Page 8 | Husband has decided that i can do all the housework

needagoodnightsleep1 · 2023-01-03T23:29:47+00:00

Led here in disbelief and pretty pissed off and need to have a little rant. Ive been having doubts for some while about wether to end my marriage or not. Its been hard work, too hard!! Long story but i find him very self centred and lazy and it appears to be getting worse. He's not a very good husband or father and to be honest I'm not even sure why I'm still with him!! Im half way out the door. Tonight he tells me that he's thought about the housework/shopping/washing etc and he states that seeing as he works more than me (i work 4 days and he works 5), that on the 5th day of him working i should do all the housework so on the two days off nothing will need doing. We have a 3 year old dd who i like to take to soft play lunch etc on my day off so its not like its a day off to myself. I already do 90% of the housework the house is clean and organised, its me who makes sure all the bills are paid, holidays birthdays and Christmas are sorted. And now I'm over reacting to his suggestions because not only will he not need to do anything on his two days off apparently neither will i!! Led here feeling like an absolute fool and ready to end this marriage for good

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2023 16:06

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 10:54

Thank you all so much for your support and lovely commmets I've got up this morning got dd off to nursery and I'm now at work. He's got me wrong if he thinks this will break me I'm strong and independent, I do not need him!! He's definitely underestimated me.
There will be no talks regarding any of this with him anymore. There will be no talking me round. Ive done more than my fair share in this marriage if not more and I've been taken for granted for the very last time.
Thanks again for your support

Well done! Did he say goodbye to your DC?

What's the housing situation? Do you jointly own/rent? Can you afford your house on your own?

And get on to CSA pdq! He might be a bit reluctant to pay...

healthadvice123 · 04/01/2023 16:28

I used to work 4 days and dh 5 so on my day off i did use this as a day to do some extra housework , take car for mot's , kids dentist if possible etc etc but we still had to both do housework in evenings , and weekends both of us as one day doesn't cut it

Twillow · 04/01/2023 16:38

You're soo much better off, well done for seeing the light!

wheredyaparklouissss · 04/01/2023 16:52

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 00:21

@Soonenough any redeeming qualities he may have had were far out weighed by his selfishness.

His redeeming qualities are neither here nor there when he has zero respect for you, which is always the real issue with these people.

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 17:38

Just got a chance to read your replies once again thank you for the support and keeping me strong and reinforcing ive done the right thing 100%.
We don't have joint bank accounts, the bills are all in my name and come out of my account. The house is mortaged in my name only i bought it before we married. I can afford to pay the bills/mortgage etc it will be a bit of a squeeze but will be worth the struggle!!!
Im beginning to think he's a bit if a lunatic. Ive been thinking about the last few days and some of the things he said and can't believe i didn't explode sooner. You honestly couldn't make up some of rubbish he comes out with. Then when i question him i have a problem, I always have a problem apparently. I think it winds him even more than i remain completely calm and say well thats not exactly the truth i didn't raise this problem you did!! I very rarely cause an argument or pick him up on things I just happily carry on.
What he doesn't like is when he is complaining about something and i question it or provide evidence or facts that dont back up with what hes saying.
For example he said yesterday that he when hes here he does 100% of the childcare. He shouldn't have to come home look after the baby give her a bath and put her to bed. I pointed out im usually cooking tea while he sits in the lounge with her, and when he's on lates i do bed bath etc i do it. However im happy to do it more often.
Last night i gave her a bath early (probably just to make a point) so when he said let go for a bath she said she had already had one. Then at bedtime i said lets go now its bedtime, he said ill take her and i said no its fine ill do tonight. To which he started mumbling oh so i cant even take her bed you always have a problem. I quickly reminded him that he had the problem
How can argue with someone like that. I won't be anymore it's pointless i actually think he likes moaning and complaining

OP posts:

ProperVexed · 04/01/2023 17:42

You can't argue with stupid!

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 17:46

I also think if anyone was going to have a discussion about the fair distribution of house hold chores it should have been me!! 3 days in the week we both work so very little needs doing, i get home half an hour before him so i start tea and empty the dishwasher. After tea we either share the cleaning up or fill the dishwasher or he'll do it. Two other days in the week I'm home and have most of it done So again its just dinner dishes after I've cooked baby bath and bed.
I work one day at the weekend he might put the hoover around clean a toilet but in the great scheme of things very little. And he wants to do even less!!

OP posts:

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 17:48

ProperVexed · 04/01/2023 17:42

You can't argue with stupid!

Exactly this it frustrates me so much its just not worth it. For someone who appears to have a brain he talks so much shit and cant or wont back up any of his rantings

OP posts:

Soothsayer1 · 04/01/2023 17:56

What he doesn't like is when he is complaining about something and i question it or provide evidence or facts that dont back up with what hes saying
In he mind he is the boss because he is the man, you are supposed to unquestioningly agree and go along with what he wants. He gets irritated because he feels you ought not to make him feel silly by pointing out that what he says is not true.
Sounds like he's just not very bright?

