then it's not so much that you're giving him a gift that diminishes you, but rather, you're sharing an experience that you both enjoy. As adults we are able to make that decision for ourselves, based on our self-knowledge and experience.

Because it's fun.

Why wouldn't you want to have a few orgasms with someone and give them a few as well?

Life's too short

Fair enough, @DivorcedAndDelighted. That's very nicely put.

Wow 🙈😆

@Heynonnybollocks

"I dunno. My experience is that men aren't that keen on one that's been shared around extensively. Or maybe some men might not mind who else has been up there before them, but they're not men you'd really want to get up close and personal with."

But why wait three years? Tbh if a guy wasn't interested after a few weeks, I'd walk away. Life's too short to wait years!

I don’t know how things are done these days, but in the late 90s, I slept with a fella the first night and he is still hanging about 25 years on. 😂

There’s so much that could be said to these posts but I think it can just be summed up neatly as internalised misogyny 🤷🏻

At least an hour

I was slightly joking with 3 years - it was that long before I shagged my now very long term partner, but that's because we were very good friends before we were both single enough to shag.

I've always gone for the friendship part first, because I wouldn't feel comfortable sexually with someone I wasn't good friends with. Sex doesn't have to be all about orgasms - it can also be about being close and warm and loving and all those lovely things that you can't be with someone you don't know. Although someone you don't know can obviously give you an orgasm. My shower head can give me an orgasm, though, so 'ability to give an orgasm' is not a very high bar in terms of all-round sexual satisfaction.

@Heynonnybollocks

now that you've updated makes more sense! I agree about the friendship part (and the shower 😉)

Personally I wouldn't sleep with someone until I had that connection and knew we had common interests. That's just me though.

With dh it was a couple of months but bizarrely we didn't say I love you until 6 months in!

Erm... hard to say as I knew my bf from before but maybe a year of slow-burning dating?

It's hard for me to be comfortable sleeping with someone right away, they really need to get into my head and I need to feel that emotional connection.

Like PPs have said, time's right whenever you're both ready, and sometimes it just takes a bit longer, especially with both emotional and physical baggage to overcome.

Depends entirely on what you’re after. A one nighter, then fine it is what it is. If I was interested in someone I would make them a wait a couple of dates. The build up is too much fun.

With my DH we were talking for 2 months every day (in different countries).

When we met for 6 days (he flew to meet me), we were all loved up straight away from the taxi to the hotel.😍