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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has decided that i can do all the housework

235 replies

needagoodnightsleep1 · 03/01/2023 23:29

Led here in disbelief and pretty pissed off and need to have a little rant.
Ive been having doubts for some while about wether to end my marriage or not. Its been hard work, too hard!! Long story but i find him very self centred and lazy and it appears to be getting worse. He's not a very good husband or father and to be honest I'm not even sure why I'm still with him!! Im half way out the door.

Tonight he tells me that he's thought about the housework/shopping/washing etc and he states that seeing as he works more than me (i work 4 days and he works 5), that on the 5th day of him working i should do all the housework so on the two days off nothing will need doing. We have a 3 year old dd who i like to take to soft play lunch etc on my day off so its not like its a day off to myself.

I already do 90% of the housework the house is clean and organised, its me who makes sure all the bills are paid, holidays birthdays and Christmas are sorted.
And now I'm over reacting to his suggestions because not only will he not need to do anything on his two days off apparently neither will i!!
Led here feeling like an absolute fool and ready to end this marriage for good

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:24

@IWineAndDontDine super woman it would appear bloody idiot!

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:27

@Stickytoff its taken me too long to realise this, negotiating with an absolute lunatic who thinks he's right all the time!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:28

@justasking111 probably at his mothers i really don't care!! He's her problem now not mine

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:29

@Suprima thank you but to be honest i should have done it a long time ago

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:32

@IWineAndDontDine its amazing what a little bit of fury can drive you to do!! I can't believe he actually thought i was that much of a doormat to even have that conversation with him. Tonight has been a real eye opener for me. His lack of respect, entitlement and selfishness he can go and f@@k himself.

OP posts:
allboysherebutme · 04/01/2023 00:33

Tell him he can pay for a cleaner once a week. X

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:36

@allboysherebutme i earn more than him so unfortunately it'll end up me paying. Im now more than happy to do all the housework with one less person in my house taking the mick

OP posts:
billy1966 · 04/01/2023 00:40

I think you are going to feel a huge amount of relief very soon.

Well done.

Start calculating CM and get organised.

Wasters like him are really no loss to anyone.

Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:43

Thank you all for your company and support. The house is all locked up and ive taken his key off him. Ive blocked him on whats app and calls (to avoid nasty messages) Time to try and get some sleep before work tomorrow Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:44

@billy1966 thank you. Ill get it all sorted at weekend but already feel a huge sense of relief

OP posts:
WinterDeWinter · 04/01/2023 00:48

On the fifth day you are providing unpaid childcare. It is not a day off.

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 04/01/2023 00:51

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:36

@allboysherebutme i earn more than him so unfortunately it'll end up me paying. Im now more than happy to do all the housework with one less person in my house taking the mick

Of course you earn more than him

It makes total sense that a lazy self centred man would have a bruised ego that his wife earns more than him and will retaliate by heaping all the domestic load (widely duties) on her

Thank goodness you've got him and his pathetic sad little opinions out of your life

Fraaahnces · 04/01/2023 00:56

On the day that he’s working and you’re not, you should get your paperwork organised and make an appointment with a solicitor.

EllesB · 04/01/2023 03:20

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

Well then. As they say in the US, “Sometimes the trash takes itself out!” I bet you feel lighter without that dead weight hanging round.

And of course you’re the breadwinner. They’ve done studies that show that when men work or earn less than their female partners they actually do the least amount of housework and childcare, even less than men that work and earn way more than their wives. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

Sneakyblinders · 04/01/2023 03:28

You're not at home with free time, you're looking after your young child!

I am also part time with a toddler at home when
im not at work and the house is generally worse on that day because I'm running around after them / focussing on them.

You are not overreacting.

Passanotherjaffacake · 04/01/2023 03:54

Well done OP!

🤣🤣🤣about his ‘bright’ idea that you just do everything and he does nothing. I guess it backfired on him a little bit… unless he lives with mummy forever.

good luck to you and respect for not negotiating or taking any shit. Xx

Merlinsbeard83 · 04/01/2023 04:03

Just wanted to say how impressive you sound . Think a lot of us wish we where more assertive like you .
All the best for the new year

Cappuccino17 · 04/01/2023 04:05

So because you work a mere 1 day less you have to pick up all the rest of it? How does that even make sense. Tell him to come up with a better plan. You are doing a lot by just taking your 3 year old out, never mind having to pick up the housework on top of that. Tell him to get off his lazy a*

Cappuccino17 · 04/01/2023 04:06

Sorry just read the thread. Looks like you have moved on already!

echt · 04/01/2023 04:15

I'm trying to imagine a cartoon where he's looking all Confused, sitting with his little suitcase going: That went well.

You're well rid.

Judgyjudgy · 04/01/2023 04:25

Maybe he's done you a favour. Tell him you've got a better idea, and show him the door 🚪 😉

Judgyjudgy · 04/01/2023 04:27

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:02

He's just come into the room ranting how how unhappy and miserable i am!! He's now packing a bag I've asked him to leave and told him our marriage is over

Great work OP. Many of us wish we could be as brave! What a relief to be rid of his useless arse. I give him a week before he comes crawling back

Hatscats · 04/01/2023 04:37

Well done for getting rid of the bag of shit - what a dickhead! Stay strong, don’t take him back - you deserve better as does your daughter.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2023 04:41

Wow. I can see that was the expectation that broke the camel’s back. My dh helps out and I don’t work as I’m too ill. He also has a very well paid job. Well done for advocating for yourself and your dd.