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Relationships

34 weeks pregnant and he's been texting escorts

172 replies

Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:25

Hello,

I am 34 weeks pregnant. My sisters husband has just been found to have been 'sexting' other women and today, I saw a video saying if you click edit on iphone messages, you can see recently deleted. I've never wanted to look through DH's phone before but, tonight he asked me to plug his phone in to charge and for some reason (I don't know if it was the shock of my sisters seemingly perfect husband getting caught out or just curiosity from the video i had seen) i decided to have a look and see if there were any messages in there.

He works with cars and always saves customers names as car and name as it's easier for him to find them in future. There were 4 messages to 'Alfa Amy' from 17 days ago, at 1:30am... I recovered them and immediately regretted this as, I saw four messages, which read as follows;

Looking good
Love the curves
Where you at
Where you at

All from him, no response to any.

Also, another number which wasn't saved from the same time. And he has sent "looking good Lucy" - again, no response.

I asked him straight away who she was and he started with the "who, what are you talking about" I read them out and he laughed and said "Oh it was me and my mate messing around, it's just some escort thing, it's nothing"

After pressing him about it and going on my own messages, I found that his friend had gone home hours before these messages and he had messaged me around the same time saying "I'll sleep on the sofa and let you get some rest" (I had been struggling to sleep, being pregnant and a light sleeper and he is a snorer)

He maintains that there was nothing in it and he had no intention of sneaking out to meet anyone or anything like that. He says he found the website because, his boss told him about it and says he messages girls on it. He says he saved her as that name in his phone so she would be at the top, so he could show the messages to his boss and is adamant that it was a joke and thinks I am overreacting.

My whole body is shaking and I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, I don't believe he would ever cheat on me and go and meet anyone but, it's just the secrecy and the fact I’m laid upstairs like a beached whale at 34 weeks pregnant whilst he messages these girls. I genuinely don't think he's done it more than once.

I don't really know what sort of advice I am looking for. I'd wouldn't leave him over something like this, especially given we have a little one already and another on the way in a matter of weeks. I just think I need to talk this out with someone and I don't want to tell any of my friends or family about it.

Thanks in advance! X

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Emmamoo89 · 19/01/2023 21:26

You need to leave him! You and your children deserve so much more than that scumbag x

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Shadesofscarlett · 19/01/2023 21:29

I agree - this will not get better. He is minimising. Even if he is just messaging escorts, why would you stay?

However, I expect he has done more than just message.

The fact that he thinks this is fun and he can show his boss - he doesn't like or respect women much does he, and he has no respect for you too.

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Yellowflowerr · 19/01/2023 21:30

I’m sorry OP this must be really hard for you to digest. However, this man is clearly having the intentions to cheat… he has not messaged these women as a joke, that’s just not normal behaviour (and I also fail to see how that’s funny)… I understand you don’t want to do anything too drastic however he has kind of already done that for you. I’d be very surprised if there wasn’t even more he’s not telling you. This is just what you’ve ‘found’.

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Christmaspyjamas · 19/01/2023 21:30

It shows a shirty attitude towards women if true.

But it doesn't ring true. There was nothing witty or entertaining in the messages to indicate he was doing it fir friends' amusement.

8n fact he was asking where they were physically located.

It didn't go further because they didn't reply.

He kept the numbers so he could try again.

Sorry. Thats how I read it.

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Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:31

I feel I should also mention that he was very drunk when this happened. I know that isn't an excuse, just making sure I give all of the facts! That is why I don't think he makes a habit of it. I just don't get why he asked where she was. I've asked him over and over and he says it was just to strike up conversation. He said "What was I going to do, just pop out?"

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Yellowflowerr · 19/01/2023 21:34

Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:31

I feel I should also mention that he was very drunk when this happened. I know that isn't an excuse, just making sure I give all of the facts! That is why I don't think he makes a habit of it. I just don't get why he asked where she was. I've asked him over and over and he says it was just to strike up conversation. He said "What was I going to do, just pop out?"

OP, I get that you want to believe this is all just a joke or misunderstanding but no one messages escorts without one thing on their mind… I’m sorry

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Starlitestarbright · 19/01/2023 21:34

You're an idiot if you believe his story yardh but true.

