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Original poster

Am I being selfish to not lose weight for my husband?

683 replies

Boo123456 · 12/06/2022 19:42

My husband keeps saying that 'we' need to lose weight to become attracted to each other again to save our relationship. For the record I have never once said I don't find him attractive. I still do but apparently he doesn't find me attractive enough to initiate sex. He said he can't live in a sexless marriage. I am a UK size 18 and pretty sure plenty of men would have sex with me looking like I do. We have a 4 year old daughter and I do most of the looking after so I don't find it easy to find time to look after myself. Am I being selfish by not losing weight?

OP posts:
Adamantspants · 14/06/2022 11:21

Topgub · 14/06/2022 11:20

Fat phobic is being unpleasant about fat people.

You fit the definition.

Because I don't desire them sexually?? Ha ha ok then!

Topgub · 14/06/2022 11:22

@5128gap

The op doesn't sound that fussed

Topgub · 14/06/2022 11:24

@Adamantspants

Yeah, that's not what is coming across from your comments

You speak in tones of disgust

Adamantspants · 14/06/2022 11:25

Topgub · 14/06/2022 11:24

@Adamantspants

Yeah, that's not what is coming across from your comments

You speak in tones of disgust

Why because I said if my DH grew a big fat belly and moobs I would not fancy him? Cop On.

Dinoteeth · 14/06/2022 11:25

Boo12345 is a massive MN user not, unlikely to be back.

Her other post is about IVF egg sharing. Being a size 18, and having a DH who doesn't fancy her is probably not helping her get pregnant either.

5128gap · 14/06/2022 11:38

Topgub · 14/06/2022 11:22

@5128gap

The op doesn't sound that fussed

I sincerely hope she isn't! In which case she should say fair enough and leave him to it. I'm sure she would find it a lot easier to find someone to have sex with than he will.

Stevie6 · 14/06/2022 11:46

I think you'll all find Boo12345 is a journalist called Alice and the article where this thread is used is posted quite a way up thread

Howshouldibehave · 14/06/2022 11:51

Boo12345 is a massive MN user not, unlikely to be back

I don’t understand that sentence. Why are they unlikely to be back if they are a massive MN user?

Dinoteeth · 14/06/2022 11:56

Howshouldibehave · 14/06/2022 11:51

Boo12345 is a massive MN user not, unlikely to be back

I don’t understand that sentence. Why are they unlikely to be back if they are a massive MN user?

Hint of sarcasm hence the - not!

Blossomtoes · 14/06/2022 11:58

Howshouldibehave · 14/06/2022 11:51

Boo12345 is a massive MN user not, unlikely to be back

I don’t understand that sentence. Why are they unlikely to be back if they are a massive MN user?

Your irony detector is broken.

Topgub · 14/06/2022 12:05

@Stevie6

That's hilarious

Stevie6 · 14/06/2022 12:07

From what I can see the majority of the "articles" are all lifted off here and similar sites, journalism at its finest 😂

knitnerd90 · 14/06/2022 13:38

Newsweek used to be a real American news site, but now they seem to spend half their time posting about viral internet threads. The article author isn't the OP.

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:02

I'm still not sure why having a 4 year old (even if you are doing all the childcare and household and working) means you can't lose weight

A perfect example of what i said earlier and why im child free by choice.

Hey women knock out a kid to help complement your husbands portfolio (which must be the reason he wants a kid if hes doing no childcare) and dont forget to maintain your weight and your looks to keep this precious life of drudgery.

nope not for me. i decided long ago that for my physical and mental health it was better i didnt have kids because society expects too much of women already. Being expected to look and be a certain way is hard work without bringing kids into it. And there was no way i was going to work full time AND have a kid i was expected to do all the grunt work for. AND be admonished if i happened to go up a dress size. FUCK THAT. And now after the Brexit exodus they have realised there arent enough ppl to fill the jobs Awww Shame eh! I did have the stats somewhere for women over 45 who chose not to have kids. It was even higher than i thought.

RhiRhi1996 · 14/06/2022 14:06

@mmmmmmghturep Nobody is saying any woman HAS to lose weight but don't sit and say you can't lose weight cos you have a 4 year old.

All that is needed for weight loss is a calorie deficit, cut food basically, so that can be done on even the most busiest schedules. You don't even have to exercise if you don't want too.

Also we are hardly on about women who increase 1 dress size , I doubt many men would stop being attracted to their partners cos of 1 measly dress size.

NotKevinTurvey · 14/06/2022 14:15

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:02

I'm still not sure why having a 4 year old (even if you are doing all the childcare and household and working) means you can't lose weight

A perfect example of what i said earlier and why im child free by choice.