cassiatwenty · 04/01/2023 18:02

Thank you for the update @OooScotland I didn't read that bit

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 18:21

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 17:38

Just got a chance to read your replies once again thank you for the support and keeping me strong and reinforcing ive done the right thing 100%.
We don't have joint bank accounts, the bills are all in my name and come out of my account. The house is mortaged in my name only i bought it before we married. I can afford to pay the bills/mortgage etc it will be a bit of a squeeze but will be worth the struggle!!!
Im beginning to think he's a bit if a lunatic. Ive been thinking about the last few days and some of the things he said and can't believe i didn't explode sooner. You honestly couldn't make up some of rubbish he comes out with. Then when i question him i have a problem, I always have a problem apparently. I think it winds him even more than i remain completely calm and say well thats not exactly the truth i didn't raise this problem you did!! I very rarely cause an argument or pick him up on things I just happily carry on.
What he doesn't like is when he is complaining about something and i question it or provide evidence or facts that dont back up with what hes saying.
For example he said yesterday that he when hes here he does 100% of the childcare. He shouldn't have to come home look after the baby give her a bath and put her to bed. I pointed out im usually cooking tea while he sits in the lounge with her, and when he's on lates i do bed bath etc i do it. However im happy to do it more often.
Last night i gave her a bath early (probably just to make a point) so when he said let go for a bath she said she had already had one. Then at bedtime i said lets go now its bedtime, he said ill take her and i said no its fine ill do tonight. To which he started mumbling oh so i cant even take her bed you always have a problem. I quickly reminded him that he had the problem
How can argue with someone like that. I won't be anymore it's pointless i actually think he likes moaning and complaining

The trouble is, you may own the house pre your marriage, you may pay the bills, have no joint accounts. But you are married, EVERYTHING
( unless it's a very short marriage in the legal sense) will start at a 50/50 split.

Sadly.

pinneddownbytabbies · 04/01/2023 18:26

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 18:21

The trouble is, you may own the house pre your marriage, you may pay the bills, have no joint accounts. But you are married, EVERYTHING
( unless it's a very short marriage in the legal sense) will start at a 50/50 split.

Sadly.

Show quote history

If the house is in the OP's sole name and she has always paid the mortgage and other household bills out of her sole bank account, then a 50/50 split is highly unlikely.

It makes me wonder what he actually has been contributing...

Soothsayer1 · 04/01/2023 18:27

OP will need to gather all documentation etc showing that he's contributed very little

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 18:57

Even so, unless it's a "short marriage" the contract of Marriage is all assets, financials etc are shared, as the starting point.
Sadly, in this case!

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:02

Ive got all the documentation, passports etc hidden away.
When his last marriage ended he walked away with nothing even offered to sign over the house to her when her new partner moved in. That was a joint mortgage joint bank accounts where he did actually pay for everything for about 12 years. They couldn't take on the mortgage so the house was sold. He was told by a solicitor he wouldn't het anything out of it and she would need that money to buy another property. So if i can find that solicitor ill hire her!!
Worse case scenario ill apply for a mesher order i think its called and delay any sale of the house till dd is 18. Not the best of plans but at the moment its all I've got. Ive got two dc here and don't want to up root them

OP posts:

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 19:05

@needagoodnightsleep1
This is a useful website

rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/financial-arrangements-marriage-breakdown/

Best of luck, you deserve to keep far more than 50% by what you have said!

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:07

We've been married for 5 years. Ive just googled it, anything 5 years and less is classes as a short marriage so hopefully 🤞🏻

OP posts:

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:08

@Feministwoman thank you ill have a read when dd goes to bed

OP posts:

Soothsayer1 · 04/01/2023 19:10

Sounds like he doenst have what it takes to be in a partnership, he's only happy if they other person does all the work for him and if he cant have that he's gone...off looking for the next victim from whom to freeload.
I would just try and drop quietly off his radar lest he become a thorn in your side when/if he finds it harder & harder to secure new victims

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 19:14

Were you living together before marriage, because that can also count 😢

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:15

I wished i had figured it out sooner, but genuinely i don't believe he's capable of been in a relationship or been a parent. I think he likes the idea but isn't prepared to actually parent or be a good partner. He's ok when he he can do what he wants when he wants. He really is that selfish. Kid's housework etc get in the way of him doing what he wants

OP posts:

Original poster

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:17

Feministwoman · 04/01/2023 19:14

Were you living together before marriage, because that can also count 😢

We were only living together for about 6months before we got married big mistake looking back now. But who's to know these things will happen. I took a gamble it didn't pay off

OP posts:

comfortablylesslumpy · 04/01/2023 19:29

Thank goodness you have split now , I would have thought 5.5 years won't count as a long marriage so tgat reduces how much of a chunk he might get of your house.

He does sound like an arse and good for you for standing strong. What a great exanple to set for your children.

Here's to a stress-free 2023

Soothsayer1 · 04/01/2023 19:35

needagoodnightsleep1 · 04/01/2023 19:15

I wished i had figured it out sooner, but genuinely i don't believe he's capable of been in a relationship or been a parent. I think he likes the idea but isn't prepared to actually parent or be a good partner. He's ok when he he can do what he wants when he wants. He really is that selfish. Kid's housework etc get in the way of him doing what he wants

I think many men are similar...when I look at the lengths they go to in order to avoid doing any of the parenting & domestic work. Before when women had less access to well paid jobs it was more hidden, and if you were in the situation you were more inclined to doubt yourself with few others who could corroborate your experience, now when women are increasingly the breadwinners we see that men often expect to get all the glory without doing any of the work....they always want the lions share

Scottishskifun · 04/01/2023 21:37

Well done OP for being very strong and decisive.
I have a friend who's husband is like yours and she just makes excuse after excuse for him wish she would be as strong!

If your based in Scotland then the house counts as a premarital asset and cant be used in the divorce unless you then put his name on it btw