So my DP just did this…

[WildflowerWildfire]

Laid in bed this morning with DP and I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing, when he decided to pull my knickers down and push his penis towards me (attempting anal). I pulled them up and asked what he was doing - he said he was trying to woo me

We have had anal sex before, a long time ago. But this is unacceptable isn’t it?

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@BuddhaForMary You are very, very deeply misinformed. The anus does not provide 'lubrication'.
Please ask your GP to explain it to you.[/quote]
Did you miss the part where I said I work with transgender people. I speak to them about the types of vaginoplasty available day in day out. It absolutely is self lubricating, meaning if a trans woman has lower colon vaginoplasty she won't need to use lubrication when having vaginal penatrative sex.

If back stroking and spooning is your idea of foreplay, I feel sorry for you.

He's a pig, no lube or anything ? I'm pretty sure that would be painful for you, no regard for your safety.

@Rantypanties

I’m so glad all these posters coming on this thread, totally missing the point, and telling us all about how they manage dry anal…..slow hand clap…..

Who is having dry anal sex? I've not seen anyone say that

www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/ask-experts/me-and-my-girlfriend-are-going-to-going-to-try-having-anal-sex-for-the-first-time-and-she-is-not-very-convinced-about-how-safe-is-anal-sex-can-pregnancy-be-achieved-by-anal-sex-what-are-the-con#:~:text=The%20anus%20does%20not%20produce,or%20Astroglide%20%E2%80%94%20for%20anal%20sex.

*IE #1: THE ANUS SELF-LUBRICATES
The tendency of pornography to go straight from chatting to nuts-to-the-buttocks anal sex has led an alarming amount of people to assume that that is simply how it works. It’s the magic of Hollywood — cutting the scene where the pirate and the cheerleader have a conversation about consent, boundaries and their specific desires while applying large amounts of lubricant and starting off slowly.

“As the result of a lack of sexual health education that specifically includes medically accurate, evidence-based information about anal sexual behaviors, many people are unaware of the increased risk of sexually transmitted infections and local trauma, such as tearing and pain,” says Kimberly R. McBride of the University of Toledo, who has written extensively on the subject. “This lack of education may result in a failure to take adequate precautions that minimize the likelihood of harm during anal sex. For example, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate in the same way that the vagina does and the anal tissue is more fragile than the tissue in the vagina. As such, anal tissue is more prone to damage if commercial sexual lubricant isn’t used.”* melmagazine.com/en-us/story/five-lies-youve-been-told-about-your-butthole

and

*FAST FACTS

Many people enjoy anal sex – straight, gay and bisexual.
Having unprotected anal sex puts you at higher risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than other sex acts. Using a condom correctly protects you and your partner.
The anus is not self-lubricating, so you need to use lots of lubricant. Only use water-based lubricants that are specially designed for sex, oil-based lubricants can cause condoms to break.*
www.avert.org/sex-stis/how-to-have-sex/anal-sex

@Lemonata

Sorry but all the comments have got me feeling like I’m missing something so I have to ask😅

Everyone who’s saying that you need to use lube to have anal, you mean just lubrication in general right and not the actual product? I tried lube once and it felt disgusting😂 So now we just have a little bit of vaginal sex first, I assume that’s pretty normal?

I wouldn’t have an issue if my DP had tried this, as I’d see it as he was just hoping to initiate sex and stopped when I said no. BUT I trust him and we’re really sexually comfortable with each other. If it was a new-ish partner or one I didn’t feel fully comfortable and connected with then it would be completely different. You’re fully entitled to not be okay with it OP.

yes, lube as in ky jelly, ect theres different brands and types. its the same for using different butt plugs, they have to be lubed first so they slide in easily.

@BuddhaForMary *Things to consider
We’ll get to anal sex safety precautions in a minute. First, here’s what you need to know beforehand:

1. Unlike the vagina, the anus lacks lubrication

The vagina is a wondrous thing that often lubricates itself when aroused in preparation for sex. The anus — wondrous in its own right — does not self-lubricate. No worries, though, because you can buy lube. All kinds of it!

Lube is a safety and pleasure must-have for anal play. It helps make penetration easier and reduces the risk of skin tears, in turn lowering the risk of infection.

When choosing lube for anal, silicone lube’s thicker consistency is preferred, but water-based lubes — or a hybrid of both — work, too. Both are also safe to use with latex condoms and barriers.

The downside to silicone-containing lubes is that they can degrade silicone toys, so keep that in mind when choosing.

Oil lubes, while great for anal, aren’t safe for use with condoms.

Use lots of lube and reapply often!*
www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/anal-sex-safety#considerations

@billy1966

Another thread where the OP plainly states there was NO CONSENT and others are being told they are wrong to call it assault or rape.

