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Original poster

34 weeks pregnant and he's been texting escorts

185 replies

Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 21:25

Hello,

I am 34 weeks pregnant. My sisters husband has just been found to have been 'sexting' other women and today, I saw a video saying if you click edit on iphone messages, you can see recently deleted. I've never wanted to look through DH's phone before but, tonight he asked me to plug his phone in to charge and for some reason (I don't know if it was the shock of my sisters seemingly perfect husband getting caught out or just curiosity from the video i had seen) i decided to have a look and see if there were any messages in there.

He works with cars and always saves customers names as car and name as it's easier for him to find them in future. There were 4 messages to 'Alfa Amy' from 17 days ago, at 1:30am... I recovered them and immediately regretted this as, I saw four messages, which read as follows;

Looking good
Love the curves
Where you at
Where you at

All from him, no response to any.

Also, another number which wasn't saved from the same time. And he has sent "looking good Lucy" - again, no response.

I asked him straight away who she was and he started with the "who, what are you talking about" I read them out and he laughed and said "Oh it was me and my mate messing around, it's just some escort thing, it's nothing"

After pressing him about it and going on my own messages, I found that his friend had gone home hours before these messages and he had messaged me around the same time saying "I'll sleep on the sofa and let you get some rest" (I had been struggling to sleep, being pregnant and a light sleeper and he is a snorer)

He maintains that there was nothing in it and he had no intention of sneaking out to meet anyone or anything like that. He says he found the website because, his boss told him about it and says he messages girls on it. He says he saved her as that name in his phone so she would be at the top, so he could show the messages to his boss and is adamant that it was a joke and thinks I am overreacting.

My whole body is shaking and I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, I don't believe he would ever cheat on me and go and meet anyone but, it's just the secrecy and the fact I’m laid upstairs like a beached whale at 34 weeks pregnant whilst he messages these girls. I genuinely don't think he's done it more than once.

I don't really know what sort of advice I am looking for. I'd wouldn't leave him over something like this, especially given we have a little one already and another on the way in a matter of weeks. I just think I need to talk this out with someone and I don't want to tell any of my friends or family about it.

Thanks in advance! X

OP posts:
Ghostbuster2639 · 19/01/2023 22:18

You've only his word she is an escort. I would ring the number.

EVHead · 19/01/2023 22:22

What a git. I’m so sorry. Do you have family nearby who can support you?

IsThePopeCatholic · 19/01/2023 22:23

He’s a liar, with a shocking attitude towards women.

Isme1908 · 19/01/2023 22:24

Ghostbuster2639 · 19/01/2023 22:18

You've only his word she is an escort. I would ring the number.

Yep I thought this too….. the fact she’s saved as Alfa Amy and he saves his work customers numbers like this…. Could it be a customer he’s messaged when drunk? Not sure which scenario is more disgusting!

Nelly10 · 19/01/2023 22:39

Don’t be me! I was pregnant with my daughter finding seemingly ‘innocent messages’ to women my stbx husband was sending…..8 years later the full horror of what he’s been doing has just been revealed. I was going to leave when pregnant I so wish I had of now! He’s lying sorry op.

Original poster
Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 22:41

I have family nearby who would definitely support me however, I really don't want to tell them as, my family are very judgemental and if I wanted to move on from this with him, I truly believe it would be better to keep it between us. That's why I’m posting on here and not speaking to a friend about it.

I just need to digest it all right now. It's difficult to get my head around. I feel I need to look through more on his phone as I only saw those after a 5 second click on his messages and my head is spinning wondering if there is more in his WhatsApp/Facebook and so on. However, I know if there was anything there won't be now. And I also don't know if I want to see anything else. Plus, there is the fact that me asking to look through it would cause an argument and I just don't have the energy.

I think I’m going to try to go to sleep and see how I feel about it all in the morning.

I wish I was a mind reader ☹️

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/01/2023 22:46

I'd wouldn't leave him over something like this

In that case, stop asking questions and get that lobotomy booked sharpish. You are going to need to find some way to convince yourself you are not clinging onto a relationship with a misogynist shagger

MountainChalet · 19/01/2023 22:47

If he didn't do anything, it's purely because he didn't get the chance. It seems that he was trying to get some. I couldn't trust someone like this. I'm sorry OP you're going through this.

Ghostbuster2639 · 19/01/2023 22:50

Escorts tend to be quite clear about their location.

Mumofoneson5 · 19/01/2023 22:53

If he is texting (as in SMSing) them there should be a detailed part of his bill if he’s on contract that will tell you exactly when he’s texting these numbers. Might take some digging.!

hope you’re ok, it’s an awful thing to happen anytime never mind pregnant!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/01/2023 22:58

If you wouldn't leave him over this, then I suppose you'll accept damn near any kind of shit behaviour. You are in total denial if you don't think he's cheated on you.

ExtraJalapenos · 19/01/2023 23:13

You really wanna stay with a man who texts escorts as a 'joke'?

