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Original poster

How long before you sleep together?

194 replies

ThisIsaNiceDress · 09/04/2023 16:12

What’s the accepted timeline nowadays when you are actually serious about someone? 😂

OP posts:
CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 10/04/2023 16:12

@UniversalMamma "I’ve literally never encountered this attitude from anyone I’ve slept with and if they were harbouring those sorts of weirdo ideas it’s really unlikely they’d be someone I’d be interested in or drawn to anyway. It’d hardly be a great loss!"

Another post I don't get.
If you were to have a one-night-stand with a guy it's hardly likely you'll find out what they think about you is it? Some guys will be charming and say anything it takes to get into a woman's pants and then slag them off later.
I know this by walking past the slightly open windows of the gents lavvies at the back of some pubs, on my way to the car park - quite an education I'll tell you.

And no - it wasn't me they were talking about !

perfectcolourfound · 10/04/2023 16:32

I agree with pp that there's no hard and fast rules.

If you aren't sure, bear in mind that you're rarely likely to regret taking your time, much more likely to regret sleeping with someone you didn't know.

If you sleep with someone on a first date and you like them but they don't want to see you again, that's a pretty awful feeling.

If you don't want to sleep with someone on a first date and they don't want to see you again - you made the right call.

You're (most people at least) more likely to enjoy sex with someone you know and trust.

On a first date, you don't know if they are sleeping with you because they actually like you, or if they just fancy a shag.

I know there will be exceptions and different experiences. Just make sure you've got your eyes open, and are prepared for the feelings if it doesn't work out.

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 16:40

If you aren't sure, bear in mind that you're rarely likely to regret taking your time, much more likely to regret sleeping with someone you didn't know.

I ddont know about this, you are a long time married, I wish I'd spread my wings a bit wider as a young'un. * *

thispostisaboutyou · 10/04/2023 16:42

I think every single time after the first time it was the third date. Depends how keen they are to how quickly we did the 3 dates though

NotMyFirstChoiceofName · 10/04/2023 16:45

For me it was a few months, I’ve no interest in casual sex.

StormiDayz · 10/04/2023 17:04

NotMyFirstChoiceofName · 10/04/2023 16:45

For me it was a few months, I’ve no interest in casual sex.

Wow... Months? Jeez. Is your relationship still largely platonic?

IDKandIDC · 10/04/2023 17:40

How do you even know if you've not contracted and STI or from which partner or whether you're infecting others if you're having sex with hardly enough time between each partner to get retested for STIs? How can you confidently say you don't have anything if you sleep with guys so quickly? Condoms don't protect against everything.

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 17:46

IDKandIDC · 10/04/2023 17:40

How do you even know if you've not contracted and STI or from which partner or whether you're infecting others if you're having sex with hardly enough time between each partner to get retested for STIs? How can you confidently say you don't have anything if you sleep with guys so quickly? Condoms don't protect against everything.

Honestly at 22 this was the least of my concerns (nor should it have been). Yes I used condoms.

Pseudonamed · 10/04/2023 17:47

Dyslexicwonder · 10/04/2023 16:40

If you aren't sure, bear in mind that you're rarely likely to regret taking your time, much more likely to regret sleeping with someone you didn't know.

I ddont know about this, you are a long time married, I wish I'd spread my wings a bit wider as a young'un. * *

YOu mean your legs 😂

ShiverOfSharks · 10/04/2023 17:53

Fucked DH on the first not-really-a-date because I really, really wanted to. That was nearly twenty years ago. Worked out great so far.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/04/2023 18:34

For me date 2 or 3 , if I like them

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 19:14

NotMyFirstChoiceofName · 10/04/2023 16:45

For me it was a few months, I’ve no interest in casual sex.

A man will string you along and say all the right things until he gets what he wants and still dump you. It's like a challenge.

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 19:25

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 19:14

A man will string you along and say all the right things until he gets what he wants and still dump you. It's like a challenge.

Show quote history

I never get this excuse to sleep with me straight away, even if some men will do that at least it weeds out the ones who expect sex on the first date. Many won’t hang around if
you don’t put out on the first night so will weed some of them out! Not everyone wants to sleep with every man they have a date with.

EBearhug · 10/04/2023 19:27

I'm with those who don't want to invest in a relationship unless the sex is good, so I usually go for it on the first date. Sometimes it's the only date, often it's not. I am lucky to be highly orgasmic, and if a man can't make me cum first time we're together, then he's probably really shit in bed, and he won't be getting a second chance to prove otherwise anyway. But not all women are comfortable with casual sex (nor are all men,) and nor do all women find it easy to reach orgasm, so what works for one of us won't necessarily work for another any way.

