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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP punched me in the head... What next?

234 replies

Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:14

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

OP posts:
GoWalkabout · 10/10/2021 19:17

Have you reported the assault to the police? You might get advice through that process and it would be best to have it on record. I'm so sorry he dud this to you.

FluffMagnet · 10/10/2021 19:17

Go to the police please OP. He punched you in the head hard, whilst you were holding a baby?!

Bagelsandbrie · 10/10/2021 19:18

I hope you reported it to the police? If not do so now and take photos of any bruising.

Owning a house does not mean you cannot claim benefits. Get on a benefits calculator and see what you are entitled to and how to claim.

Contact women’s aid for support and advice.

Well done for getting yourself safe.

nolovelost · 10/10/2021 19:18

No don't go home. Are you going to report this?

Frbct · 10/10/2021 19:18

I'm sorry he has attacked you. You do have choices. Can you seek professional advice? Have you reported his violence? Take care.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 19:18

Oh you poor poor thing. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Have you seen a doctor?

lifehappened · 10/10/2021 19:19

So sorry, you poor thing. Hope you get sorted soon. You're better than that dick head xx

Redland12 · 10/10/2021 19:21

I am so sorry this has happened to you! My mouth was open whilst reading this! Please don’t go back. I have no idea of legalities but I’m sure Someone on here will help with that. I cannot imagine how you felt. What an absolute bastard! Stay strong and stay on here for great advice 🌹

smartiecake · 10/10/2021 19:21

Report him to the police. Make a claim for benefits and child benefit if you haven't already and see a solicitor about selling the house and splitting assets. And start a claim for maintenance from him.
You poor thing, sounds very scary and upsetting for you

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 10/10/2021 19:22

Did the police not arrest him???

MrMrsJones · 10/10/2021 19:22

Police first and report
Then have him removed from the house
Move back in
Divorce

LawnFever · 10/10/2021 19:23

I’m so sorry this has happened.

You do have choices and no you do not need to go home, speak to Women’s Aid for advice.

You might be crowded but it’s better to be crowded and safe, please do not consider going back to this man for you safety and the safety of your baby.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 10/10/2021 19:24

Op are you in the UK? If so contact womens aid. Please don't return to the abusers house. He punched you hard enough to perforate an eardrum. He could kill you next time

CottonSock · 10/10/2021 19:24

You poor thing. Women's aid maybe? Citizens advice re benefits entitlement. Council re emergency housing.

Original poster
Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:24

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

OP posts:
ohdeariforgot · 10/10/2021 19:25

You must report him. There is evidence of abuse as you've seen GP.

Please protect yourself and you child.

DriftingBlue · 10/10/2021 19:25

You left the house. That is a great first step.

For a second step, I would call the police. You need to document what he did. The purpose of this is to protect your child in the future if custody becomes a concern.

If you can’t bring yourself to call the police, you need to call your local domestic violence service.

Please do not go back to the house. Sometime in the next few days he will contact you and apologize and swear that he will never do it again. He is lying. He may not even realize he is lying, but he is. Non-abusers don’t restrict access to money and non-abusers certainly don’t hit women holding a baby. This isn’t a one time thing. It will escalate.

SALTyartist · 10/10/2021 19:25

Please speak to women’s aid, they will be able to give you advice about your housing options. Follow your gut and do NOT go back home whilst he is there. I’m so sorry this has happened, it must be an awful shock but anyone who can punch someone so hard in the head they perforate an eardrum whilst that person in also holding an infant is a dangerous person and you deserve better.

scatteredglitter · 10/10/2021 19:26

Report it.

Take photos of your injuries.
See a GP and get it documented.
Go to the police,
It doesn't matter who hit who first. Your injuries are serious.
Christ.
Just report it.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 19:26

Have you not reported this?

SilverGlassHare · 10/10/2021 19:26

You have bruises and he doesn’t. Report him to the police.

MintyCedric · 10/10/2021 19:27

Speak to Shelter regarding the housing situation. I know it used to be the case that in certain circumstances you could get housing benefit in the short term even if you part own a house, I would think in your situation you may qualify.

NautaOcts · 10/10/2021 19:27

Phone the National Centre for Domestic Violence (preferably after the police)
They can advise you and also help you get a civil non molestation order if that’s appropriate, and also talk about occupation orders etc.
They will still help and advise you and can get you civil orders even if you don’t want to involve the police. (But as an outsider I think you should, but I know it’s not always that easy)
08009702070 - national centre for domestic violence

Liverbird77 · 10/10/2021 19:27

See a doctor first and foremost.
Next step police.
Don't worry about being at your parents' place. It may not be ideal, but you and the children are safe there. As a mother, I'd want my children with me for as long as it took them to move to a safe and comfortable situation.

Not sure about next steps, but I would guess mediation in terms of splitting assets etc.

Be prepared for him to plead with you and say you pushed him to it/he'd never do it again/the kids need mum and dad together etc etc.

I am so sorry this happened to you. What an absolute piece of shit to hit a woman who is holding a child. Obviously horrific to do it at any moment, but this seems particularly low.

Aspiringmatriarch · 10/10/2021 19:28

Please report it. The police will be upsides with him trying to pin any blame on you - and you have injuries which you can document. It doesn't mean you have to take it any further but it could be really really important in the future. Please report, and call women's aid.