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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

i don`t think i can take this much longer

812 replies

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 20:56

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

OP posts:

moondog · 27/12/2007 20:58

God,he sounds like an uterly useless prick.
You are better off without him.
How long do you think the 17 year old will hang around?

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 20:59

i think she will be around for a very long time, they look so happy together

OP posts:

HaveYourselfaNortyLittleXmas · 27/12/2007 21:01

I agree with moondog.....at 17 you don't want a bloke who already has another family....and when he crawls back to you....you will have got over him sufficiently to realise he is a prick and better off without him, then he'll be a sad, lonely prick who'll only see his kids at the weekend....if he's lucky......the grass isn't always greener...

RudolphtheDDFREDnosedreindeer · 27/12/2007 21:01

She will get bored soooo quickly. I hope you are strong enough to not want him back if he then comes back with his tail between his legs...

Sorry - not much I can think to say, but anyone selfish enough to do what he's done is not worth having around.

RudolphtheDDFREDnosedreindeer · 27/12/2007 21:01

at 17 yrs old a month long relationship is a LONG time...

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:04

the stupid thing about it i sit here every night wishing he would call or text me, he never does

OP posts:

Gursky · 27/12/2007 21:05

Keep on hanging in there. And don't hate yourself - you did nothing wrong - you stuck with him and had his kids.

If he wants to be with a 17yo he clearly can't cope with an adult woman.

One day at a time.

BooBar · 27/12/2007 21:06

A couple living a few doors down from us have split up. They are both in their 30's with 2 DC's (young) and he has just left her for a 19 yo .

I feel so sorry for her as they now have to sell up as she cant afford to keep the house on, and the kids are so cut up.

What a prick. ditto for your bloke.

allgonebellyup · 27/12/2007 21:06

oh god i really feel for you, i am going through the same thing, except he didnt leave me for her, i told him i wanted a break and he met her in that time..
as the others have said, she is 17 so it may not last very long, but i guess you cannot pin your hopes on this.
Also he is a dick to do this to you, and are you sure you want a man like this??

i know it hurts like hell and you have another baby on the way but you just have to take it a day at a time - this is what they all tell me anyway..

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:11

i really dont know, i met him when i was 14 and i was with him ever since, im 21 now.

I really can`t stop thinking about him and it is eating me up.

It came as a very big suprise as we planned the baby etc and he told me he m,ade a move just before the holiday which is when i concived.

He is so happy, and that hurts like hell, i do think if he came to my door right now i would have him back without a second thought, i know im better off without him, but hes all i`ve ever known

OP posts:

Gursky · 27/12/2007 21:15

You shouldn't feel bad with yourself for still wanting him back - as you say, he is all you have ever known, and this is a total bombshell - it's not like your awareness of it developed gradually. It will take time for you to work it all out.

You are allowed to feel what you feel, and to take as long as it takes.

I know I am not expressing myself very well, but I just want you to stop beating yourself up about not reacting in the 'right' way. You are in a sh*t situation - anything you feel is OK.

Just keep going.

MsHighwater · 27/12/2007 21:15

5 weeks is no time at all to get over the end of a relationship, especially a serious relationship with dc's. It will get better tho' it will probably take a while longer.

You will learn to be without him if that is how it is going to be from now on. That will also take time.

mistletoemiggins · 27/12/2007 21:21

5 weeks is still early - baby steps and yes you will be 2 forward 1 back many a time.

I know its hard, and unfortunately there are lots of us out there, but try to be kind to yourself & concentrate on you & the children. Yuo do need to look after yourself so you can be strong for the children.

hes the loser not you and one day you will look back & maybe even be glad he left

grass isnt always greener remember that....

Janos · 27/12/2007 21:23

A 26 year old..a grown man..one DC and another one on the way? And he takes up with a 17 year old??

There are not words for what I think of a man who would do this. Well there are but I might get banned for using 'em...

I agree with Gursky and MsHighwater...it's no time at all. Don't bet yourslef up for what is a natural reaction. You've done amazingly wellto cope so far MOAP.

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:23

i will have to get used to this as he doesnt want me back and he does tell me hes happy and whats hes been up to even if i dont want to here it.

He questions my life and who im seeing, he also asks if ive been with anyone, which i reply it has nothing to do with you, and he juts says well i would tell you and i have been doing (being the better word) it with her etc etc

I act like this doesn`t bother me but it does

OP posts:

TLV · 27/12/2007 21:23

mom hang in there, I have people telling me it gets easier all the time and it must do at some point, try taking a look at a site called divorceaid its very good if not a little upsetting and whilst you may not be (or you might be) married, it does goes through the emotional process of splitting up

noranora · 27/12/2007 21:23

sorry for you mummyofaprincess.
when i broke up last time i was feeling like you do now, forgetting all he did to me i was so ready to accept him back, and i was sorry why he wasnt calling, at least asking about his dd.
then a friend told me 'its better he is not calling'. these were the key words that helped me. its been a couple of years now and i agree with my friend so much.
x

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:25

tlv i`m not married we was planning on getting married next year as we had been engaged for 4 years

OP posts:

suwoo · 27/12/2007 21:26

My friend is going through exactly the same except she only has 7 weeks to go for her 2nd baby with her DH. The girl he has left her for is 10 years younger than my mate. Why are there so many bastard men around? Thinking of you mummyofaprincess.

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:29

to be honest suwoo i think it would have carried on behing my back, i never check his phone i trusted him 100% its just he put a block on his messages and when he had a text off her he looked shifty and refused to let me see the text off her, all the time with a big smirk on his face.

When he lies about something he smirks which gives it away

OP posts:

Janos · 27/12/2007 21:38

It is none of his damn business what you do. And of course it bother you, I bet that's why he's doing it, the creep. When he starts on that bullshit why not tell him you don't want to hear it and walk away, if you have to.

And how dare he bloody prattle on about how happy he is? Doesn't he have any decency at all?

This must be v difficult for you MOAP. I reckon you are a lot stronger than you think, dealing with this.

Original poster

mummyofaprincess · 27/12/2007 21:45

i really wish i could just run away, but i can`t

When i found them pictures earlier online, DD said daddy and mummy, that hurt so much, i didn`t know she was looking, she was far away when she saw them, she must have just thought they was of us

OP posts:

Yeyeayo · 27/12/2007 21:47

Damn girl - I really feel for you. You sound a bit shell-shocked and I can't blame you. You also don't sound angry yet - maybe that will come. If it does, try not to let you eat you up. He sounds like a complete prick, and if he's going to eff off with a young girl he has no business asking you whether you're seeing other people - sounds like he has an ego bigger than a house. You will get through this - and he will at some point - maybe when you're looking like you're coping - try and get back in there. He sounds to me like he's either insecure or heartless. Fact is you're better off without him - as cliched as that may sound.

Janos · 27/12/2007 21:50

He sounds very insecure. Men like him who run around with much younger women generally are. Women their own age are too much of a challenge and a responsibility.

noranora · 27/12/2007 21:50

moap,
you are at the most hurting period of the seperation.
but it will pass really, please dont get upset.
he was bad luck to you but you have gorgeous dcs now.
x

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