i don`t think i can take this much longer

[mummyofaprincess]

People might know my story from my other thread on here,

I found out my partner was cheating on me via a message on his phone form OW.

He left me, DD (3) and my 6 month bump.

Well i wanted to try he never even gave us chance he looked me in my eyes and said he loved her and wanted her, hes 26 shes 17.

He had brought her back to our place, he admitted this about 2 weeks ago now.

Well now ive found pictures of them together and its really cut me up, i cant believe it.

He looks so happy

How could he do this to me, we was together 7 years.

If it wasnt for my dcs then i dont know what i would do, i really hate myself, i keep asking myself why me?, it doesnt help that she`s younger and much better looking, thinner got a job with my xp etc

Why would she want my xp when she can have the pick of the croud?

Will this get any easier, its only been just over 5 weeks but i`ve come along way since then, but this has made me step back like 10 thousand steps

No need to apologise MOAP.

You know, AnneMayesR is so right when she says what goes around comes around. People like them go on making the same mistakes over and and having shit lives because they aree too stupid and self obsessed to know any better.

Meanwhile, you and your DCs will go on to be so much happier, even if it doesn't feel that way now. I promise.

i really do hope so

He has just texted saying is it still ok to have DD over night tomorrow (thats all he put), but i know they are both off work and i have this feeling he will take DD to hers and stop there as he has DDs over night cot, so its easly put up in her house etc i really don`t know what to do

Tell him that its not convenient and that you have other arrangements.

Perhaps lay it on a bit that she is going to stay at her Grandparents and she will be so disappointed if she can't because she's been so upset recently with everything that has happened.

He can't just waltz in and out when it suits him.

Do what suits YOU and DD.

Sorry, of course it's not up to me what you do..that sounded a bit bossy and is of course just a suggestion.

Janos dont worry its ok, well i just cant deal with this right now as i know they will be together with my DD

I dont think i really want to text him and say no in a nice way as he will only go mad at me, when i did offer saturday!! he said no im busy with "her"

It just pisses me off to think that he wants me to just roll over when it suits him, DD is not some doll he can take out when he feels like it.

Dd wouldn`t understand if he and her was together like some loved up sick teenagers.
I know he would only drag DD round the town or something as thats all he seems to do these days.

I really feel stressed out and i really can`t take much more of his shit, he must like hurting me like this

I can understand why you don't want to text him and say 'no' because you are worried by his reaction. But in reality what is the worst he can do? Storm round and demand to see her there and then...? I doubt it.

YOu just need to remember that you don't have to do what he asks. You can simply say, no its not convenient, and leave it there.

Arrange to be out if you think he will call round.

Is there maybe a friend/family member who can be there and help you, if you decide to do it?

You are right that DD is not a doll he can just pick up whenever he likes.

Its totally up to you what you do.

Also...have a think about what happened to Britney Spears. She got together with her trashy ex when his girlfriend was 8 months pg. Look at them now.

i just know theres going to come a day where he will want her over night when they get there own place and i can`t let them have my DD or LO

I know i should just let him have DD as shes his daughter aswell, if he had just walked out on us because he was unhappy then yeah there wouldnt be a problem, but he cheated with her and i cant let them play happy familys with my DD or LO.

Well I am a bit nuts but I would probably lay it on thick and do the following.

Tell him that your GP has referred DD to a child psychologist as it is a necessary thing when a child is bereaved at the loss of her family even if it is due to a break -up. Little ones cannot differentiate between a death and a break-up. It is all "loss" to them.

Tell him that the child psychologists that you have been speaking too have told you that DD meeting OW will only cause her further upset and damage.... that statistics show that when parents break up and bring new partners around children too soon it causes permanent damage. That's actually true unfortunately.

Then remind him that your primary concern is for your daughters emotional, physical and mental well being and ask him if he feels the same. That should put him on the spot a little.

You could do it via text so OW might see it too.

I am probably a bad influence ya know.

mummyofaprincess -

I have been following your threads but never commented, although all along i have felt so so sorry for you & your dd.

Please try to be strong, it may feel like your arehole ex has got the upper hand because he is showing he is happy & all that he is doing is great in his life but please believe me the grass is not always greener on the other side, one day he will sit & realise what he lost & for what? a 17 yr old girl who he thought was better than his family, see my words thought

You need to hold tight, get through this, you can do this for your children, you don't need a man like this in your life you & your kids deserve so so much better than him, one day you will meet another man when your ready & hopefully he will be the lovely man you & your children deserve.

