Am I being selfish to not lose weight for my husband?

[Boo123456]

My husband keeps saying that 'we' need to lose weight to become attracted to each other again to save our relationship. For the record I have never once said I don't find him attractive. I still do but apparently he doesn't find me attractive enough to initiate sex. He said he can't live in a sexless marriage. I am a UK size 18 and pretty sure plenty of men would have sex with me looking like I do. We have a 4 year old daughter and I do most of the looking after so I don't find it easy to find time to look after myself. Am I being selfish by not losing weight?

[TwoPaws]

This is one of the more bizarre threads I’ve seen on MN. Reminds me of those online dating profiles where men say “I like to take good care of myself physically and expect my partner to do the same”. Of course, Ken.

[blackgreywhite]

They only thing I've taken from this thread is that @1Lov missed school the day they were teaching paragraphs...

[KatherineJaneway]

Why are people still replying to this thread? OP is clearly a 'plopper', write a goady post and see how many replied they can get.

[Alltheleavesaregreen1]

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup

Why do men always threat women with the alone/single with cats/dogs?

Honestly, the way majority of men are, being single with lovely pets is a win!

I know right? If it was a choice between having a cute fluffy cat, a gorgeous dog, a nice home and independence OR sharing my life with some semi-literate idiot who uses terms like “my queen”, I know 100% what I would choose every day of the week.

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

Why do men always threat women with the alone/single with cats/dogs?

Honestly, the way majority of men are, being single with lovely pets is a win!

[NippyWoowoo]

@1Lov

I'm with your husband with this one. I asked my wife what attracted me to her she said I liked the way you looked sexy in your clothes and my positive mindset. You see the visual attraction works both ways I keep my self in good shape for me but also for my Queen I no that she doesn't find fat guys attractive and the feeling is replicate by me towards large women. Some men do find the large women attractive but you ask 100 men would you prefer to marry a slim woman are a large one I think less than 10 will in your favour. I was speaking to a body positive spoke person the other and asked her why she had gone down two dress sizes in weight and she couldn't give me a constructive answer, it's clear even her was finding hard to find a partner to except her weight. You have women telling leave your husband and that he she love you a you are, but doesn't love you and suggest a way for both of you become even more attracted to each other. Women have left a good man thinking it's greener on the other side only to find it isn't. I've seen large women say the want a 6ft guy guy athletic build and must earn a certain amount but yet they are nowhere in good shape themselves. You asked for what you want but will you receive it highly unlikely if you not prepared to put the work in. Has men we no that if we don't put the work in women won't be attracted to us women have to do the same not just get over weight and say take me as I am or move on or you could end up in you old age with cats and dogs as company.

😳

[1Lov]

@Boo123456

My husband keeps saying that 'we' need to lose weight to become attracted to each other again to save our relationship. For the record I have never once said I don't find him attractive. I still do but apparently he doesn't find me attractive enough to initiate sex. He said he can't live in a sexless marriage. I am a UK size 18 and pretty sure plenty of men would have sex with me looking like I do. We have a 4 year old daughter and I do most of the looking after so I don't find it easy to find time to look after myself. Am I being selfish by not losing weight?

I'm with your husband with this one. I asked my wife what attracted me to her she said I liked the way you looked sexy in your clothes and my positive mindset. You see the visual attraction works both ways I keep my self in good shape for me but also for my Queen I no that she doesn't find fat guys attractive and the feeling is replicate by me towards large women. Some men do find the large women attractive but you ask 100 men would you prefer to marry a slim woman are a large one I think less than 10 will in your favour. I was speaking to a body positive spoke person the other and asked her why she had gone down two dress sizes in weight and she couldn't give me a constructive answer, it's clear even her was finding hard to find a partner to except her weight. You have women telling leave your husband and that he she love you a you are, but doesn't love you and suggest a way for both of you become even more attracted to each other. Women have left a good man thinking it's greener on the other side only to find it isn't. I've seen large women say the want a 6ft guy guy athletic build and must earn a certain amount but yet they are nowhere in good shape themselves. You asked for what you want but will you receive it highly unlikely if you not prepared to put the work in. Has men we no that if we don't put the work in women won't be attracted to us women have to do the same not just get over weight and say take me as I am or move on or you could end up in you old age with cats and dogs as company.

[Redruby2020]

@Smile12345 Wow, so all those slim glamorous girls who look immaculate, just had another reason for being cheated on then lol, omg.

[altmember]

@MNuser17647

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4577974-overweight-husband?page=1

As per usual, different responses to the same problem depending on whether it is a man or a woman who has gained weight…

There's a mix of answers on both threads. You can spin it whichever way you like. 🙄

Reality is that everyone changes - everyone ages and they'll never be the same physically in 20/30 years time, especially after child birth. So you've got to accept that to some extent, and whilst physical attraction is an essential part of the package in a healthy relationship, the likelihood is that the vast majority of us will look worse as time passes.

So it's fair to say that if you love someone, you'll accept their body changes as you age together. But weight is one of the things you can do something about, so it's also reasonable to expect that you'll both stay on more or less the same page with your bodyweights.

I dated someone on the large side (well, chronically obese really), and whilst I could tolerate the way they looked, the disparity between our lifestyles was a deal breaker. I'm quite an active person, but they couldn't walk upstairs without a struggle. To me, that was far more significant than the visual aspect of being overweight.

