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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP punched me in the head... What next?

234 replies

Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:14

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

OP posts:
SaltySheepdog · 10/10/2021 22:04

Police. He should move out while you have the house

flashy44 · 10/10/2021 22:04

Police take domestic violence more seriously now,so log it with the police it doesnt matter if time has lapsed do it asap.What an awful brute that he would do that while you were holding a child and so hard that he perforated your eardrum,its not on and he needs to know this.
Get advice from womens refuge centre and Citizens Advice in your town and stay at your mums till hes out of the house.Good luck and stay strong.X

TatianaBis · 10/10/2021 22:06

@Sparklespangle

Thank you everyone, sincerely, you have been the wake up call I needed.

I will ring the police and women's aid in the morning.

I feel stronger with you all behind me. I realise it's not my word against his because I have injuries (twat)

We will stay with my parents and see if we can get some housing, I will also investigate benefits and getting back into work.

I can do this. I will do this.

OP please read my post above, you may be able to get an emergency occupation order off the back of the assault and not have to move out.

Ring the NCDV tomorrow morning and see what they advise.

Echobelly · 10/10/2021 22:10

Great news that you are reporting, please, please do. Ignore his voice saying that they 'won't believe you' - you were holding a baby and have injuries. Though things aren't always great with women and the police this is not the 1970s and they won't just try to fob you off or shrug they can't deal with 'domestics', this is very serious and very provable. Good luck. Flowers

EarthSight · 10/10/2021 22:11

@Sparklespangle

Thank you everyone, sincerely, you have been the wake up call I needed.

I will ring the police and women's aid in the morning.

I feel stronger with you all behind me. I realise it's not my word against his because I have injuries (twat)

We will stay with my parents and see if we can get some housing, I will also investigate benefits and getting back into work.

I can do this. I will do this.

Twat indeed. It's good that you went to your GP - your perforated eardrum, although not the same as your facial injuries, is another injury on record.
BunnyteamZ · 10/10/2021 22:11

When you call the police and get better you might want to watch the movie Maid about domestic violence and the woman moving out. Just watched it yesterday and the woman is in very similar circumstances

Bollindger · 10/10/2021 22:25

Always report things, my sister didn't, he was abusive for years.
He reported her and she was in trouble.
I called her home , and told the policeman a version of what he always did to her, and how he would hurt her in front of people by twisting her arm out of view so when she was hitting him to stop he would pretend she attacked him.
The office asked to see her arm and it was bruised .
He got chucked out.

Bogeyes · 10/10/2021 22:28

You must report this.

timeisnotaline · 10/10/2021 22:31

Please please go to the police, as others say your dp is hardly bruised with hearing damage and gp evidence, so he hasnt got a leg to stand on. It sounds like he isn’t even sorry- I’m so sorry but you can’t go back while he’s there. It’s too awful to think about what might happen.

Hen2018 · 10/10/2021 22:32

I’m glad you are going to take action.

I’ve said it before (and I’ll say it again!) - you need a paper trail, which could be from the GP, health visitor, women’s aid, police etc. You need this in case he takes you to court for full residency (my ex did this on and off for 8 years) and to get the protection of a non molestation order.

I also got an occupation order so I could move back in to my house (as I had 2 young children and stayed in a refuge).

I can’t remember from your OP if you are married but you can have a mesher order to delay the sale of the house until your youngest child is 18. And child maintenance from your ex.

PearLime · 10/10/2021 22:34

@Sparklespangle

Thank you everyone, sincerely, you have been the wake up call I needed.

I will ring the police and women's aid in the morning.

I feel stronger with you all behind me. I realise it's not my word against his because I have injuries (twat)

We will stay with my parents and see if we can get some housing, I will also investigate benefits and getting back into work.

I can do this. I will do this.

We're all behind you OP.
SukiPook · 10/10/2021 22:44

If you're still unsure/reluctant to call police - definitely call Women's Aid as well as get your injuries looked at by a dr (you probably have already to know your eardrum is perforated - that sounds horrible and must have been so scary!)
He doesn't have a leg to stand on with his story of you hitting first, that will not change anything - he has no injuries and you do. But seriously, Women's Aid are absolutely brilliant for an understanding chat on the phone about your options. It's also so helpful to have the thing logged with them. They can help with free legal advice, solicitors and all that , on what to do next and how to get him out of the house. They can advise you on what the police will do if you report him, they will I'm sure encourage you to do so and help you to do it if needed , they can help you to minimise risk of being subjected to anymore violence as well.
Do not go back to the house with him in it! He's proved himself dangerous, even though he never did it before. You owe him nothing, he's crossed the line, doing that to you and while you were holding your child.. .horrendous, you poor thing, you must be so shaken up. Best of luck, honestly there is loads of support, the police too have domestic violence teams, of COURSE they will believe you, your injuries speak for themselves, sadly.

