Am I being selfish to not lose weight for my husband?

[Boo123456]

My husband keeps saying that 'we' need to lose weight to become attracted to each other again to save our relationship. For the record I have never once said I don't find him attractive. I still do but apparently he doesn't find me attractive enough to initiate sex. He said he can't live in a sexless marriage. I am a UK size 18 and pretty sure plenty of men would have sex with me looking like I do. We have a 4 year old daughter and I do most of the looking after so I don't find it easy to find time to look after myself. Am I being selfish by not losing weight?

Seriously, what? Where do YOU live?

I'm the same age as you and pass people in the street every day who are a size 18 or larger.

I'm not saying it's ideal or healthy, but it's not uncommon.

Makes me wonder if you actually have any idea what a size 18 person looks like.

im talking about the shallowness that mainly does come from men about womens appearance
the fact that womens bodies a far more heavily scrutinised and policed by men than the other way around , they are even heavily scrutinised by women
overwright women are more heavily punished by society than overweight men

teo minutes of research and you’ll come across plenty of articles like this
‘Size Matters: Discrimination Weighs More Heavily on Women
thqt talk about more discrimination for women in the workplace , dating and life in general when overweight

This

Tell him to jog on if that’s all that your marriage means to him.

So if DH was getting so big that I was no longer attracted to him and his weight gain was affecting our lifestyle - people are really saying the reasonable action here would be to simply walk out and get a divorce?

If he’s happy with his weight and your not … that’s right

nobidy has the right to try and control another person or how much they weigh . You can say how you feel but it’s his choice and ultimately youre no longer compatible if your attraction to hun can be completely destroyed by a changing body
everyone’s body changes ultimately so if a person feels that way over weight they will likely feel that way when their partners body ages and wrinkles !

I think I've come across a size 18 person about five times in my life and I'm late 40s. This is scary stuff!!

whatever. It’s a totally ordinary size and most high street shops stock it. It’s the lower end of what is considered plus size. It’s not skinny but size 18s are nowhere near “my 600 lb life” or whatever you think. You will know/have come across loads.

The OP's DH did say how he feels.
The OP can choose whether to act upon what her DH said to her, and from what I can gather the OP does see her DH's POV regarding her weight.

Here are two famous women who are probably around a size 18.

Here are two famous women who are probably around a size 18.

...and?

From what I gather the OP doesn’t want to lose the weight and feelings happy
I never said the OPs husband did t say how he felt . i said that’s ALL he had the right to do ! State it and then it’s her choice . .
i said that once the partner who had the problem states their feelings they have no right to try and force the other to lose weight . If the other partner is happy with their weight they can either accept that or leave
if their attraction to their partner is solely dependent on how their body looks say then I believe it’s going to also be an issue when they age anyway. Everyone’s body changes … eventually .

@TheOrigRights

im just wondering why you felt the need to shout at me that the ops husband DID state how he felt when I said nothing at all about him not having stated it
my point was that he has no rights beyond expressing his feelings . He cannot force or pressure her to lose weight
did you read what I wrote ? Can you explain why yoh shouted he DID tell her when I said nothing about him not having said it ?

I didn't shout - the bold is an emphasis not shouting.

A pp said that she thought a size 18 was so outsize and extreme that she’d only come across a small handful of women who were that size in her life. I was just showing her that it’s a pretty ordinary size.

He's not forcing her. The op herself has said she doesn't have time to look after herself, which to me indicates she is aware that she needs to lose weight ("look after myself" was said in the context of her post about weight hence my supposition)

Ok so yoh we’re emphasising something to me ( her husband not stating it ) that I made no mention of…. confusing but ok

Whatever she wants to call it is HER business ( note the emphasis )
and once again where did I say anything about hun forcing her ???
for the love of everything good please actually read what I write before responding
I said no one has the right to force anyone to lose weight
they can say how they feel and then it’s up to the other person
if they do not like that persons choucr they make the choice to stay or go
please show me where I said one word about her husband !

@TheOrigRights
man overweight person can say they have no time
they can say it’s hard
they can say they don’t want to lose weight
they can say the fairies told them to stay overweight
they can say fuck off it’s nine of your business
they can say what they like
it’s their body !
it is their choice ! A partner can express a preference but beyond that they can do nothing

Note that I didn’t say anywhere that the OPs husband is forcing her only that he can’t force her

Errr OK.
I hold my hands up, I am not giving this thread as much thorough thought as I would say my job, just contributing to the discussion.

OP has long gone so we'll never really know the dynamics of their relationship.

Rebel Wilson (pre-weight loss) was quite a bit bigger than a UK 18. Ashley Graham is a US 16, which is closer to a UK 20.

UK 18 isn't as big as you may think, especially if someone is tall.

The post I quoted said that DH should simply 'jog on' - so instead of even suggesting that they both try to be a bit healthier. Yes I would personally find it a bit drastic to file for a divorce without expressing what I'm unhappy with first.

100% I was a UK 18/20 and as I am tall people were always surprised I wore that size. I'm now down to a 16 post partum and 12kg lighter and need to loose 9kg to get to my ideal BMI.

They arnt married to the op husband though are they He is saying he doesn't find it attractive. Lots of others would. I can't see the relevance

They have been socialize to do so since birth.
Very few women brake free from it, it’s a hard thing to do, better just to behave as ’supposed to’.

@Topgub again, jumping to random conclusions

Where did anyone say or imply a shit husband gets a free pass because his wife is fat ???

I don't know where you managed to pull that out of

Nobody I have seen, and I've been keeping up with the thread has implied that

We have no idea what OP husband is like other than a tiny bit of info which isn't enough to decide if someone is a waste of space husband of not