Our of basic respect for the OP, and the sensitivity of the subject, could people read the OP's posts before they post.

She has stated several times that he attempted to have Anal sex WITHOUT CONSENT.

This is sexual assault.

Well said.

I also fail to see how posters arguing about lubrication remotely helps the OP.

@BuddhaForMary Did you miss the part where I said I work with transgender people. I speak to them about the types of vaginoplasty available day in day out. It absolutely is self lubricating, meaning if a trans woman has lower colon vaginoplasty she won't need to use lubrication when having vaginal penatrative sex.

I don't know how else to say this, but you've been misled. The anus does not provide lubrication. Neither does the lower colon. In a Vaginoplasty or not. You truly are embarrassing yourself here if you actually genuinely believe that a colon is 'self lubricating'. You simply cannot be serious.

Yes the problem with the DP's behaviour was his approach to lube.

*You don't think this assault?

There was absolutely no foreplay involved. I had my back to him, and he was stroking it. Then his hands went lower, pulled down my knickers and pushed his penis as far as he could before I stopped him and pulled them back up.

He pushed his penis into her anus, without any warning or lube, "as far as he could" and you don't think that's assault?*

Nope, in my relationship this would not be assault, this would be him trying it on.

It’s not missing the point it’s adding to the post actually

No. It's not.

I've been guilty of focusing on the 'dry' aspect of things, because in my case it was because I think it's indicative of OP's husband not caring that she would at best be in pain and at worst be injured.

He placed his desire for pleasure above her pain. And I don't know any decent men who would want their partner to be in pain.

But I agree the discussion about lube in general is derailing the thread now.

@HailAdrian

*You don't think this assault?

There was absolutely no foreplay involved. I had my back to him, and he was stroking it. Then his hands went lower, pulled down my knickers and pushed his penis as far as he could before I stopped him and pulled them back up.

He pushed his penis into her anus, without any warning or lube, "as far as he could" and you don't think that's assault?*

Nope, in my relationship this would not be assault, this would be him trying it on.

He pushed his penis into her anus, without any warning or lube, "as far as he could" and you don't think that's assault?

If you wouldn't feel this is assault, as you say, then that's a very unusual approach to consent.

And while it may be true of your own situation, I'm baffled as to why you think that is any reason to say women who have explained how upsetting this would be for them are overreacting by saying they feel it would be assault if done to them.

Some seriously worrying responses on this thread...

For me the main issues are:

• The OP was not fully awake
• Her husband attempted a sexual act which is not a usual part of their love-making without discussing it first and he did not consider for one second that trying to have anal sex with someone who is not sufficiently prepared would cause her pain (preparation should involve lube, making sure the person is relaxed first by using your fingers, not to mention giving consideration to sorting out the cleanliness aspect first to avoid issues...)

Now, if you think the above is acceptable you need to have a serious look at your values and standards.

OP I personally would have a huge issue if someone behaved like this with me and I would be gone. Because he is either really stupid or has no consideration for you and neither option are what I would want in a partner.

transcare.ucsf.edu/guidelines/vaginoplasty

Nope, in my relationship this would not be assault, this would be him trying it on.

Well that's very sad that you accept what is defined as assault to be ok when done to you, and the law thankfully disagrees with you.

Perhaps you could refrain from telling other people in distress that they should lower their standards to match yours? It's neither the time nor the place.

"Anal lube - best lubricants for anal sex
When it comes to any kind of anal play, you absolutely must use lubricant."
"Anal lube - why use it?
Dr Elizabeth Daprè, an academic GP trainee explains, 'When planning penetrative anal play always make sure to use a lot of lubricant. The anus and rectum do not self-lubricate as the vagina does, and without the liberal use of lubricant the delicate rectal tissue is at risk of damage.

'This can lead to painful tears called anal fissures, or damage to the anal sphincter (the tight ring of muscle surrounding the anus) leading to faecal incontinence,' Daprè adds."
www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/sex-life/a27497631/anal-lube/

I cannot believe there is actually a poster/s on here who are that clueless about their anatomy and the human body that they actually think your rectum produces self-lubrication. Wtf?

Migrainesbythedozen

I have had anal sex plenty of times without lube. Some folk need lube, others dont, not sure why you insist in thinking it is impossible when you have people here claiming otherwise. Why would they lie?

@holierthan

As many of you have come to the conclusion this is a sexual assault, what do you suggest the OP now does? go to the police and get her DP arrested? LTB?

LTB. How could the OP ever trust him again.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Migrainesbythedozen

I have had anal sex plenty of times without lube. Some folk need lube, others dont, not sure why you insist in thinking it is impossible when you have people here claiming otherwise. Why would they lie?

Read the links. The rectum does not produce lube. And not using lube damages the rectal lining.