Could you have been as happy without children?

[James637]

People with kids, do you think you could have been as happy in life without them? Also, older childfree/less people, do you ever regret your decision? Does it get boring as a couple without kids?

If things had gone according to the path I was on when I had my children I would now be a very senior Civil Servant, which would be pretty intolerable under current conditions. So for that reason alone I'm happier with children! Also, I quite like them.

I never planned to have children, they just kind of happened -three in three years, mad really! I had to give up my corporate job to care for them. If they hadn’t happened I know I would have gone all the way to the top of the ladder. Plus, they cost me my marriage (XH just couldn’t cope with the responsibility). And right now my heart is breaking for two of them as they struggle with health problems. They are late 20s.

But - my god it’s been so much fun throughout! I started a business from home so I could be there for them, and this business has thrived financially, also giving me the intellectual and social stimulation I need. It meant I have been there fully through all the non-baby stages. I even liked the teenage years! They’re just great people, they always have been the people I most want to spend my time with. I can’t believe how lucky I have been.

Having said that, I do think I would have been happy not having children. I just wouldn’t have known how happy I would be with them.

Absolutely not. Don't get me wrong, I would have been perfectly happy, definitely had more money(!) and been able to do some things that will now (at best) have to wait until they are grown and flown, and I certainly would not miss having to read Biff, Chip and Kipper for more years than is good for anyone's sanity!

But when I think of the happiest moments, the times I get that feeling of pure love and absolute happiness sweeping over me - it is all about the children and what they bring to our family. First day back at school today - bring on half term!

I'd have had to have found a way to be happy. But I'm extremely glad I don't have to. I love being a mother, so much, so much more than I thought was even possible. It's just amazing. I pinch myself every single day I get to be this kid's mum.

I’m child free and have never regretted my decision.

The thought of being responsible for another human being quite frankly terrifies me.

The worry and stress looks and sounds exhausting. Life can be stressful and expensive enough, so I think to myself, why would I add more challenges and expense to it?

Some posters on here have mentioned that they wouldn’t want to bring a child into this worrying world and I totally agree. The world is so messed up right now. I’ve just never had that urge to have children at all. I know being a mum must have some benefits but surely not enough for all the freedoms it must take away from you.

For me, there are just so many reasons not to have children. I like to do what I want when I want (except the constrictions of work of course), such as sleep in on weekends, be spontaneous and just be able to come and go as I please. I care and look after my friends, families and pets, so I still have that caring nature for others, just without the huge responsibility and the expense of offspring.

I actually have several child free friends so it shows it’s more common now. They don’t regret it either. I do have a friend who was in the same position as you OP and couldn’t decide what to do (she’s 40) but has now decided not to have children and is happy with her decision. One of her reasons to maybe have them was that she felt like she should give her parents grandchildren!

Personally, I would say that if you’re having doubts about deciding, then it’s not for you OP. I think you can see the reality and that it’s not the fantasy that is often portrayed.