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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP punched me in the head... What next?

234 replies

Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:14

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 10/10/2021 20:18

Police. Even if no action is taken its on record for the future.

Being crowded is nothing, baking safe is. You do not need to go back to the house.

KalvinPhillipsManBun · 10/10/2021 20:19

Your GP has a legal duty if care to report this to SS, take their advice OP

Cruiser123 · 10/10/2021 20:20

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be so shocking when a person that hasn't laid on fingers on you before suddenly visciously assaults you. Xx

ArranMumma · 10/10/2021 20:21

If you can use your parents as a guarantor and get enough money for deposit and first months rent, then you can rent privately and cover the cost of rent and bills with universal credit. Entitled2 is a website which will help you work out how much you could be eligible for.

Embracelife · 10/10/2021 20:21

And if there is any chance he will go to police and make up you hit him
Then you need to report first
With your bruises
And that you were carrying the baby.

Branleuse · 10/10/2021 20:22

im really sorry you are in this position.

if you could pay the mortgage, then you would be entitled to stay in the house until your child is 18 or while they are still in full time education and he couldnt force a sale until then

When me and my ex husband were splitting up, I was able to claim housing benefit whilst waiting for the house to be sold. You may be able to find out more about this online or through shelter or womens aid.

Embracelife · 10/10/2021 20:23

He never hit you before
But has he hit walls broken things got angry made you feel scared called you names?
You say he doles out money to you?
How much?

wewereliars · 10/10/2021 20:25

Hi OP, sorry this has happened to you. What he did is very serious, and if you do nothing will happen again. The police have seen it all before and will be wise to his nonsense. In any case, you have physical injuries. Photograph them.

Report him to the police, they should bail him with the condition he stays away from you. Speak to Womens Aid, take their advice. Flowers

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/10/2021 20:25

Tip from here: it is much easier (2mins vs 45mins) to get through on the police non emergency line late at night if your parents can watch the sleeping DC. Then they will make you an appointment to talk with the DV team in daylight hours.

Lordamighty · 10/10/2021 20:26

I know lots of people have said this but you must report the assault to the police. You have a perforated eardrum, it’s not your word against his.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/10/2021 20:29

I agree with PP. You must report it to the police. He not only hit you but put your child at risk of being harmed.

ToCutALongStoryShort · 10/10/2021 20:32

OP this is just awful and shocking reading this. I hope you get support and get back into your house. Flowers

ThePotatoCroquette · 10/10/2021 20:35

I have known some women in the same circumstances who did get housing benefit and UC/legacy benefits despite being on a mortgage, but they did that through the support in a refuge when they moved to one, or with their IDVA which can be self referral I believe, and definitely though police if you decide to make a statement.

Chloemol · 10/10/2021 20:35

Report him to the police
Speak to women’s aid or any other charity you may want to approach

But whatever you do don’t go back, however much he says he is sorry, it won’t happen again, because it will. You have already said he doles out the money, that’s controlling behaviour

.

Atalune · 10/10/2021 20:36

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

The police will arrest him and give him bail conditions not to stay at the house for 28 days. That will give you time to apply for an occupation order and non molestation order (the police should signpost you for these but if not mumsnet can help) You can apply for benefits but they won't help with housing costs. Do you have a job? Maternity pay?
So much good advice on here.

Please please please report.

terfinginthevoid · 10/10/2021 20:38

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please listen to all the very good advice above. And above all, please don't go back to him - whatever he says, it will happen again. You deserve much, much better.

Tal45 · 10/10/2021 20:43

Take photos of the bruising asap if you haven't already OP. What marks does he have to suggest you hit him first? None. You have a bruised face and a perforated ear drum. You must report this it is so important.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 10/10/2021 20:45

If you don't report him your dc is at real risk of not having a dm in the future...

wewereliars · 10/10/2021 20:47

If the police attach a restraining order to the bail conditions, he should be out of the house until any trial OP. That should give you breathing space.

If you apply for an Occupation order, which bans him from the house, The Court can also order him to pay the mortgage until the property is sold. You can apply to the court for an order to sell the house at the same time as applying for the Occupation order. Womens Aid can advise you on all of his.

Whydidimarryhim · 10/10/2021 20:48

Hi op I’m so sorry you experienced this - has he been in contact with you?
Has he put anything in a text message.
You do need to report him -
Would you allow a stranger in the street to do that to you and get away with it. He’s meant to love you - not assault you.
You cannot go back to him.
You are entitled to half or more of his assets.
Dies child benefit go to you already?
You will be able to claim benefits.
You can manage at your parents.
Does he go out to work?
If you need more things get someone to go with you.
He’s an abusive bully.
You may have a local women’s aid in your area you can call.
Keep posting for support if it’s needed.m💐

BellsaRinging · 10/10/2021 20:49

Not rtft but get to a similar. If it was me that would be the secobd thing after reporting to the police tonight, having taken photos of my injuries as they develop.
A solicitor may well be able to apply for an ex-parte (without notice) occupation order for you to re-enter the property and to exclude him from it, along with a non-molestation order (injunction). If it was me I would be in there with the locks changed tomorrow. The police should arrest him and if they bail him attach baileys conditions for him not to contact you or go within a certain radius of the property. Good luck and so sorry to hear of this.

BellsaRinging · 10/10/2021 20:50

Get to a solicitor.

Ohdofuckofdear · 10/10/2021 20:51

Please tell your family and friends what has happened,you deserve and need support around you.

This is not your fault! I've been where you are,take pictures if you haven't already and report him to the Police.

TwinsandTrifle · 10/10/2021 20:51

OP. The police are not new to this. Do you think he's the first to claim "ohhh self defense, she hit me first". They know women don't speak up in the first place, out of fear that they won't be believed. So the fact you have even contacted them, they will take very seriously, immediately.

They will believe you. They will help you. Please contact them.

Mymapuddlington · 10/10/2021 20:51

Hi OP
I know it’s scary, it seems like maybe you’ve been a victim of psychological abuse as well to be so sure the police won’t believe you and to think you need to go back.
Men like this break you down mentally and when they’re sure they have control it escalates. If you go back you and your baby will be killed by this man. Sorry.

Ring the police, take photos, make notes of times/dates/location, you have gp support and people at your parents who can provide statements to say you showed up bruises and terrified etc

The police will help you, hopefully you can return home or will be provided emergency accommodation. Depending on your wages you could get legal aid for a solicitor.

The police put me on priority alert incase my ex showed up. They’d be here within 2 minutes of me ringing, see if there’s something like that to give you a bit of peace of mind.

Please stay strong for you and baby, I promise it’s hard but it gets better and it’s worth it. My boy is 11 now and has no recollections of the hell we went through as I managed to escape when he was young enough.