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Original poster

Not invited to the party...

177 replies

MonetMuse · 19/10/2022 07:34

I was chatting to a friend yesterday when she casually said, ‘Are you going to G’s 50th at the weekend?’
This was the first I’d heard of it so obviously my husband and I aren’t invited. My friend was really embarrassed when she realised…
We live very close to the party couple and are part of a group that does lots of stuff together. The women have coffees, do an exercise class together, go to the cinema… My husband and I have been to the party couple’s house for dinner and they’ve been to ours. We’re not close friends exactly, I’ve closer friends in the group, but you get the picture.
I can’t stop thinking about it, it feels like a real slight! I don’t think I’ve had this feeling since school days, the thought of everyone gathering to have fun just up the road and we’re not invited.
I wonder if she just forgot to invite us.. she’s quite a scatty person… but how will I ever know? Do I just act as friendly as ever when we see each other for our class next week - and if anyone mentions the party, act like I didn’t hear? (If they don’t mention it, that might feel even worse!!)

OP posts:
Tallulah28 · 22/10/2022 20:39

How is it spiteful of them? For simply not inviting someone to an event?

Tallulah28 · 22/10/2022 20:52

This is utter nonsense. Only on MN is it expected that whole classes must be invited to parties every time. What kind of message does it send to a child to have the focus of their special day being about not offending others rather than being allowed to choose who they celebrate it with?

CallTheMobWife · 22/10/2022 20:58

Tallulah28 · 22/10/2022 20:52

This is utter nonsense. Only on MN is it expected that whole classes must be invited to parties every time. What kind of message does it send to a child to have the focus of their special day being about not offending others rather than being allowed to choose who they celebrate it with?

Indeed. And who can afford such things anyway?

YouBloodySod · 22/10/2022 21:21

I saw pictures of my sister-in-law's birthday on Facebook with the other females of the family, neices and another sis in law. My hubby and 2 sons were fuming, I was more hurt than anything but realised I wasn't wanted there, I thought fair enough. Told them to keep quiet about it, they said but you're always there for them mum so why didn't they invite you. I told them not to worry about it, I didn't want anyone falling out about it. Still hurt though. 🤷

coodawoodashooda · 22/10/2022 22:20

YouBloodySod · 22/10/2022 21:21

I saw pictures of my sister-in-law's birthday on Facebook with the other females of the family, neices and another sis in law. My hubby and 2 sons were fuming, I was more hurt than anything but realised I wasn't wanted there, I thought fair enough. Told them to keep quiet about it, they said but you're always there for them mum so why didn't they invite you. I told them not to worry about it, I didn't want anyone falling out about it. Still hurt though. 🤷

That was really mean.

notanothertakeaway · 23/10/2022 07:41

Dibbydoos · 22/10/2022 19:42

Our good friend (a neighbour) asked another neighbour to let us know about a BBQ they were having.

We never got the message either on purpose or by mistake (noone was quite sure, the one who were supposed to let us know were bitchy neighbours always stirring up trouble).

My hubby had words with our friend over it - he was pd off cos tgey could have called or walked 200m to our house to let us know. It really affected our relationship :( and we'd known then for years before we end up being neighbours.

My advice, is to just say 'oh abc said you're having a party, hope you have a good time'. They can then either say thanks or ask why you're not going. You will then know if you're invited.

@Dibbydoos What a shame to lose a friendship with A because B didn't pass on a message. It would have been better for your DH to roll his eyes and say "that's B for you", rather than picking an argument with A over lack of invitation. And what a shame to lose a friendship with A over something so trivial

coodawoodashooda · 23/10/2022 09:15

notanothertakeaway · 23/10/2022 07:41

@Dibbydoos What a shame to lose a friendship with A because B didn't pass on a message. It would have been better for your DH to roll his eyes and say "that's B for you", rather than picking an argument with A over lack of invitation. And what a shame to lose a friendship with A over something so trivial

Show quote history

But it's not trivial. If it wasn't a big deal they'd have been welcomed.

MyStarBoy · 23/10/2022 09:47

@MonetMuse
It’s extremely bad mannered.

It will take a good while for you to feel comfortable in her presence.

Are people (her) so shallow and ignorant that they don’t realise this.

