Husband has decided that i can do all the housework

[needagoodnightsleep1]

Led here in disbelief and pretty pissed off and need to have a little rant.
Ive been having doubts for some while about wether to end my marriage or not. Its been hard work, too hard!! Long story but i find him very self centred and lazy and it appears to be getting worse. He's not a very good husband or father and to be honest I'm not even sure why I'm still with him!! Im half way out the door.

Tonight he tells me that he's thought about the housework/shopping/washing etc and he states that seeing as he works more than me (i work 4 days and he works 5), that on the 5th day of him working i should do all the housework so on the two days off nothing will need doing. We have a 3 year old dd who i like to take to soft play lunch etc on my day off so its not like its a day off to myself.

I already do 90% of the housework the house is clean and organised, its me who makes sure all the bills are paid, holidays birthdays and Christmas are sorted.
And now I'm over reacting to his suggestions because not only will he not need to do anything on his two days off apparently neither will i!!
Led here feeling like an absolute fool and ready to end this marriage for good

Would you be able to afford a cleaner between you? They don't have to do the whole house, but just the main bits to lighten the load (bathrooms, dusting and vacuuming basically). Obviously that still leaves stuff like changing beds, laundry and doing the dishes but it would be manageable and you'd still both have much/most of the weekend chore free?

One of the tabloids has gotten hold of this thread.

apple.news/AUrFkrH1qRzCtlcKcSIKwuA

I would say on reflection you have decided you’ll work 5 days a week, and the household chores can be split totally equally.

re: working part time when you have a pre school child. The aim is to have the time with your kid, not have the day doing chores. Would prefer to work full time if that’s what part time means…

Omg im mortified!!

@Scottishskifun yes we are in Scotland!!
Will have to look into it thank you.
Everyone has a breaking point these decisions aren't easy and do not happen over night unfortunately

@RoseAdagio honestly the housework is not unmanageable. If we are busy on day trips etc it just doesn't get done. If we are here half an hour gets it sorted pretty quickly. Definitely more of a Dh problem than a housework problem

@MeridaBrave i have thought about it but it does not make sense for me to work 5 days. When factoring in child care costs and less time with dd i would prefer not to work the 5th day. A marriage should be a joint effort and therefore once again i would have to make more sacrifices than he does

Don’t be. The worst (best!) case scenario is that your ex partner recognises himself and reads what we all think of him.

What, are we famous now???

@needagoodnightsleep1 Keep going, we support you! 💞

So if you bought it prior and not as a family home then he is unlikely to have a claim on it cathkarlinfamilylaw.co.uk/matrimonial-division-of-assets/ but definitely speak to a solicitor.
My DH and I had the Scottish version of a prenuptial done due to having to buy our house solely in one name before marriage I remember my dh changing it to 50/50 (deposit mostly came from him actually goes in my favour) after marriage and the solicitor 3times checking he understood that he didn't have to as it was pre marriage and pre children

You’re his wife, not his servant. Divorce is a very final thing and I can understand you being in two minds. I would separate from him for now. Let him live alone for a while. Let him pay rent/mortgage on a flat, pay housekeeping bills, do his own cleaning or pay a cleaner, do his own shopping, cooking, everything. It could be the wake up call that he needs to see what goes into running a household, as some people (men) don’t seem to understand just how much physical and mental work it all is. It could spur him to change, make you miss him and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place, or it could show you that you’re actually happier without him. Either way you’ll get your answers.

Well done OP. From personal experience, life without a manchild is far preferable, enjoy!

I wonder how much easier your life is going to be with him gone? No moaning to have to (pretend to) listen to, none of his laundry to deal with, none of his hobbies to cater to or work around, none of his conspiracy theories…
Honestly, I wouldn’t want my kids growing up around that kind of “You know what he’s like…” kind of relationship.
You’re going to thrive!

Is that you, OP's husband? Because I don't think anyone else could have that response to this thread.

Another troll 🙄

How original 🙄

Not even married a year,day 2 and it started, honeymoon wanted to be in control of the finance,I was working he wasn't.Thought as we are now married I give him my wages,working full time,he is sat at home ,doing nothing but,apparently that's a woman's job,that's what being a wife is.Thinks I want him to be an equal, says that ain't happening as I should know my place. The man I fell in love with and still do ,turned out to a controlling male chauvinist. I have moved out,still undecided whether to go back.ive been here before ,first time married.As I'm off sick it's got worse. I'm just at a loss what to do.

Don't go back to him.

Is this the life you want?

Don't have children with a waster.

Life will be utterly miserable.

Continue to be brave.

Sue for divorce asap and get away from him.

You deserve better than an utter loser.

He's got it wrong, as if he wanted a traditional wife HE needs to be the provider. That's his job.

With you doing both jobs of husband and wife, there's no point to him.
He's just a cocklodging leech.

What to do?

Stop giving him your money.
Kock his arse out. File for divorce.

Feel like a failure, not even married a year 2 days after the ring was on,all change,he hasn't worked in over a year.Had to laugh yesterday, when he said housework was a wife's job.Looked in into divorce, blooming can't, cause we ain't been married a year.Spent a couple of days together, first thing he said the ironing needs done,I've been off work since November with inflammation in my blood, my body has and still is in a lot of pain. God forbid if it was more serious .As he still didn't help. 51 and still learning and falling for BS.

Get legal advice. Am actually wondering if an annulment would be an option as he happily showed you who he was on Day 2 ... clearly had it all planned out.

Don't wait around for things to get worse.

He clearly conned you.

But you had the cop on to leave.

Move on the divorce ASAP, the first minute you can.

Mind yourself.

It does sound like you were conned by this arse.
Please don't stay. Forgive yourself and get rid of him.

You noted your age and many men around that age and older are looking for a nurse with a purse.

What is your living situation?

Did he move in with you?