Dating when you’re not attractive

[TwentysixV]

I’ve always been single, never been asked out/very rarely get attention from men (and if I do it’s ones I just don’t find attractive). I’m just not very attractive. I’m a healthy weight, dress well and have ok teeth and hair so I don’t think I can improve my appearance. How did you find a partner if you’re not attractive? All my other single friends have men asking them out/showing interest without them even having to do anything and I never get any interest in real life. I don’t get many messages/matches on dating apps either and if I do they are from men I just don’t fancy at all (I know that’s shallow but I don’t see the point of dating a man I’m not attracted to). I don’t ever ask guys out either, but I feel like if they were interested they would ask me out/make a move and it would be clear they liked me. Anyone else relate, or gone from not getting any interest to being in a happy relationship with someone they are attracted to?

I believe that it is the case.. As I said before, it is not a crime but is a double standard whether you like it or not.

So if a woman is slim but she likes her men muscly, is that a double standard? If she's short but likes a tall man?

Or does your belief just apply to the overweight, who aren't allowed to want something different from them, without it being wrong?

Nobody is saying it’s wrong, just that it’s less likely they will find someone who is interested in them.

I know there are exceptions but good looking people tend to date other good looking people. If you’re 2 out of 10, you probably wouldn’t get a look in with a 9 out of 10. That’s Mother Nature for you!

So if a woman is slim but she likes her men muscly, is that a double standard?

They might both be attractive though, just in a different way.

I suppose the same might apply to your other points about weight, if I've remembered correctly!

Theres also different criteria for ‘conventional beauty’ in men and woman. The most desirable body type for men is muscular, and for women it’s slim with some curves. It isn’t the same for both sexes.

So someone overweight is automatically unattractive?

No! That's not what I meant at all. I don't think that. I meant a similar argument could be made as to the point I made about the slim and the muscular person still both being attractive. If that makes sense?

Sorry for the confusion

Still don't get it, @debbylucy

A slim person might be as attractive to someone as a muscly person or a rounder person... I think I'm missing your point but it seems like you're saying that's not the case.

I'm saying their attractive levels might be the similar, though they're physically quite different.

Am I making sense yet? .

Isn't the point about conventional norms? Of course some muscular people may be attracted to heavier people, in certain cultures larger women for e.g. are the cultural norm and standard of beauty. In our culture, not so much, but it doesn't mean that larger people are unattractive

I'll be honest @Watchkeys I started out on here disagreeing quite strongly with your views. But I've re read your comments and reflected, and I actually think you're coming from a very sound position. I started with a pragmatic view, but there is something in your refusal to accept the views of the mainstream as limiting women's options that I admire, and find impossible to argue with on principle.
The question in your last paragraph is fair and pertinent.

@5128gap

I appreciate your comment, thank you.