[doadeer]

@MNuser17647

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4577974-overweight-husband?page=1

As per usual, different responses to the same problem depending on whether it is a man or a woman who has gained weight…

Yes I thought that too

[YouAreNotBatman]

*woman

[YouAreNotBatman]

As per usual, different responses to the same problem depending on whether it is a man or a woman who has gained weight…

I agree!
Eoman must lose weight.
Man can be as fat as he can and woman is shallow if no longer attarcted to him.

[MNuser17647]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4577974-overweight-husband?page=1

As per usual, different responses to the same problem depending on whether it is a man or a woman who has gained weight…

[Blossomtoes]

@Smile12345

Wow at first I didn't realize this thread was 6 months old because I live in the U. S. A. and you @Boo123456 just made big Google/Newsweek news here 6 months later! Check it out! And since it's 6 months later are u divorced or did you lose weight?

It’s not six months old. It’s eight days old. We write dates dd/mm in the UK.

[Smile12345]

Wow at first I didn't realize this thread was 6 months old because I live in the U. S. A. and you @Boo123456 just made big Google/Newsweek news here 6 months later! Check it out! And since it's 6 months later are u divorced or did you lose weight?

[Bunnyfuller]

Lose weight for your heart, to avoid diabetes and to get into a healthy lifestyle for your daughter

He’s worded it terribly but he’s not wrong.

[mmmmmmghturep]

A teen who has been watching too much porn on his smartphone.

[Alltheleavesaregreen1]

@Smile12345

Boo 12345 if u lost interest in your husband because he got fat What would you do? Tell him, cheat on him, or divorce him? In marriage most people are physically and mentally attractive to their spouse. And just because you are a homemaker you should still take care of your physical appearance. I mean if your husband is at the office all day with his hot secretary and then he comes home to his wife who hasn't even brushed her hair, or even tried to look good for him, he's probably going to bang the secretary. Just because people get married does not mean that their sex drive goes down or that they stop having sex any less. IF anything they should be having sex more. I used to be a size 18/20 and now I lost weight and I'm about a 9. Not only do I have more confidence in myself, I can breathe better, I get around better, and I know I look hot. I'm a M.I.L.F. I doesn't every wife want to be the MILF? So the real question is not if you're being selfish; It is do you want your husband to stay married to you and not cheat on you?

Have your GCSE exams finished now then? I know these long days can be boring but stick with it. Trolling the internet is one activity but there is also other stuff you can do.

[Smile12345]

Boo 12345 if u lost interest in your husband because he got fat What would you do? Tell him, cheat on him, or divorce him? In marriage most people are physically and mentally attractive to their spouse. And just because you are a homemaker you should still take care of your physical appearance. I mean if your husband is at the office all day with his hot secretary and then he comes home to his wife who hasn't even brushed her hair, or even tried to look good for him, he's probably going to bang the secretary. Just because people get married does not mean that their sex drive goes down or that they stop having sex any less. IF anything they should be having sex more. I used to be a size 18/20 and now I lost weight and I'm about a 9. Not only do I have more confidence in myself, I can breathe better, I get around better, and I know I look hot. I'm a M.I.L.F. I doesn't every wife want to be the MILF? So the real question is not if you're being selfish; It is do you want your husband to stay married to you and not cheat on you?

[KatherineJaneway]

I can't believe this thread is still going.

Me either. OP just being goady I expect. No other reason not to reply given so many answers.

[Dinoteeth]

@Kertrats I can't believe it's still going either. Esp since the Op seems to have dropped the question and sat back to watching what other people opinions actually are.

[Kertrats]

I can't believe this thread is still going. It's quite simple: he has his eye on another woman and is nit picking at the opening poster to feel better at his intent to cheat.
Men will pretty much shag any woman who'll have them. Of course they have preferences but any port in a storm and all that.
That's just a fact. And please as this is very much a site consisting of women please don't get offended on the behalf of men.
There are of course other (valid) reasons why she should lose weight but this guy suddenly getting picky isn't one of them.

[Dancingboots]

@TheRAW

I don't think u r being unreasonable although I can plainly see hubby's point of view. He is (and wants to be) lusting after you. For us men, physical appearance is a big deal.

That said, weight is not everything. I once had a girlfriend who was voluptuous and very sexy. Long after we broke up and she married someone else, she lost a lot of weight. Last I saw her, she felt good, had more energy, but lost all of her sex appeal (saggy skin, prominent wrinkles, shriveled bosom, no more curves, and no butt).

My point is a spouse needs to recognize the fact as you both get older, you lose that youthful appearance.

Oh wow , the way you talk about womens appearance is not objectifying at all…
how’s your youthful appearance going by the way Still have a full head of hair ? Do you have a muscular and taut body of a twenty five year old
hope your holding onto that tight, with the way you judge women

[MumbleAlwaysMumble]

@Savemysoul21

Absolutely. Your lack of willingness to give everything you can to your relationship is telling. You can’t blame your husband for wanting to spice up the bedroom, especially after a child. Just think with a level head - along with the bonus of becoming a yummy mummy you could improve your health and years spent on this earth. What a blessing.

Yes I agree.
You can’t blame a husband for wanting to spice things up esp after a child.

Thats why as a husband they will be aware that growing a child inside yiu is hard, that getting up through the night every night is hard, that carrying all the mental load is hard etc etc etc
So they will be spicing things up by taking in a REAL half of the responsibility in the house. So that their partner can have time for themselves and feel human again. So that they can go out and exercise if they want to. Or just rest if that’s what they need.

Because it’s absolutely amazing what sharing the load can do in the bedroom department! Having a partner that isn’t half as tired as before is often what makes all the difference :) :) As I’m sure all the men in this thread have realised too.

[Blossomtoes]

What a blessing? I think the 1950s want you back.