Could you have been as happy without children?

[James637]

People with kids, do you think you could have been as happy in life without them? Also, older childfree/less people, do you ever regret your decision? Does it get boring as a couple without kids?

I've always wanted children so if I had not had them I think I would have always regretted it. And having them has made my life richer in so many ways. I've made my own friends through them. Had loads of experiences I wouldn't have had without them. Enjoyed seeing them grow and develop. Etc. That said, having had them, I definitely think it's possible to be happy without children, if you've never had a burning desire for them in the first place. So if you've never been bothered about having them but wonder if you should just because 'everyone else does' then I really think you shouldn't bother as life can definitely be enjoyed without them. Day to day I definitely miss the freedom of, for example, pottering around the shops for a few bits and pieces without a whingey 5 year old in tow asking to go home after the first shop we've visited. But at the same time I do prefer my life with my children in it.

This is pretty much me and my situation too

Probably, because we are very happy together and wouldn’t have known any different.

Never wanted them, never had them. So happy with my decision.

The anxiety of the decision is driving me nuts! I don’t see how people make this decision with ease, there’s so much as stake, it’s a literal life changer. Did anyone else have crazy anxiety over this? I’m scared I won’t like it when it’s too late! Or a won’t love the kid and will resent it 🙈

I love my kids and I think they're the best thing in my life.

Would I have been happy without having kids? I don't know, it would have been a different life. I don't think I would have been sorry, as my original life plan (such as it was) didn't include them.

I'm glad life went the way it has.

No. I’ve always wanted children, and I’ve had a battle to have them. 3 miscarriages before my son, and another between him and my current pregnancy. The joy he brings to my life, and the enjoyment I get from being with him outweighs the misery of toddler tantrums and evening-long bedtime battles. Knowing all the heartbreak we had to go through to get here I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

I don’t think I would have ever made peace with it if I’d never had children. Yes I would definitely have more money, and more freedom, and I’ll be raising kids into my 60s but I am content.

@James637 it can't be that bad, I had a child 22 years ago, due to DH at the time only ever wanting one we stuck at that. I can honestly say I loved every second of motherhood. DS moved abroad with work 2.5 years ago. Divorced 6 years ago, recently remarried at 43. We're young hearted/minded and we've got the chance to live practically 'child free' as we have for the majority of the time we've been together but knowing/remembering the joy and fulfilment it entails and after 4 years on the fence we decided to go for it and are now trying for a child. Saying that if it doesn't happen this next few months we'll stop. It's the hardest decision you'll ever ever make.

I think it is the hardest decision you will make in life for sure. It amazes me that a lot of people make it without thinking! Like how does anyone do that!

I had lunch today with DH and my three adult kids, two still living at home, eldest came with his wife and daughter and his MIL and FIL. We had such a wonderful afternoon. Would I have been happy without kids, I don’t know, but I do know that mine have brought nothing but happiness to my life. Having said that I know how lucky I have been with my kids and would never judge anyone where things have been different.

Childfree by choice, I knew from age 9 that I didn't want children...and seeing how miserable having 3 made my own parents just cemented the idea for me. I've had two abortions to make sure I didn't and have never regretted either for a second, I just feel a profound sense of relief that option was available to me.

I don't feel like I would have gained any positives in life if I had - from everything I read on here, having children just adds tonnes of negatives to your life, 99% of the time. I now understand fully why my parents resented the restrictions children put on their lives so much.

My two brothers haven't had children, either.

No absolutely not. I always wanted children and if DH hadn’t wanted them it would have been a deal breaker. We struggled a lot to have our 2 DC and I am grateful for them every moment of every day.

We had fertility issues so having children was not a given. Had we not had them life would have been just as fun, more hedonistic and maybe less fulfilling overall. We have good careers and high joint income so could have bought a second home overseas, gone on amazing holidays, spent much more on hobbies and retired 10 years earlier!!
I wouldn’t change the life we have now for anything as it’s incredibly fulfilling, everyday teaches you something new etc and are able to do a lot of what we’d have done if we were childless

With the benefit of hindsight I would have been happier without.

But, I am old and it's just the 2 of us again now.

I desperately wanted children. I conceived easily and loved their childhoods. However I find things much much harder now they are adults. They all have different problems and lean on me quite heavily. Some problems I can’t fix which have caused enormous grief and difficulty. To be totally honest, I wish I hadn’t had children now . I think I would have felt it to be a huge loss and a source of grief if I hadn’t though. Because I wouldn’t have foreseen the suffering that would ensue.

No. I longed intensely for them and if I hadn't have been able to have them, I think I would have felt tortured. It would have been very hard to accept. Now that I have all three of them, they enhance my life in so many ways...they give me purpose, I enjoy their company, I am busy and fulfilled and take so much joy in their achievements, however small. I travel less than I would have, for money reasons, but the need to earn money to support them and do things has driven my career and we still go to a lot of places and do a lot of things. That's really important to me, to give them experiences. A lot of my friends haven't had children for various reasons and they're a lot richer than me. They enjoy their lives. But there's genuinely not a moment I think I'd like to swap with them.

I'm happy me and DP made the decision not to. Our relationship is stronger than I think it would have been if we had chosen to, and we can enjoy our free time and finances however we want. I never had the strong biological urge though, so the decision wasn't a tough one for either of us.

I think people who are child free by choice have wonderful, fulfilling lives, many of my friends have lots of luxury time to do whatever they please, many have pets which is enough responsibility for them and they're happy.
Some left it too late and now regret not having children.
Some parents I know barely bother with the basics with their kids and might love their children, but certainly haven't made them a priority.
So it's all relative.
I always wanted children and I've had a hard time bringing them into the world but they've been worth it. Every last miserable second I've endured to have them.
Without my kids I'd have never really enjoyed life, but that's because it's what I wanted more than anything else, had my ambitions been for travel or a flying career, I'd probably have felt differently.
I'd definitely only actively try to become a parent because you want kids, not something to trial without a desire to do it.

No I don't think I would. My children are my life. Don't get me wrong, I hate the arguing, monotony and relentless being present. But I would be lost without them.

I never longed for kids. In fact, friends still remind me how I used to say how I didn't want kids when I was in my 20's
I loved my dp, independence, social life and career.
Then I had an urge in my 30's so I had dcs and it's been amazing. I'm still independent , I still have a social life, I still have a career and I still love my dp.
The dcs have added an extra dimension.
I've loved introducing dcs to their world.
Experiencing what the world has to offer in the company of my dcs is the thing that's brought me the most happiness.
I think I would have still been happy if I'd never had them, but I feel Im so much happier with them.

No, because I always wanted children so if I'd not been able to I would have been devastated. But if I hadn't had that urge I think, yes, definitely.