Could you have been as happy without children?

[James637]

People with kids, do you think you could have been as happy in life without them? Also, older childfree/less people, do you ever regret your decision? Does it get boring as a couple without kids?

Why is that? Is there a reason you could share?

No not with the kids we have, they are fun, engaging, inventive, smart, entertaining, caring, and this is two teenage boys. They are growing into amazing, forward thinking, strong, kind young gentlemen.

They give our lives purpose, we go places, see things, meet people, do stuff that we would never have done without them.

They give us a connection to the future, some of it we will never see.

We have a love for them that is unlike any other love. It's protective and endlessly forgiving. Being a parent has truly taught us patience and devotion.

So for us, no, our lives would have been much less colourful and grey without our kids.

That's not to say they are perfect far from it, it's relentless, hard work, stressful, heartbreaking at times, exasperating, a battle, worrisome. Scary even.

But on balance parenthood, for us, is an amazing journey we are glad we had, are still having, the privilege to travel.

Saying all that, if we hadn't of had them we would have found fulfillment elsewhere. We didn't have a burning at all cost desire to have children. It just happened so we embraced it.

I'd have been happier without them, to be very honest. The complications it all brought and the relentless responsibility and guilt over every bloody thing.

Having children has given me new perspective and opened up a different dimension of the world, and myself. I have learned so much from my children, most especially about me. It's not always been easy but the best things rarely are. Having I think I prefer the person I have become since I stopped being the centre of my own universe.

I'm not sure. The thing is that my overall happiness is now inextricably linked to my children's happiness, so anything that makes them unhappy makes me unhappy too. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy experience happiness or pleasure in other things, or that they are responsible for my happiness. But it does mean my degree of happiness is kind of capped at theirs iyswim.

Much as we love them and have hugely enjoyed them so far. If we’d never had kids, I feel we’d have been extremely happy too. And richer.

I definitely think many people can be just as happy (and much happier!) without children! I know many people who don't want children and are living extremely happy lives! However, for me personally I don't think I could have been as happy. I've always had this overwhelming longing for children and this strong maternal instinct. Before I had children I used to get told off by friends for mothering them! Having my own children gave me a purpose and fulfilment. I know if I didn't have children I would always have that unfulfilled longing to have them.

Me too

How old are your kids?

Hesistant to answer this OP given it reads like a daily fail push.

If I knew then what I know now, then I absolutely could have been as happy without them as with. But I could never have had that knowledge then, and not having children at that point would have been something which made me desperately sad. And without knowing what I now know, that sadness would have weaved through my life just as much as the experiences I have had as a result of having children. I’ve no idea what the future holds, but I hope that there will be joy and richness from seeing my children go out into the world, albeit with worry and undoubtedly complications. Had I not had children, I’m certain I would have been able to make a life that had richness and joy in other ways.

I don’t believe anyone needs children to have a full and happy life. Happiness is variable and a result of circumstance in my opinion, and those circumstances can come with or without children.

Huh? It’s not one sided, I’m just asking for peoples honest opinions!

I think if I hadn’t had children I would have felt a huge loss, so not happier at all. I feel so fortunate to have them and know I’m very lucky with how they are as well.

It’s such a hard decision to make, like how you can know from the other side of the fence how you will feel afterwards. Seems like a massive gamble to me

20 and 22 years.

So what do you think OP? Why are you asking?

But with my entire heart and being, I love my children, soul deep, and they really are my purpose. I am fulfilled and deeply, deeply content and grateful for them.
This is it for me too. I always wanted kids, wanted a family, and don't get me wrong, it's bloody hard, my kids are ND and have MH issues and medical issues, and their father is emotionally abusive, but they are my 'raison de etre', I couldn't imagine being happy without them. For me, this is it.

Why do you want to know, are you writing an article?

I don't think it would have made much difference, I think we'd be just as happy with or without. I have an unusual setup though, I had my daughter at 17 so got all the baby stuff done while I was still young and had boundless energy. It didn't impact my DH and I as much as they seem to with actual adults because I had mine and his family wrapped around as constant and unending support.

In my 30's now with a blessedly well behaved teen, and I'm absolutely never having another. I think if I'd never had my daughter I probably wouldn't have chosen to have children at all. I'm not a natural mother, somehow managed to do well with her, by pure luck I think. But husband and I are now very happy just as we are and wouldn't change anything.

I don’t think I’d be here if I didn’t have them. Honestly I have nothing in life. I don’t go anywhere or do anything that isn’t related to children. I have autism anxiety depression. But that’s just my personal situation. My siblings don’t have kids and have amazing happy lives.

No! I’m stressing out myself because I can’t decide!

I was never broody and children weren’t something I thought about but having my son genuinely is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s grown now but the joy and experiences, just the absolute best part of my life, I can’t imagine a life lived without him, being a mum opened up a part of me and a party of my heart that I didn’t know I had and although there were lots of hard times and struggles, oh I loved it, I really did and I still love it when I get the chance to see him, usually when he’s not feeling well and needs looking after 😂

I am well and truly on the fence, but edging towards taking the less risky option of not having them!

Childfree by choice. Aside from the usual (winning the lottery, being mortgage free etc) DH and I have a very happy life together. I'm happier than I've ever been.