Dating when you’re not attractive

[TwentysixV]

I’ve always been single, never been asked out/very rarely get attention from men (and if I do it’s ones I just don’t find attractive). I’m just not very attractive. I’m a healthy weight, dress well and have ok teeth and hair so I don’t think I can improve my appearance. How did you find a partner if you’re not attractive? All my other single friends have men asking them out/showing interest without them even having to do anything and I never get any interest in real life. I don’t get many messages/matches on dating apps either and if I do they are from men I just don’t fancy at all (I know that’s shallow but I don’t see the point of dating a man I’m not attracted to). I don’t ever ask guys out either, but I feel like if they were interested they would ask me out/make a move and it would be clear they liked me. Anyone else relate, or gone from not getting any interest to being in a happy relationship with someone they are attracted to?

Do they? Rich successful ones maybe. But Joe Bloke down the road with his paunch, bald spot and face like a bulldog? If he's going to hold out for a beauty he'll have along wait. Epecially with those priorities.

already Been discussed on the thread

Do they? Rich successful ones maybe. But Joe Bloke down the road with his paunch, bald spot and face like a bulldog? If he's going to hold out for a beauty he'll have along wait. Epecially with those priorities.

This is true.

Maaaan I know so many men who are exceptionally less attractive than the women they are with. But they are kind loving loyal confident men and it all makes sense 😊😊

It's not double standards to not fancy people who aren't like you. There's lots of couples who fancy each other where one is large and one is slender, or one is tall and the other short. What you find attractive doesn't represent your 'standards'. Not fancying someone doesn't mean you have some kind of judgement against it; it's not in your control.

Are muscly men only supposed to fancy muscly women, or else be exhibiting 'double standards'?

Its not about only fancying people like you. That would be ridiculous, as the sort of characteristics considered attractive in men and women are not typically the same. Its about not applying standards to a partner that you don't yourself meet. So in the above example the woman was holding men to a weight related standard she didn't meet and expecting them to overlook a 'flaw' she wasn't prepared to overlook in them.

But being overweight isn't a flaw in many people's books. It's been widely accepted for years that many men like curves on women, and many women like toned muscles on men.

Arguing that 'standards' for men and women aren't the same is disproving your own point.

I think dad bods are a type a lot of women prefer tbh and I've known some very large women to find partners with no problems at all. I don't think slim automatically means more attractive at all, for either gender.

I'd prefer to look like Ashley Graham than someone like Gillian McKeith (weight loss fanatic and torturer of the overweight) at the same age for example.

I don't think slim automatically means more attractive at all, for either gender

And nor does tall/short/blue eyed/brown eyed/dark/pale anything.

There is no 'automatically' attractive trait. People with goofy teeth and poor skin and bad breath and crossed eyes find partners. They may not be conventionally beautiful, but that doesn't mean they're not beautiful at all.

No, that's why I used the inverted commas. It's not a flaw in everyone's eyes, but it is in the eyes of the woman in the example. To her obesity is an unattractive thing yet she expects men to overlook her obesity.
And 'liking curves' on a woman typically refers to women with hour glass bodies. Some men may like obese women, but most do not have obese in mind when they express a preference for 'curves'.
I'm not disproving my own point. There is a difference between standards and criteria.

Agree @Watchkeys

No just being slim doesn't automatically make someone conventionally beautiful. There's more to it than that.

What's a dad bod? Somebody unfit?

A dad bod represents over 65% of the male population. Belly-moobs-small arms-spindly legs. Prevalent in over 40's males.

Ashley Graham is facially very pretty. Gillian McKeith is not and never has been.
IMHO of course.

@5128gap

I'm not disproving my own point

Righto. So it's different rules for men and women, and men and women all need to expect the same of each other as they expect from themselves. Got it.

A dad bod represents over 65% of the male population. Belly-moobs-small arms-spindly legs. Prevalent in over 40's males.

Thanks @PrincessConstance

Though some women prefer this 🤔

A lot not some.

Ugly men ’get’ beautiful (or at least much better looking partner than they are all the time!).

I’ve never seen a couple where the man is the better looking one.

I don't suppose we have many choices. Men and women struggle with weight in equal measure. When I met Dp he was gym toned despite being older but his weight is creeping up. He's not done any exercise for 9 months. He is aware but says he cba atm.

Who's making that judgment and why?

Me.
I’m the ruler of what is beautiful and handsome.
Nice to meet you!

Shall I bow/curtsy?

But why make that assessment and on what grounds and basically what for?
Dp thinks some women are deluded, especially after a colleague commented on him. He said she was more likely to win the lottery and land on the moon at the same time.😂

I think this is really true. Also it doesn’t matter how good you look, if you have no hobbies or interests and no confidence that will be the biggest turn off of all. I have a friend who has considered doing OLD. She’s obsessed with her weight and spends a fortune on skincare. However she has no hobbies or interests, and depends on her adult sons for companionship. She has nothing to say beyond talking about her sons, who avoid her as she is so needy.
Having a life, interests, enthusiasm and an outgoing outlook are what make a person attractive. This person will only consider good looking men who look fit but the chances of her finding that are remote.

also It’s worth saying that men have insecurities too. They can be shy or lacking in confidence. A woman who is warm and friendly will be much more likely to be someone they are drawn to and want to ask out . A very attractive woman who looks unapproachable and intimidating will not be asked out as much in my experience.

I have. Lots of times.