Would YOU text a male sex worker? Even as a joke?

I'm sorry OP. But you're a doormat if you stay. He knows you won't tell your family. And that you'll allow him to just brush it off. Because that's what you've done.

What's the point if you can't trust him?

Copperoliverbear · 19/01/2023 23:15

I'm really sorry but I don't believe him, the only reason he never did anything is because they didn't reply. X

BunchHarman · 19/01/2023 23:15

He is a liar. He is full of shit.

You need to find your anger.

BreviloquentBastard · 19/01/2023 23:19

Yuck what a pig.

Do better for yourself and your children OP.

DiastasisRectiSucks · 19/01/2023 23:25

The saddest part is his lies aren’t even remotely convincing, just a jumble of obvious nonsense. He’s panicked and grasping for something anything that will just shut you up ☹️

He’s stomped off so he can get some thinking time to decide how to make his lies fit together the next time you confront him.

I cannot imagine how horrendous this must be for you. I am so sorry you are in this position 💐 Just know that if he can do this to you now when you are so vulnerable and lie to your face about it, this is the man he is. It will happen again.

Gamezup · 19/01/2023 23:35

So OP, he "would have sent them his bosses number" would he?!! What an absolute crock of shit!! And he expects you to believe that??
He sounds a lying toad and i bet if you googled the numbers of 'clients' on his phone, some of them would be prostitutes. My EXH kept a list of numbers in his contacts list as though they were work contacts. I later found some of them were prostitutes.
I am so sorry to hear your situation but you need to talk with your family for support. Remember its not your dirty little secret but HIS !!

Original poster
Yrmyfavourite · 19/01/2023 23:42

I couldn't sleep and I went and got his phone. I woke him up unintentionally and told him to go back to sleep when he asked what I was doing. I came back upstairs with it and saw there were now a lot more deleted messages so I recovered them all and started to scroll through and work out which ones they were. I only managed to see one more from gone midnight 22nd December saying "eyup you live?" I've searched the number and it said WhatsApp live video calls with a well established cam girl.

I didn't get chance to find anything else because he demanded his phone back. I said no I need to see what else there is and he started to raise his voice and got really angry saying he wouldn't be made to feel guilty when he hasn't done anything wrong. I told him he would wake our daughter and he was scaring me and he said he didn't care and continued to get angry and irate. He was trying to grab the phone from me and I started to cry and said he was hurting me and kept saying please don't do this I’m pregnant and he managed to overpower me and got the phone from me and threw it across the room. He shouted again and went back downstairs leaving me having more or less a panic attack and crying. I've managed to calm myself down and tomorrow when he has gone to work I will take my daughter to my mums house and tell her what is happening. He hurt my hands where he was grabbing the phone but other than scaring me, he didn't do anything more than that.

😢

OP posts:
Willow12345 · 19/01/2023 23:48

So sorry you're going through all this OP, what a nightmare.
I think you'll be safer at your mum's and that will give him time to calm down. You both need to have a long talk about how/if this can be resolved.
Good luck x

Christmaspyjamas · 20/01/2023 00:12

Please take care tonight. Yes you need your Mum. As difficult as it will be you need real support from someone who.loves you.

Thistlelass · 20/01/2023 00:13

I feel for you. My daughter has had this happening in her marriage. Her husband has also been gambling. She is still with him. This is entirely up to you here what you do. The mums on here will tell you to leave him and I think sometimes that is just a knee jerk response. In our family case, my daughter broke down and told me. I said I was telling her Dad. Her Dad then had a telephone discussion with her husband. I don't know what is happening with them now. It is their private relationship and I need to be sensitive. Good luck xx

caringcarer · 20/01/2023 00:22

I'd never be able to trust DH if I found something like that on his phone.

Original poster
Yrmyfavourite · 20/01/2023 00:24

When I said I wouldn't leave him over the messages, I did mean that. However, he has been violent towards me in the past. There were a handful of incidents that occurred over 8 years ago and never again since (I wouldn't have ever had children with him if I had seen any hint of anger or violence in those past 8 years since we got back together. I truly believed he had changed.)

After his angry and violent behaviour tonight, how scared I felt... even before he touched me i was backing away and knew that wasn't right. I don't think I can stay with him. Whatever his truth is about the escorts, he can keep it. I just want me and the babies to be safe. I just don't know what I’m supposed to do now.

OP posts:
Fantina · 20/01/2023 00:34

OP, I was in a very similar place as you. I didn’t leave, I was convinced to stay and that he was only ‘curious’. 18 wasted years later I eventually left him and I am now rebuilding my life. Don’t be me, get out and stay out. Sending you love and strength.

PMAmostofthetime · 20/01/2023 00:35

@Yrmyfavourite

I hope you are ok?
You are doing the right thing for you and your children. Try and get some rest so you have the strength to go through with your plan tomorrow.
If you are scared tonight again or if he threatens you call 999 and dial 55 they know you can't talk and will locate you.

Sorry you are going through this- things will get better for you.

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