Quite a few of those which have been only one date, it's my choice as much as their's - a couple of weeks back I realised one of them I'd not heard from in three months, and I wasn't bothered, because that was mutual, and I hadn't been angsting about it.

The latest one, we've seen a great deal of each other over a few months, we've met each other's parents and friends. We were in bed within 10 minutes of first meeting. It may yet come to nothing, but it almost definitely would have without the sex.

And yes, maybe only 1 in 100 sex-on-first-date dates end in marriage, but I would think it's similar for no-sex-on-first-date dates - I've had some hilariously awful first dates where there was no chance of me shedding a single layer of clothing.

But it doesn't matter what I think or do. If someone else doesn't enjoy casual sex or needs to feel emotionally close before sex, or is too uncomfortable about the risks of STIs or pregnancy, she needs to do what works for her.

defi · 10/04/2023 19:33

I was online dating for a year, most contact was a hug or a peck on the cheek. Then I met my now boyfriend via tinder. We slept together on the second date. I think we both just knew it was going to work out

UniversalMamma · 10/04/2023 19:38

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 19:14

A man will string you along and say all the right things until he gets what he wants and still dump you. It's like a challenge.

Show quote history

Who ARE these people you’re meeting? I’ve literally never met anyone like this in my life

Cas112 · 10/04/2023 19:40

Everyone is different.. it's upto you both and not what the social norms are expected to be

UniversalMamma · 10/04/2023 19:40

EBearhug · 10/04/2023 19:27

I'm with those who don't want to invest in a relationship unless the sex is good, so I usually go for it on the first date. Sometimes it's the only date, often it's not. I am lucky to be highly orgasmic, and if a man can't make me cum first time we're together, then he's probably really shit in bed, and he won't be getting a second chance to prove otherwise anyway. But not all women are comfortable with casual sex (nor are all men,) and nor do all women find it easy to reach orgasm, so what works for one of us won't necessarily work for another any way.

Quite a few of those which have been only one date, it's my choice as much as their's - a couple of weeks back I realised one of them I'd not heard from in three months, and I wasn't bothered, because that was mutual, and I hadn't been angsting about it.

The latest one, we've seen a great deal of each other over a few months, we've met each other's parents and friends. We were in bed within 10 minutes of first meeting. It may yet come to nothing, but it almost definitely would have without the sex.

And yes, maybe only 1 in 100 sex-on-first-date dates end in marriage, but I would think it's similar for no-sex-on-first-date dates - I've had some hilariously awful first dates where there was no chance of me shedding a single layer of clothing.

But it doesn't matter what I think or do. If someone else doesn't enjoy casual sex or needs to feel emotionally close before sex, or is too uncomfortable about the risks of STIs or pregnancy, she needs to do what works for her.

Hear hear 👏

thatheavyperson · 10/04/2023 19:46

Me and my husband were dating for four months before we slept together. This wasn't some sort of intentional tactic of mine, it was just the way it naturally progressed.

I think a big factor was that it was my first time having sex, and not his. He felt quite a lot of pressure to make everything feel perfect, I think.

I really didn't intend to marry the first man I slept with to be honest, but here we are 🤣 no regrets!

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 19:57

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 19:25

I never get this excuse to sleep with me straight away, even if some men will do that at least it weeds out the ones who expect sex on the first date. Many won’t hang around if
you don’t put out on the first night so will weed some of them out! Not everyone wants to sleep with every man they have a date with.

Show quote history

Neither do I. And nor have I.

I was just pointing it out, it happens.

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 20:02

UniversalMamma · 10/04/2023 19:38

Who ARE these people you’re meeting? I’ve literally never met anyone like this in my life

Show quote history

Are you really saying it doesn't happen?

(not necessarily anyone I've been involved with).

CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 10/04/2023 20:11

UniversalMamma · 10/04/2023 19:38

Who ARE these people you’re meeting? I’ve literally never met anyone like this in my life

Show quote history

Well, you're lucky.

Years ago some of my girlfriends met plenty of these types of guys.

Mostly divorced men who felt they had something to prove 🙄

PaintedEgg · 10/04/2023 20:11

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

UniversalMamma · 10/04/2023 20:14

guiltyassin · 10/04/2023 20:02

Are you really saying it doesn't happen?

(not necessarily anyone I've been involved with).

Show quote history

I’ve got no idea if that happens or not but by the sounds of it it has never happened to me or to you?

CaptainCorellisBagpipes · 10/04/2023 20:22

@EBearhug I am lucky to be highly orgasmic

Then surely any man can make you cum, if that is the case, all you have to do is point him in the right direction, so to speak?

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