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Starlitestarbright · 19/01/2023 21:34

Harsh*

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Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:36

I don't believe that it was a joke. I just don't think he has physically done anything and don't know how to feel about it all.

I have adhd and I am heavily pregnant so my hormones are raging and so, I’m a very sensitive person at the best of times so, I think I'm posting on here for other opinions on it.

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Plainlyme · 19/01/2023 21:37

I'd be devastated if I found that on my man's phone, sorry 😞

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Yellowflowerr · 19/01/2023 21:37

I hope you can see the unanimous consensus here is that this man is lying, is cheating (I would be shocked if he hasn’t done more that you don’t know of) and doesn’t respect you. You’re worth more OP

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Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:37

Update:

I just asked if this has ever happened before. He said no but me and "ex colleague from old workplace" used to message these women and 'wind them up'

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RosaBaby2 · 19/01/2023 21:40

My ex texted escorts a few times, after 2 years he shagged one, then a year later he did again. Each time I forgave him. He carried on texting and calling them and probably more then he cheated on me with a girl from work - now he's doing the same to her.,

Please think of only yourself. He won't change, it's so disrespectful and you deserve better.

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Amuseaboosh · 19/01/2023 21:42

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I think you need space to process this and your feelings on it. Can you ask him to stay elsewhere over the weekend?

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Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:44

I've just remembered that the ex colleague he mentioned was left by his fiancée years ago when she found out he was meeting escorts.

I am trying to question DH but, he is getting annoyed and telling me to drop it because he's not done anything.

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PerpetualFailure · 19/01/2023 21:45

What an inauspicious start to parenting. Sorry OP :( You do not deserve this at all. He shoukld be makijng you feel loved and comfortable.

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RosaBaby2 · 19/01/2023 21:46

Does he have a contract phone? You can check phone bills and Google the numbers. That's how I found out.

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Christmaspyjamas · 19/01/2023 21:47

He has done something!

So he is claiming that texting escorts is fine within a relationship and he sees no reason to stop.

You get to decide what you put up with. And you need to decide because he's now claiming that to be in a relationship with him you have to accept unquestionably him texting escorts and whatever else he later decides is "nothing". What a pig.

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whytesnow · 19/01/2023 21:47

So sorry to hear!! I was in a similar situation I wasn't pregnant I was in complete shock and thought it was just the one off but later on found out he cheated a few times. I wouldn't trust him

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Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:59

I've asked what he wanted from them and what he would do if they replied and he said he would've sent them his bosses number and said he wanted their services.

I've told him I don't believe him and to talk to me when he is ready to tell me the truth. He said "right whatever, I’m going to bed"

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Isme1908 · 19/01/2023 22:01

So sorry for you to be going through this while you are heavily pregnant. Look after yourself ❤️

You have said you aren’t going to leave him which is completely up-to you but please know that texting escorts isn’t normal or acceptable behaviour and he needs to work hard to regain your trust now( not telling you to drop it because you are questioning him!)

The fact that he enjoys ‘winding up’ escorts with his friend is really rather questionable. Has he always been a misogynist?

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LittleLillie · 19/01/2023 22:05

The fact that he is being so defensive speaks volumes.

Im so sorry OP x

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Mumof2under5 · 19/01/2023 22:11

Do u have a job you can return to? Supportive family/ parents you can rely on for childcare? Start thinking how you’d manage without him regardless of whether you stay/ leave him… if it happens that you need to leave him at least you’ll have a plan forward

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Ofcourseshecan · 19/01/2023 22:12

Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:37

Update:

I just asked if this has ever happened before. He said no but me and "ex colleague from old workplace" used to message these women and 'wind them up'

He said no but me and "ex colleague from old workplace" used to message these women and 'wind them up'

What a jerk. At least you know you’re not the only woman he disrespects: he despises women in general.

And he thinks ‘winding up’ prostitutes is less disgusting than hiring them.

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Sweetnsourtoday · 19/01/2023 22:17

Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:59

I've asked what he wanted from them and what he would do if they replied and he said he would've sent them his bosses number and said he wanted their services.

I've told him I don't believe him and to talk to me when he is ready to tell me the truth. He said "right whatever, I’m going to bed"

I'm not buying it either.
Sounds like he's lying.
His responses brush you off. He's disrespectful.

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