SukiPook · 10/10/2021 22:45

Oh brilliant OP good luck with that in the morn. Sorry, my first post is redundant, I accidentally thought there was only 1 page of messages not 6 so I missed your subsequent messages until after I posted.

TeaTears · 10/10/2021 22:45

Huge well done OP for leaving and going to your parents and telling them. That really is a massive first step. Of course it’s taken a few days to work out what to do.

But going to the police is the next step, they will guide you though it. Him punching you whilst holding your baby is a massively terrible thing, and he will only escalate. He should leave the house so you and your child can go back if you feel safe with new locks etc.

You’ve done so so well to tell your family and stop this now.

BiLuminous · 10/10/2021 22:48

Really proud of you for changing your mind. Please do it. Protect yourself and your child. He's done it once which is enough and he might spiral into more behaviours, you really need this reported. Thinking of you x

BuddhaAtSea · 10/10/2021 22:57

Please report. Next time he hits you, you might not wake up.
Please report, it’s really important.

StaplesCorner · 10/10/2021 23:12

You have housing, you lived in a house, he abused you so he will have to leave - its called an Occupation Order. It can be served on him whilst you are safe at your parents then he'll be required to leave and if not the police will remove him. Another one to add to your list to call: rightsofwomen.org.uk

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 10/10/2021 23:18

@StaplesCorner

You have housing, you lived in a house, he abused you so he will have to leave - its called an Occupation Order. It can be served on him whilst you are safe at your parents then he'll be required to leave and if not the police will remove him. Another one to add to your list to call: rightsofwomen.org.uk
This! Report the horrible fucker to the police and get him out so your kids and you can get back in your home. Who does he think he is, staying there like lord of the manor after what he's done to you? Bastard. These men make me sick. Good luck OP Thanks
Noway100 · 10/10/2021 23:28

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.
They are more likely to believe you....honestly.
AviciaJones · 10/10/2021 23:32

You have proof OP, you have injuries, where are his injuries if he thinks the police will believe him over you.

I received a black eye from my ex, he said I did it myself. He had pushed my arm upwards so hard it hit me in the eye, so then he claimed I did it myself. Men like this always blame women. They are unlikely to tell anyone they punched their wife in the head while she was holding their baby.

Tavelo · 11/10/2021 00:08

God what a thug. Please do report so he is held accountable. Hope you feel better soon OP. I'm sorry this happened.

Tavelo · 11/10/2021 00:09

Too many men swan through life thinking they will never be held accountable for anything, including violence towards women.

LaurenKelsey · 11/10/2021 00:11

@scatteredglitter

Report it.

Take photos of your injuries.
See a GP and get it documented.
Go to the police,
It doesn't matter who hit who first. Your injuries are serious.
Christ.
Just report it.

This is sound advice. Make SURE you have photos of your bruises and a report from your GP. Report it. I wouldn’t consider going back to this man, not ever.
Queenie6655 · 11/10/2021 00:16

@Sparklespangle

I know everyone is right. I should go to the police but I'm scared. Does anyone know what will happen? What will the police say and do?
I did it He tried to kill me I left it a long time which I regret

I did report

Got some of the kindest officers ever
So helpful

It did go to criminal court
Some complications and re triial
But reporting it meant that in familycourt he wasn't granted rights to my children
Right away
If and when he does it will hopeful be supervisored

Best to report now
Have a trail

It may go to court
So so sorry
It's hellish

It really is
But not your fault
He is an abuser
They get worse

Queenie6655 · 11/10/2021 00:18

@Tavelo

Too many men swan through life thinking they will never be held accountable for anything, including violence towards women.
Yes to this

My bastard hit and attacked multiple partners

They were all so kind and tried to help him in many ways

These men can't be helped sadly

Please stay strong OP
This site was so so good for building up my confidence and helping me through the process
Lots of ladies sadly been in our shoes

Wish you so much luck

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