Your ex is being a pratt, he is so obviously loving the freedom because unlike men we don't & can't just walk away from our children, they can & do

He may feel he has the upper hand & may love rubbing it in your face but believe me the day you show him what a fantastic job you have done with bringing up a toddler & baby on your own & maybe meeting someone new will be the day the total tosspot realises what a mess & waste he has mad.

It's not your loss it's his, keep telling yourself this everyday.

I wish you all the luck in the world with your children & hope your knighting shining armer comes & sweeps you off your feet, you deserve it

It is hard I know MOAP. Really tough. I've been in a similar situation.

Of course he should have access to your DD. But it's absolutely fine for you to lay down some guidelines and say this is when you can see her. That's not being horrible, that's looking out for DD and yourself.

I very much agree that your DD should not be seeing OW at this stage and its absolutely fair to say that.

I would just text him & say, sorry but the time is not right for dd to go away for the night she is not ready for this.

Or just outright tell him no, the ignore him & get on with what your doing with dd?

i really cant take this i just want to run away and never come back, but i cant he is there father.

This isn`t going to get any better i know this now

Yes he is there Father & obviously has a right to see his children but he will have to do it on your terms at the moment, let's not forget he choose life to be this way, he walked out on you all.....

Please don't let him take your dd to see OW. It will break your heart and confuse dd.
Tell him you have plans tomorrow night and when he does have her overnight he needs to tell you exactly where he is, who he is with and you need to be able to contact them at all times.
She's your dd and you must call the shots here.
Sorry I sound bossy, but he can't pressure you like this.

he does see DD but only when hes not busy with her, this week he has only seen DD once that was xmas day, normally he will see DD twice a week, he only sees DD around the hours he`s not seeing her.

When he`s here all he talks about is himself, he does play with DD but only a bit.

His phones for ever going off and he sits there texting away.

I`ve never stopped him seeing DD but its all getting ontop of me now

thankyou everyone

ginnedupudding i do really want DD to stay with him as i thinks DD would love this, but i know she is off aswell so i just have this feeling he will be with her with my DD and i really can`t deal with that

Then go with your instincts - they are probably right.
There's nothing wrong with him having her overnight, but it should always be on your terms.
x

ginnedupudding how are you getting on today?

I've had a really nice day but feeling a bit down again now.
Dc have gone out with their dad for the day and are not back yet. I've been to a family do in Essex which was great as it took my mind off everything (none of that side of the family know about what's been happening)
Now I'm home and waiting for the boys to come back and thinking too much
Dp put some stuff of mine through my letter box while I was out so I know he's around somewhere.
He's still got to come and get his stuff but I'm not sure how and when that will happen.
Its all crap!

i`m glad you had a nice day, i also start the day good then when it comes to around this time i also get thinking

I hope that when he does come to collect his stuff that he doesnt kick up a fuss, or isnt pissed.

I think its down to him to tell his family what he has put you through.

I hope when your dcs are back they put a very big smile back on your face, i know its hard to be happy with your dcs when inside all you feel like doing is running away

{{hugs}}

Sorry if i`m not much help x

They are all my family MOAP but I don't see them regularly as they live quite a long way away so they don't really know much about my life. My cousin was there with her new boyfriend and they were quite loved up and I felt so . I'm pleased she's so happy but it was hard for me to watch and of course nobody (except my Mum and stepdad) know my situation so that made it harder.
I can't wait till the boys get home and I can go to bed. At least I get some peace when I'm asleep, its just when you wake up in the morning and slowly everything hits you again
God I'm a right old misery aren't I. Just ignore me!

sorry i did read that wrong, DD is still awake and playing up really bad

I feel the same i go to bed and when i wake up in the middle of the night all the shit comes back to me again

I know MOAP. First thing in the morning and last thing at night are the worst times.
I feel awful too because I told ds1 not to tell his dad what he saw because I don't want him getting involved or worrying about them. He said "it will be hard but I won't say anything" bless his heart. He shouldn't have to go through any of this. Its not his fault his Mum has crap taste in men!

don`t blame yourself, its not your fault, i really do feel for you, and your ds

Enough about me - I've hijacked your thread with all my crap .