Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

ExH wants DS to share a room with him and his gf on holiday

258 replies

VivaVegas · 22/10/2021 15:47

To give some background I have a very acrimonious relationship with him: he had an affair with a colleague, lying, gaslighting etc. Now lives with her so I wasn't going crazy!

Whenever he doesn't get his own way it's always me that's unreasonable and he always plays the victim.

He wants to take DS abroad with his 'partner' next year, DS will be 14.5. He thinks it's ok for them to all share the same room. They did it this year and I didn't realise, I was quite shocked to be honest. It was in this country and only for a few days so he didn't have to get consent. He's asked for my consent this time as it's overseas.

I've said I think it's unacceptable for DS to share a room with his dad and another woman for 7-10 days and that he needs to get an apartment or a partitioned room so DS has some privacy.

Apparently this is unreasonable and makes the holiday too expensive. It will be my fault that DS doesn't get to go abroad if I refuse to back down.

He's just come back from a trip abroad for just him and her so the lack of money/cost side doesn't wash. But obviously fits with playing the victim and making me feel like I'm in the wrong as usual.

If I was to go away with my partner and DS I wouldn't dream of the 3 of us sharing one room.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:

choli · 23/10/2021 11:29

@SleepingBunnies21

given they have already all shared a room on holiday last year.

There's no question of whether he knows his father's current partner.... avd the room sharing last year, with a 1e and a half yr old boy was equally inappropriate, and demonstrates op's cheating ex and his affair partner's lack of boundaries, appropriate behaviour, selfishness, and financial priorities.

I doubt social services will be interested in that.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:32

I doubt social services will be interested in that.

In what?

aSofaNearYou · 23/10/2021 11:32

@SleepingBunnies21

Children abd young people regularly accept inappropriate behaviour from adults that they realise later, as adults, was inappropriate but wouldn't have at the time.

Are you ever going to explain why it is inappropriate?

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:34

[quote aSofaNearYou]@SleepingBunnies21

You still are simply not explaining why you think it is inappropriate. Many of us don't. [/quote]
Then I'm very glad you're not responsible for any children related to me.

TheChip · 23/10/2021 11:35

What are your views on family camping @SleepingBunnies21

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:38

Are you ever going to explain why it is inappropriate?

See my previous response to this.

Op, I'm not pustibg further; just saw the pile on front some posters and some very unfair accusations being thrown your way and wanted to make it clear; some people do not think you are being unreasonable in the slightest and would feel the same as you.

This is just more evidence if your cheating ex and his affair partners inappropriate, selfish, boundary trampling, unreasonable behaviour. You're not in the wrong.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:40

They're clearly cheap bastards too.

AutumnLeafy · 23/10/2021 11:43

@SleepingBunnies21

They're clearly cheap bastards too.

Are you for real? Not everyone can afford to pay double the price for a holiday.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:44

Your son must be a very soft, amenable, maybe naive type too - just trying to imagine my husband being told he'd be sharing a room on holiday with his dad and dad's latest partner at nearly 15 yrs old; not a chance would he have accepted that.

AutumnLeafy · 23/10/2021 11:44

He's just come back from a trip abroad for just him and her so the lack of money/cost side doesn't wash yes it does. They've been on holiday already so can't afford another one with an extra room. Just because you can afford one holiday doesn't mean you can afford two.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:44

Are you for real? Not everyone can afford to pay double the price for a holiday.

Did you not read op's posts?

Bonsaibreaker · 23/10/2021 11:45

They're clearly cheap bastards too.

You are just unpleasant.
You refuse to explain why its inappropriate and are alluding to dodgy behaviour by is father and his partner with zero basis.

StoneColdBitch · 23/10/2021 11:45

OP, I'm sorry but it feels like your reaction to this is coloured by the fact that their relationship started as an affair.

It sounds like this is an established, stable relationship (given that their relationship started while you were together, and enough time has elapsed post-split for you to have a new partner as well).