As long as they’re okay they couldn’t give a flying fuck.

theremustonlybeone · 23/10/2022 13:02

YouBloodySod I hope you stopped putting yourself out for these people who excluded you

YouBloodySod · 23/10/2022 14:04

Yes, gone low contact now but I thought (mistakenly) that I got on well with both sister-in-law's. You can never tell can you. 😢

voiceofmarion · 25/10/2022 10:55

Personally I would send a birthday message and tell her you hope she has a wonderful party. If she thanks you in response with no mention of an invite then you know where you stand. Sheay extend an invitation though which would suggest it was an oversight

sounds like begging for an invite-do NOT do this. Have some self respect.

voiceofmarion · 25/10/2022 11:00

She must have known I'd seen it as she sent me a text saying she was sorry she hadn't asked me but she didn't think it was my thing

unless for religious reasons or mental health reasons I can't understand not inviting somebody to a standard birthday party as it's not their thing. It's a pretty standard social event anybody can go to, it's not like they went rock climbing for it or something.

voiceofmarion · 25/10/2022 11:04

I’d rather have friends around me than expensive food.
each to their own

in the real world vast majority of people by 50 would only have enough real close friends they'd be taking to a party anyway where it be enough space to sit them down at the family home and cater for them. That is if you don't have a large family you are close to, but only on mn do people have 50 friends etc.

voiceofmarion · 25/10/2022 11:13

A few months later I bumped into the father and I told him how hurt I was. He was mortified and said it was just an oversight. He had invited ex with a group of male friends and just completely forgot about me

of course he would say that as you put him on the spot and it was no oversight, you don't 'forget' to invite somebody. He picked your ex over you but wouldn't admit it and that would sting. Whilst these things can be painful they can too be a blessing in disguise as you see people/friendships for who/what they truly are.

Did you maintain the friendship?

Tiredalwaystired · 26/10/2022 13:29

voiceofmarion · 25/10/2022 11:04

I’d rather have friends around me than expensive food.
each to their own

in the real world vast majority of people by 50 would only have enough real close friends they'd be taking to a party anyway where it be enough space to sit them down at the family home and cater for them. That is if you don't have a large family you are close to, but only on mn do people have 50 friends etc.

im not with you there. That equates to gathering one friend per year of my life. When I take into account uni friends, early work days friends (there was a LOT of good times back then), friends I met through becoming a parent and friends I have met through my hobbies (given that a lot have spouses I’ve got to know) 50 isn’t a massive number of people to know well.

mumtobe97 · 14/12/2022 09:01

What happened in the end? Did it get mentioned? Did you say something? Intrigued!!

SheenaShoemaker · 22/12/2022 13:55

This has happened to me over Xmas with my social circle. Not invited to a gathering whereas everyone else is. I've had three friends ask if im going but I've had to say I wasn't invited. One even messaged the host about me but got no reply. I thought we were all friends. Clearly not! I'm not ballsy enough to say anything.

BeechOak · 23/12/2022 00:02

That sounds really hurtful and it’s just horrible when you’re left wondering why. At least your other friends wanted you to be there, which counts for a lot. Focus on them.
Hope you’re OK and you can put the meanie host out of your mind. Horrible of her to make such a pointed gesture.

Bellagi · 01/01/2023 01:18

This happened to me recently, a whole group of friends invited apart from me. I never thought I'd be bothered about such things but it was/is incredibly hurtful. I feel now to hide away these days. My closer friends in the same group agree they would have felt the same as me.

chopc · 01/01/2023 08:42

@Bellagi so your closer friends in the same group felt the same as you. Did they ask why you were not invited ? How did your close friends support you?

Cuppa2sugars · 01/01/2023 08:55

i was left out of a family engagement party. My kids, SIL, my dad all were invited. When i saw the host i asked him if he had a lovely time, of course he said yes. I said i’m looking forward to the wedding 😆

chopc · 01/01/2023 09:40

@Cuppa2sugars did your kids go to it? If so how could they?

HowdyDudey · 01/01/2023 10:18

I’ve just seen the date of the OP. I hope it was all sorted and you are okay.

Bellagi · 01/01/2023 10:19

chopc · 01/01/2023 08:42

@Bellagi so your closer friends in the same group felt the same as you. Did they ask why you were not invited ? How did your close friends support you?

@chopc they hadn't noticed I wasn't on the WhatsApp group so when I said I wasn't invited, they asked the inviter who gave some vague answer about not knowing who was coming. I think I was forgotten and then they were too embarrassed to invite me but could simply be just wasn't invited intentionally. A horrible start to the year.

Mary46 · 01/01/2023 10:32

It is hurtful. I was left out of flights siblings booked theirs. I had to sort some after school before my booking. But I find women can be devious and others go along with it.