ExH wants DS to share a room with him and his gf on holiday

[VivaVegas]

To give some background I have a very acrimonious relationship with him: he had an affair with a colleague, lying, gaslighting etc. Now lives with her so I wasn't going crazy!

Whenever he doesn't get his own way it's always me that's unreasonable and he always plays the victim.

He wants to take DS abroad with his 'partner' next year, DS will be 14.5. He thinks it's ok for them to all share the same room. They did it this year and I didn't realise, I was quite shocked to be honest. It was in this country and only for a few days so he didn't have to get consent. He's asked for my consent this time as it's overseas.

I've said I think it's unacceptable for DS to share a room with his dad and another woman for 7-10 days and that he needs to get an apartment or a partitioned room so DS has some privacy.

Apparently this is unreasonable and makes the holiday too expensive. It will be my fault that DS doesn't get to go abroad if I refuse to back down.

He's just come back from a trip abroad for just him and her so the lack of money/cost side doesn't wash. But obviously fits with playing the victim and making me feel like I'm in the wrong as usual.

If I was to go away with my partner and DS I wouldn't dream of the 3 of us sharing one room.

Am I being unreasonable??

So I'd imagine there will be times when your dh is told to go off and do his own thing for a couple of hours, which isn't really on if he doesn't have his own space or companions his own age.

I mean as a step parent, parent, and just a normal person in a long term relationship I would never do this, I would simply not have sex for a week.

I don't think it's a big deal to be honest.

That poster, I mean NOT op.

This forum either attracts some of the oddest people in the UK, or some people who will literally argue anything and attack op about anything for who knows what satisfaction thry out of it.

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest.

Your ex and his woman are, however.

What is going on in their heads.

This seems to be all about you OP. What you think. What you prefer. What you would rather do.

Your DS is nearly 15. He can make his own decision.
It sounds like it doesn't really matter to him. He probably just wants to go on holiday.

What is going on in their heads.

It's cheaper so means more money to spend/stay in a nicer place.
It's safer as if there are no 2 bedroom rooms DS could end up on a different floor.
They have done it last year and DS doesn't seem to have minded as he didn't mention it to the OP at let alone say he didn't like it/felt uncomfortable.

I cant see why they would have bad intentions.

@RantyAunty

This seems to be all about you OP. What you think. What you prefer. What you would rather do.

Your DS is nearly 15. He can make his own decision.
It sounds like it doesn't really matter to him. He probably just wants to go on holiday.

He is still a child.

Someone needs to protect him, in terms of appropriate treatment.

Children abd young people will often go along with things because because either don't know they are inappropriate or theybdintvwabt to rock the boat. That is much more the case with a father father this, who is clearly not a decent person.

Very offensive to say to op, shes looking out for her son and acting appropriately avd you are accusing her of it "being all about her" - quite disgraceful actually.

Some real gas lighting bullies on this forum.

*father like this

You're taking out your anger on your son, whom I assume would want to enjoy a holiday.
Indeed.

@SleepingBunnies21

We're not gaslighting OP, many of us just don't agree that it's inherently inappropriate for him to share a room on a holiday (see residential school trips, backpacking holidays, along with reasons to keep youngsters in with you such as safety if you want to to understand why), meaning that OPs objection is, in essence, only really for her own benefit.

@SleepingBunnies21, could you explain why you think it’s utterly inappropriate to have a 14yo sleeping in the same bedroom than her dad and stepmum?

We're not gaslighting OP

Accusing her of "it being all about her" is gas lighting.

Sane with her "taking pug her anger on her son".

Those are two disgraceful statements towards op; and they are gas light-y.

[quote TravelLost]@SleepingBunnies21, could you explain why you think it’s utterly inappropriate to have a 14yo sleeping in the same bedroom than her dad and stepmum?[/quote]
If you need that explained, I worry about you.

see residential school trips, backpacking holidays, along with reasons to keep youngsters in with you such as safety

That's not this scenario. Very different.

her dad and stepmum?

Isnt this a boy anyway?

And it's not his step mum. I don't believe they're married, and it diesbt sound sound she's been on the scene for a long time time either.

That's not this scenario. Very different.

Yes very different as in those scenarios the people are strangers.

In this case 1 of the 2 adults is his father and 1 is his father's partner who I assume DS knows given they have already all shared a room on holiday last year.

If you feel so strongly that it is inappropriate please explain why Sleeping

I would imagine DS shares a bathroom with his dad and gf when stays at his fathers home. I would also think they have likely seen each other in pyjamas.

Yes, but I wouldn't imagine he has shared a room with them, and if he had I imagine social services would have been interested.

@SleepingBunnies21

I would imagine DS shares a bathroom with his dad and gf when stays at his fathers home. I would also think they have likely seen each other in pyjamas.

Yes, but I wouldn't imagine he has shared a room with them, and if he had I imagine social services would have been interested.

Fair enough if that was the home living situation, but this is talking about a holiday.

given they have already all shared a room on holiday last year.

There's no question of whether he knows his father's current partner.... avd the room sharing last year, with a 1e and a half yr old boy was equally inappropriate, and demonstrates op's cheating ex and his affair partner's lack of boundaries, appropriate behaviour, selfishness, and financial priorities.

*13 and a half Yr old boy

meaning that OPs objection is, in essence, only really for her own benefit.

It's clearly not.

Her objections/discomfort are entirely natural, normal, understandable etc.

As I said, it's a parents responsibility to
judge and advocate for their children including teenagers, it doesn't matter if her son accepted it last year and is going along with it this year. He's probably trying not to rock the boat with his low integrity, selfish father.

@SleepingBunnies21

You still are simply not explaining why you think it is inappropriate. Many of us don't.

Children abd young people regularly accept inappropriate behaviour from adults that they realise later, as adults, was inappropriate but wouldn't have at the time.