As long as they're not walking around naked in front of your child, or having sex in front of your child, this isn't inappropriate.

I understand why you don't like your ex or his partner, but sharing a room on holiday, while fully clothed throughout, is not a safeguarding issue, and you risk being perceived as the bitter ex if you make a fuss. Do you really want your ex and his new partner to assume you're jealous?

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:45

@AutumnLeafy

They didn't have to have two holidays.

That's a luxury.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:46

You are just unpleasant.

I'm in good company on this thread, with the sorts of accusations being thrown at op.

aSofaNearYou · 23/10/2021 11:47

@SleepingBunnies21

Are you ever going to explain why it is inappropriate?

See my previous response to this.

This is just more evidence if your cheating ex and his affair partners inappropriate, selfish, boundary trampling, unreasonable behaviour. You're not in the wrong.

I have read all of your previous responses, besides the presumably abusive one that was deleted. Not one of them explained why it was inappropriate, they all simply said "it's inappropriate".

It's not enough to say something is inappropriate just because you dislike it, you have to be able to substantiate it.

There are certainly behaviours whilst sharing a room that WOULD be inappropriate. Having sex with him there, or getting changed in the open. But the mere act of sleeping in the same room, which is all we know is going on, is not in itself inappropriate, and you have done nothing to explain why it is. There are many scenarios in which people, including teenagers, share bedrooms with people other than their parents. Dorm rooms at boarding school, for instance, or at the other end of the scale, people living a less privileged life often have no choice but to share sleeping quarters.

Maybe have a think and try and explain why sleeping in the same room as others on a short term basis is inherently inappropriate. At the moment you are not really saying anything, you're just insulting others whilst not putting forward any level of a counterargument.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:47

As long as they're not walking around naked in front of your child, or having sex in front of your child, this isn't inappropriate.

What a high bar.

AutumnLeafy · 23/10/2021 11:47

@SleepingBunnies21

Are you for real? Not everyone can afford to pay double the price for a holiday.

Did you not read op's posts?

Yes I did. So what they've been on one holiday. Maybe his partner paid for that one and he is paying for this one. Who knows. But saying they've been on one holiday with 1 room for 2 of them so must be able to afford another one with 2 for 3 of them makes no sense.

aSofaNearYou · 23/10/2021 11:48

@SleepingBunnies21

They're clearly cheap bastards too.

You might want to check your privilege on this one. And generally.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:50

There are many scenarios in which people, including teenagers, share bedrooms with people other than their parents. Dorm rooms at boarding school, for instance

Its like you're trying to hit the "completely irrelevant" point button as many times as you can.

Who could object to a young person sharing a room with their peers in a context like that?

people living a less privileged life often have no choice but to share sleeping quarters.

I know people living a less privileged life and the are all housed to ensure children, past the early years, are not room sharing with adults.

SleepingBunnies21 · 23/10/2021 11:52

Maybe his partner paid for that one

Maybe his partner should consider that he has a son, and she chose to enter a new "family" with that son, therefore he should be considered in holiday budgeting decisions. Not "my money is for us, not your son; your money is for him .... abd if yo can't even afford a room for him, oh well".

TheChip · 23/10/2021 11:53

So what are you views on family camping @SleepingBunnies21 is that inappropriate?

AutumnLeafy · 23/10/2021 11:54

@SleepingBunnies21 so now the partner needs to finance someone else's child even though they have 2 parents.

Shelovesamystery · 23/10/2021 11:54

He's 14, he needs and deserves privacy. I'd be telling exh "no fucking way is it happening".

Also I wouldn't want to spend more than a couple of nights sharing a room with our 6yo and 3yo because DH and I would want privacy, and they are our own dc's. I can't imagine your ex's partner is happy to share a room with a 14yo boy for over a week.

AutumnLeafy · 23/10/2021 11:55

Actually. If OP is genuinely concerned about this, and fair enough that's up to them, why don't they offer to pay for an extra room.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread