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Original poster

So my DP just did this…

322 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 13/02/2022 09:34

Laid in bed this morning with DP and I was still sleepy, whereas he was wide awake. We were spooning and he was stroking my back. I wasn’t fully asleep but I was very much dozing, when he decided to pull my knickers down and push his penis towards me (attempting anal). I pulled them up and asked what he was doing - he said he was trying to woo me Hmm

We have had anal sex before, a long time ago. But this is unacceptable isn’t it?

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 14:37

@FawnFrenchieMum

I agree with quite few of the other posters that this isn’t rape or sexual assault, the DP stopped when she said stop that’s the really key point in this.

I mean this maybe TMI, but spooning and cuddling occasionally leads to any erection being pushed into between my bum checks, he’s not actually attempting to fully annually penetrate me. Just feels nice for both of us. OPs image makes me think of more this then he was actually trying for full on anal without lube.

I also can’t imagine having to verbally ask each time one of us initiates sex. I’d probably say no 99% of the time through exhaustion but when he strokes my back it almost always turns me on.

How is what you describe remotely comparable to this:

There was absolutely no foreplay involved. I had my back to him, and he was stroking it. Then his hands went lower, pulled down my knickers and pushed his penis as far as he could before I stopped him and pulled them back up

This is particularly awful when she's been a victim of sexual assault previously, which her partner knows.

Her situation (even without her being a previous victim) is nothing like what you describe.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 14:39

@HailAdrian

This is not assault and to suggest it is, makes a mockery of actual sexual assault. None of us know what your relationship is like generally but lots of couples are happy for stroking and spooning to lead to sex.
You don't think this assault?

There was absolutely no foreplay involved. I had my back to him, and he was stroking it. Then his hands went lower, pulled down my knickers and pushed his penis as far as he could before I stopped him and pulled them back up.

He pushed his penis into her anus, without any warning or lube, "as far as he could" and you don't think that's assault?

billy1966 · 13/02/2022 14:39

Another thread where the OP plainly states there was NO CONSENT and others are being told they are wrong to call it assault or rape.

Our of basic respect for the OP, and the sensitivity of the subject, could people read the OP's posts before they post.

She has stated several times that he attempted to have Anal sex WITHOUT CONSENT.

This is sexual assault.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:40

@thefamous5 Sorry I don't buy that. The anus doesn't stretch like the vagina. To put anything up there hurts. This is taken as read by everyone. Unless your anus is unusually large and wide, you NEED lube. Everyone knows this. A penis cannot fit up there without lube and trying to do so damages the lining of the anal wall and tears it. There is no natural self lubrication in the anus, unlike the vagina. You cannot put anything up there without lube. All women (and gay men especially) know this.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:42

Or, the penis is the width of a pencil. Even then, it would be uncomfortable.

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:43

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@thefamous5 Sorry I don't buy that. The anus doesn't stretch like the vagina. To put anything up there hurts. This is taken as read by everyone. Unless your anus is unusually large and wide, you NEED lube. Everyone knows this. A penis cannot fit up there without lube and trying to do so damages the lining of the anal wall and tears it. There is no natural self lubrication in the anus, unlike the vagina. You cannot put anything up there without lube. All women (and gay men especially) know this.[/quote]
So, you're telling me I am a liar? Ok.

I have never used lube and as far as I am aware, my arsehole is a perfectly normal size.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:43

Even gay men always use lube, and they have anal sex much much more frequently than heteros.

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:45

@Migrainesbythedozen

Even gay men always use lube, and they have anal sex much much more frequently than heteros.
And no, my husbands penis is not pencil. And, how often do you know I have anal? Are you in my house monitoring?

My husband makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:45

@thefamous5 Well something doesn't add up because a penis doesn't fit up there without lube. Unless it's as thin as a pencil or the anus is massively over-stretched.

Even GAY MEN have to use lube, for goodness sake.

It's just not possible unless there is something anatomically wrong with you/him.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:46

My husband makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything.

So you do use lube then.

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:47

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@thefamous5 Well something doesn't add up because a penis doesn't fit up there without lube. Unless it's as thin as a pencil or the anus is massively over-stretched.

Even GAY MEN have to use lube, for goodness sake.

It's just not possible unless there is something anatomically wrong with you/him.[/quote]
Well, clearly it is possible because I did it last night with my husbands normal
Sized penis and my normal sized arsehole with no lube in sight.

WonderfulYou · 13/02/2022 14:47

Ask him if it was the other way around and you had a strap on dildo on, how would he feel?

This is a position I regularly have sex in so it’s easy for me to see how it could lead to sex. But it’s disgusting that you showed no sign of wanting sex and he thought that it was acceptable to just put it in you. It would be bad enough if it was in your vagina but in your anus is even worse.

I wouldn’t say it’s SA or rape but it’s definitely nearing that line and way too close for me to want to touch him for a long time.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 14:47

@millymae

I’m with Fawn Frenchie - the key point is he didn’t carry on when OP made it clear she wasn’t interested, I would think an awful lot of men in the same situation lying close to their partner might think sex could be on the cards especially as no indication to the contrary appeared to have been given up until the point he tried. Undeniably his attempt to ‘woo’ as he calls it was clumsy and unacceptable but unless he’s repeatedly trying to have sex when OP doesn’t want it and/or OP is looking for an excuse to end the relationship then I think to do so would be a well over the top reaction.
You seem to be missing "the key point" which is that he physically pushed his penis into her her anus, without any warning or lube, "as far as he could" BEFORE giving her any chance to say stop. He didn't give her time to think, to react, anything.

You're telling me that if you woke to your partner physically pushing his dick into your anus, if or he suddenly pushed it in dry when you were expecting vaginal sex (if like OP anal sex wasn't a regular or expected thing between you) while you were fully awake, you wouldn't feel hugely violated just because you hadn't said no - even though he didn't give you a chance to?!

Dry anal, especially without warning or prep, hurts. Ask a gay guy who is a bottom. It hurts. He didn't care that it would hurt her and he also knew it wouldn't be expected as it's not a regular occurrence for them.

He likely did it because she was half asleep and so less likely to have the ability to say no before he put his penis in her anus, as far as he could, without warning or lube.

There was absolutely no foreplay involved. I had my back to him, and he was stroking it. Then his hands went lower, pulled down my knickers and pushed his penis as far as he could before I stopped him and pulled them back up.

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:47

@Migrainesbythedozen

My husband makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything.

So you do use lube then.

No. I use my own body.
Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:49

@thefamous5 The anus is dry. It doesn't 'get wet'.

As I said, it doesn't add up. The anal passage is dry. There is no natural lubrication in the anal passage.

BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 14:49

@Migrainesbythedozen I'm sorry but I have to disagree. It is self lubricating, which is why in some practices a portion of the lower colon is used to create a vagina for trans women. Meaning they will be able to have penetrative sex without need for lube. If that part of the body wasn't self lubricating, passing a stool would be torturous.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 14:50

@thefamous5

My husband makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything.

Well exactly.

Whether using natural lubrication from your vagina or bottled lube, he makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything. Why? Because otherwise it would hurt you. And anyone who has anal sex knows that it would hurt dry.

OP's partner knows that too but he didn't 'make sure everything was nice and wet'. He pushed his penis into her anus without any lube, whether natural lubrication or bottled, not caring that it would hurt her.

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:52

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@thefamous5 The anus is dry. It doesn't 'get wet'.

As I said, it doesn't add up. The anal passage is dry. There is no natural lubrication in the anal passage.[/quote]
Right.

My husband makes sure im turned on before he goes in and row anything. Foreplay makes people wet, if done properly....

You realise the vagina is by the anus, right? Liquids trickle down and make other parts of the body wet?

thefamous5 · 13/02/2022 14:53

[quote youvegottenminuteslynn]@thefamous5

My husband makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything.

Well exactly.

Whether using natural lubrication from your vagina or bottled lube, he makes sure everything is nice and wet before doing anything. Why? Because otherwise it would hurt you. And anyone who has anal sex knows that it would hurt dry.

OP's partner knows that too but he didn't 'make sure everything was nice and wet'. He pushed his penis into her anus without any lube, whether natural lubrication or bottled, not caring that it would hurt her. [/quote]
I'm
Not talking about the OP. I'm talking about the poster who said it was 'impossible' to have anal sex without lube. Lube (which is an artificial product) is not necessary for anal sex

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:53

[quote BuddhaForMary]@Migrainesbythedozen I'm sorry but I have to disagree. It is self lubricating, which is why in some practices a portion of the lower colon is used to create a vagina for trans women. Meaning they will be able to have penetrative sex without need for lube. If that part of the body wasn't self lubricating, passing a stool would be torturous. [/quote]
@BuddhaForMary You are misinformed. Do a basic google search. The anus is NOT self lubricating. It has a mucosal lining, that is used for a trans vagina (which requires artificial lubrication for trans sex), but it does NOT produce lubrication. This is basic biology!

BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 14:54

@Migrainesbythedozen I can send you some links if you like? I also work with transgender people. Thanks. I'm not 'misinformed', you are.

Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:55

The rectum DOES NOT self-lubricate for penetration.
There are other ways you can feel like it might. Your anus does have mucus glands that are MOST OFTEN stimulated to help pass solid waste. This mucus is a bit slippery and slimy.
It’s not made for continuous friction, though, and does not replace lubricant in butt play.
datingkinky.medium.com/today-in-butts-are-rectums-self-lubricating-bcf882ec68d1

BuddhaForMary · 13/02/2022 14:55

There you go.

So my DP just did this…
Migrainesbythedozen · 13/02/2022 14:56

@BuddhaForMary You are very, very deeply misinformed. The anus does not provide 'lubrication'.
Please ask your GP to explain it to you.

Rantypanties · 13/02/2022 14:58

I’m so glad all these posters coming on this thread, totally missing the point, and telling us all about how they manage dry anal…..slow hand clap…..