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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decided that i can do all the housework

235 replies

needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:29

Led here in disbelief and pretty pissed off and need to have a little rant.
Ive been having doubts for some while about wether to end my marriage or not. Its been hard work, too hard!! Long story but i find him very self centred and lazy and it appears to be getting worse. He's not a very good husband or father and to be honest I'm not even sure why I'm still with him!! Im half way out the door.

Tonight he tells me that he's thought about the housework/shopping/washing etc and he states that seeing as he works more than me (i work 4 days and he works 5), that on the 5th day of him working i should do all the housework so on the two days off nothing will need doing. We have a 3 year old dd who i like to take to soft play lunch etc on my day off so its not like its a day off to myself.

I already do 90% of the housework the house is clean and organised, its me who makes sure all the bills are paid, holidays birthdays and Christmas are sorted.
And now I'm over reacting to his suggestions because not only will he not need to do anything on his two days off apparently neither will i!!
Led here feeling like an absolute fool and ready to end this marriage for good

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 04/01/2023 09:27

Aw! Nice to see a happy ending!

SchnauzerEyebrows · 04/01/2023 09:27

And you just know he'll be telling his mum/whoever "she's ended the marriage because I suggested she do housework on one of her days off...!" Conveniently leaving out the finer details and the fact that he does bugger all!

whoruntheworldgirls · 04/01/2023 09:29

Whoop go OP! Gin🍾

mrsbyers · 04/01/2023 09:31

Tell him he’s funding a cleaner

Abigail69 · 04/01/2023 09:32

LOL, sounds like my DH

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:35

How are there so many inadequate failures of men walking among us? Jesus Christ, it’s depressing.

Admire your resolve though, OP. Enjoy your life with your daughter and without him fucking it all up.

Clarinet1 · 04/01/2023 09:35

Another slap on the back for OP! However, another reason she was right to kick her husband out is the negative role model she would have been creating for her DD if she had gone along with his plan.

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 09:35

Abigail69 · 04/01/2023 09:32

LOL, sounds like my DH

‘LOL’? Do you find it funny to have to deal with a man like that?

rainbowstardrops · 04/01/2023 09:36

@needagoodnightsleep1 I love your reply to him!!!
So many women on here tolerate utter shit from their partners but so refreshing to hear that you're not one of them!
You do most of the drudge work anyway, so you may as well do it without that dead weight hanging off you!

crossstitchingnana · 04/01/2023 09:37

I thought "he has a point" until I saw you have a three year old. I am sure on your day off you do washing etc.

I used to do these things with my toddlers. Spending time with them is important.

iliketartan · 04/01/2023 09:37

Bravo 👏

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/01/2023 09:38

Ydkiml · 04/01/2023 04:52

Well done , I ll give him a week and he ll be asking to talk about your marriage. Let him speak so you can enjoy his sorry arse !

I can't agree. This isn't your average 'LTB:' OP wasn't calling his bluff to bring him to heel. His total lack of consideration or ability to behave reasonably caused her to have already checked out of the marriage before posting. Seems this was just the final straw.

She's deadly serious about ending the marriage: fat lot of good talking will do other than bring further unwanted angst to the table. My inclination would be to employ a good solicitor and let them do any talking necessary.

Good for you, OP. The constant squealing on this site of how women are man-haters and will shout 'LTB' at the least provocation (generally untrue as people tend to post about extremities on here) - is merely an indication of how women these days are not prepared to put up with this shit anymore. And rightly, too.

Rightsraptor · 04/01/2023 09:39

What an arse he was.

I could deal with not loving my ex. I found it harder to deal with not liking him much. I found it impossible when he started treating me like a servant.

Your husband, and others probably, will say 'What? You chucked him out just because he said that???' But it wasn't because of 'that'. It was because 'that' was the accumulation of all the negative stuff over so many years.

The straw that broke the camel's back.

SchnauzerEyebrows · 04/01/2023 09:39

@Chickenvoicesinmyhead That would be laid here

WeNeedMoreFairyLights · 04/01/2023 09:40

Huge well done for coming to the realisation. Remember it’s not over this, it’s just the tiny thing that broke you after the culmination of everything, so you don’t have to defend yourself to anyone that this was the reason why you left.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 04/01/2023 09:43

SchnauzerEyebrows · 04/01/2023 09:39

@Chickenvoicesinmyhead That would be laid here

👍

CantPreventSpring · 04/01/2023 09:45

OP, well done! What a dickhead.

Slimjimtobe · 04/01/2023 09:47

Good for you 👍
his mother will have to do all now for him sadly for her but that’s how he has been raised

JoyPeaceSleep · 04/01/2023 09:48

I'm impressed OP
He thought you'd be so keen to stay married that you'd do 100% of the housework despite working almost f/t with a child!
I wonder if he has his mum's sympathy.

catfunk · 04/01/2023 09:50

Op I think you're my hero!
Hope you're ok today x

Ariela · 04/01/2023 10:09

WinterDeWinter · 04/01/2023 00:48

On the fifth day you are providing unpaid childcare. It is not a day off.

^ This.
He should spend the saved day care money to pay for a cleaner/housekeeper if he wants that time free of chores for both of you

Mumsanetta · 04/01/2023 10:19

A huge round of applause to you @needagoodnightsleep1 as it is not easy to acknowledge that you deserve better and then actually do something about it. I wish Mumsnet would pin your thread to the top of the relationships board to encourage more women to demand better and stand up for themselves. You should be our mascot. Hold on to your resolve as best you can - you will need it whether you decide to divorce your DH or give him another chance if he sees the error of his ways.

scoopoftheday · 04/01/2023 10:20

Abigail69 · 04/01/2023 09:32

LOL, sounds like my DH

You need to raise your bar

AutumnLeaves0 · 04/01/2023 10:21

Well done you!!!!!!!

HandbagsnGladrags · 04/01/2023 10:21

Mumsanetta · 04/01/2023 10:19

A huge round of applause to you @needagoodnightsleep1 as it is not easy to acknowledge that you deserve better and then actually do something about it. I wish Mumsnet would pin your thread to the top of the relationships board to encourage more women to demand better and stand up for themselves. You should be our mascot. Hold on to your resolve as best you can - you will need it whether you decide to divorce your DH or give him another chance if he sees the error of his ways.

Completely agree - well done OP. I also wish I'd had MN back in the day when I was married to my ex. It might not have taken me so long to leave him.