Hey women knock out a kid to help complement your husbands portfolio (which must be the reason he wants a kid if hes doing no childcare) and dont forget to maintain your weight and your looks to keep this precious life of drudgery.

nope not for me. i decided long ago that for my physical and mental health it was better i didnt have kids because society expects too much of women already. Being expected to look and be a certain way is hard work without bringing kids into it. And there was no way i was going to work full time AND have a kid i was expected to do all the grunt work for. AND be admonished if i happened to go up a dress size. FUCK THAT. And now after the Brexit exodus they have realised there arent enough ppl to fill the jobs Awww Shame eh! I did have the stats somewhere for women over 45 who chose not to have kids. It was even higher than i thought.

It doesn’t seem to have done what you hoped for your mental health.

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:25

A Cautionary Tale.

Once upon a time a woman in a sexless marriage went to Slimming World and lost ten stone.

It made no difference at home. But after starting a new job said woman began an affair with someone she met at work Affair lasted four and a half years.

During this time the DH had a heart attack. Which the ED was probably an early sign of, nothing to do with weight.

The DH becomes disabled.

Thirteen and a half years later post pandemic the woman has a complete breakdown feels suicidal, and writes to her ex OM who is still single In this time the woman has gained weight. But the minute she walks back into his arms she sees it makes no difference Makes no difference to him at all. He has also gained a bit of weight. The love the attraction the sexual chemistry is still there and still very strong. He still has photos of her up. She finds that walking into his flat in 2021 was like walking back into 2005.

Why is this a cautionary tale? Because dont assume its the OPs DH who will attract someone else. It could well be the OP who does so.

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:30

Yeah @NotKevinTurvey my mental health is shot to pieces from spending time choosing a new lipstick or having a beauty treatment rather than changing shitty nappies while worrying about not going over a size 12.

Alltheleavesaregreen1 · 14/06/2022 14:37

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:25

A Cautionary Tale.

Once upon a time a woman in a sexless marriage went to Slimming World and lost ten stone.

It made no difference at home. But after starting a new job said woman began an affair with someone she met at work Affair lasted four and a half years.

During this time the DH had a heart attack. Which the ED was probably an early sign of, nothing to do with weight.

The DH becomes disabled.

Thirteen and a half years later post pandemic the woman has a complete breakdown feels suicidal, and writes to her ex OM who is still single In this time the woman has gained weight. But the minute she walks back into his arms she sees it makes no difference Makes no difference to him at all. He has also gained a bit of weight. The love the attraction the sexual chemistry is still there and still very strong. He still has photos of her up. She finds that walking into his flat in 2021 was like walking back into 2005.

Why is this a cautionary tale? Because dont assume its the OPs DH who will attract someone else. It could well be the OP who does so.

Did you used to post under a different name? It’s just I remember a poster who was in a sexless marriage and had also lost loads of weight but it might be someone else. Anyway, if it was you, good for you getting back with your guy - sounds like he loves you for who you are. I totally agree that if someone really loves you they won’t care that much about going up a few sizes (yes, even up to a size 18). And if they do care, they will care about stuff that’s “not your fault” too, eg lines, wrinkles, grey hairs.

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 14:41

@Alltheleavesaregreen1 🙂

Dancingboots · 14/06/2022 22:16

Adamantspants · 14/06/2022 09:57

Not nasty to not be able to get a horn because fat turns you off. How the hell is that anyone's fucking fault???

Show quote history

So how about when a man can’t get a ‘horn’ because his wife had a mastectomy , a car accident or simply gets older ? Not shallow?
after all by your logic he can’t help that either !
the point is whether he can ‘help ‘ it or not it’s a direct result of his shallowness and belief that woman should look a particular way . He clearly has an inability to be attracted to his partner on deeper level based on things beyond appearance which is a grotty trait

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 22:34

@Dancingboots Ive been on MN for eleven years and some threads have stuck in my mind. Including one posted by a woman whose "D" H insisted she wore a baby doll nightie because he was turned off by her mastectomy scar.

Dancingboots · 14/06/2022 22:52

mmmmmmghturep · 14/06/2022 22:34

@Dancingboots Ive been on MN for eleven years and some threads have stuck in my mind. Including one posted by a woman whose "D" H insisted she wore a baby doll nightie because he was turned off by her mastectomy scar.

Yes that’s incredibly sad . But of course you’ll still get mysogynist ranting ‘ poor menz can’t help what they are attracted to ‘
More like …. They need to learn to value women based on a whole lot more than how their bodies look
For a whole lot of men how a woman looks is way more important than their mind , personality or any shared life they have …. I

GreyCarpet · 14/06/2022 23:28

Dancingboots · 14/06/2022 22:52

Yes that’s incredibly sad . But of course you’ll still get mysogynist ranting ‘ poor menz can’t help what they are attracted to ‘
More like …. They need to learn to value women based on a whole lot more than how their bodies look
For a whole lot of men how a woman looks is way more important than their mind , personality or any shared life they have …. I

Show quote history

It's not just men though.

I tried dating someone I absolutely adored as a friend. We got on brilliantly and his personality was amazing but, when he got undressed, I just wasn't attracted to him at all.

That's not because I'm shallow but because he just didn't do it for me regardless of how well we got on.