ExH wants DS to share a room with him and his gf on holiday

[VivaVegas]

To give some background I have a very acrimonious relationship with him: he had an affair with a colleague, lying, gaslighting etc. Now lives with her so I wasn't going crazy!

Whenever he doesn't get his own way it's always me that's unreasonable and he always plays the victim.

He wants to take DS abroad with his 'partner' next year, DS will be 14.5. He thinks it's ok for them to all share the same room. They did it this year and I didn't realise, I was quite shocked to be honest. It was in this country and only for a few days so he didn't have to get consent. He's asked for my consent this time as it's overseas.

I've said I think it's unacceptable for DS to share a room with his dad and another woman for 7-10 days and that he needs to get an apartment or a partitioned room so DS has some privacy.

Apparently this is unreasonable and makes the holiday too expensive. It will be my fault that DS doesn't get to go abroad if I refuse to back down.

He's just come back from a trip abroad for just him and her so the lack of money/cost side doesn't wash. But obviously fits with playing the victim and making me feel like I'm in the wrong as usual.

If I was to go away with my partner and DS I wouldn't dream of the 3 of us sharing one room.

Am I being unreasonable??

A nearly 15 year old isn't a kid. They're a young person who deserves privacy. It's also really inappropriate for him to be sharing a room with his dad's girlfriend.

So families with teenagers should never go camping?

It's just sleeping. I can't imagine they'll be having sex with him in the room. It honestly wouldn't bother me unless it bothered my son, in which case I would support him.

Have you actually asked your son what HE thinks?

You sound snarky saying "partner" and whining about them going on holiday alone tbh.

I wouldn't and didn't with my son, but it has already happened and I imagine your son is quite capable of telling them his own mind.

Let it go.

Not sure why he bothered to ask. He is the childs dad, and unless there is a contact order in place he doesn't need permission to take his son abroad. Also assuming his name is on the BC.

At 14 he is old enough to state if he is happy or not. Unsure why you haven't bothered to ask yet, this is what I do when it involves my teens. Would have been the bigger person to say oh I will ask ds and see what he says.

But noticed many people have mentioned the same and no reply other than ex gets angry. Ex wouldn't have to know who made the decision, just keep saying it doesn't work for us. You never know because of his mood, ds might not relish the thought of going abroad with dad. But until you have a chat with him you will never know. And if you make a decision without his involvement he might not appreciate it. I know my own wouldn't at that age,.

Maybe last time the DS wasn't happy but if he didn't know until he arrived what was he supposed to do?

@SunshineCake1

Maybe last time the DS wasn't happy but if he didn't know until he arrived what was he supposed to do?

OP hasn't said anything to indicate it was a problem for him last time.

@SouthsideSally

A nearly 15 year old isn't a kid. They're a young person who deserves privacy. It's also really inappropriate for him to be sharing a room with his dad's girlfriend.

So families with teenagers should never go camping?

Not if they're expected to undress in front of other people and dislike doing so, no.

Not if they're expected to undress in front of other people and dislike doing so, no.

For what reason do you think he is expected to do this @ohpatti

So inappropriate! I can’t imagine your son wanted to share a room with them for one minute.

I shared a room with my ex-dp and his three DDs (ages 8-16) and it was awkward as hell. Luckily the vacation got cut short. lol If they had been little I would've felt differently of course.

However you DS should decide if he's comfortable with it or not.

Not massively inappropriate- depends on their relationship. oW will have a terrible time tho

Who says they are expected to undress in front of anyone? If OP had serious concerns that her son was being forced or coerced into being naked in front of any adult including her ex then I'm certain she would have called the police and social services. She didn't, because he's not.

MN is funny.

It's gone from 10 days abroad to a nudist holiday where the adults cannot contain themselves.

Given that the DS has not expressed concern or upset and the OP is yet to return I think this is at this point, an OP issue.

To me it depends on whether your son feels comfortable being in such close proximity to the girlfriend. Does he already stay round at their place. How long has he known her? Etc. A lot of teens wouldn't want to share with their parents at that age but my teens did when we took them to the US because we couldn't afford two rooms and the rooms themselves all had two double beds so were fairly large. But then neither of us are step parents to them.

If she was the OW, so they've been together since before you split, why is she a 'girlfriend' but your other half is a 'partner'?

What's this really about?

All so easily solved by booking a one bed with sofa bed in living area, or two rooms. If that is not even being considered I would be a bit annoyed alright.

Am not sure if son has already shared a break with Dad and GF, sounded to me like it was just Dad and GF and therefore money was no object. Maybe I got that wrong.

Son will probably say it's ok in order not to rock the boat, but it just doesn't sit right with me due to son's age.

Book accom with separate sleeping areas. Problem solved and no more dramas.

If you are all asleep why are separate sleeping areas necessary?

It really depends on how your ds feels about it. Have you actually asked him?

I don't personally see the issue with it. It's a holiday and presumably they will be spending most of the time out of the room so it's just somewhere to sleep. I've a nephew that age and if we were on holiday I'd share a room with him. Wouldn't be my first choice obviously but if it was the difference between going on holiday or not, then I would.

Can’t see the issue.
We’ve shared bedroom with my own dcs since they were little. They are now older teens and we still do that.

I’ve actually also done that with my own parents even as a 40+ yo woman. I d9nt know, for me that’s quite normal?

She's not a 'partner' she's a partner just like yours.

Anyway it's odd for 14.5 year old and your ex's partner to be ok with this in my opinion.

Anyway it's odd for 14.5 year old and your ex's partner to be ok with this in my opinion.

Why?

Btw the needing to know k on his door before going in is totally Jamal and has nothing to do with sleeping arrangement.

For one, it’s a polite thing to do.
But also, at that age, I would suspect he might be spending some time alone having a wank. So yay. Knocking on the door really important but not so much if he is sharing a bedroom and know someone will be there!

@Bonsaibreaker

Anyway it's odd for 14.5 year old and your ex's partner to be ok with this in my opinion.

Why?

Because I'd hate it. But I guess maybe she is closer than I am with my own stepchildren.

Autumn

Yes you would hate it and that'd fine but does that mean everyone has to hate it?

Scout trip. No parent present 10 strangers sharing a room is no issue but 2 adults one of whom is a parent is an issue? Why?