Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP punched me in the head... What next?

234 replies

Sparklespangle · 10/10/2021 19:14

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

OP posts:
BillMasheen · 10/10/2021 19:46

Nothing new to add, but please do report.

There are several posters on here that didn’t report at the time, and it has made life immeasurably harder for the innocent parties in the months and years that follow. Whilst giving the arsehole that did it a much smoother ride than they deserve.

TheChip · 10/10/2021 19:47

Did your GP inform children services?
They could be helpful too, but that could also be a push to help you report to show that you're safeguarding yourself and your child.

Brollywasntneededafterall · 10/10/2021 19:48

We believe you op..
Your dc needs you to protect both of you.
It is your responsibility..
Report online now.

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:48

Police will take this very seriously. I know they get a bad rep. But actually I think they really will help you a lot. You need them right now.

gamerchick · 10/10/2021 19:49

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.
You're doing an awful lot of assuming OP. From benefits to housing and now the police.

Ring the police and get him lifted first and foremost. You'll wish you had when he starts the 'im going for custody' crap all these men do.

Then put a claim in tomorrow for UC. One step at a time.

seven201 · 10/10/2021 19:49

Please go to the police. It needs to be on record - the gp appointment is presumably a good thing as that should count as evidence.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. How anyone could do that to a woman holding a baby I have no idea. Best of luck to you. You have the strength in you to get through this even if you don't feel like you do. Thanks

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:50

Also agree with others. Lots of women don’t report and it makes life a lot harder. Because no one believes how bad it was, they just say. Well nothing was reported

Coffeeonmytoffee · 10/10/2021 19:50

I'm so very sorry. You need to report him to the police.

Northernsoullover · 10/10/2021 19:50

You will get benefits. My friend did. Until the house was sold.

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:51

You also get legal aid. You will get benefits. You’ll get help with housing.
If you keep quiet. You’ll get none of the above

Loveshelly · 10/10/2021 19:52

Legal aid, when he starts being a cunt and taking you to court every 5 mins. My god you’ll need legal aid.

ChiefInspectorParker · 10/10/2021 19:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

IrishMel · 10/10/2021 19:55

Please file a police report and the doctor's report will back this up. You will regret this in the future and of course he will deny it. Poor you, this is just shocking and utterly disgusting. I understand what you are going through. If you cannot stay where you are then could you possibly ring a refuge to see what your options are. I would get him out of the house though and get an injunction against him and you and the kids should be in the house so the kid's routine is not disrupted. Change the locks also and alert the police that he may start acting out of character as he has shown what he is capable of. Please do not go back to him as this is the start of his violence and it does not get better, even if he promises to go to counselling or anger management. It just gets worse. Could he be using cocaine without you knowing. I left ex partner, my son's dad when our child only a few weeks old as he started acting the same and tried to grab our baby out of my arms and hit me. I started planning to leave and I did leave and never went back. Growing up seeing or hearing violence is rotten and kids do not miss a thing and it effects them, sorry such a long post but please listen to the advise as women on here speaking from life experience and just want to help you. Sending big hugs xx

SmallWaistFatFace · 10/10/2021 19:55

Report him to the police!!

category12 · 10/10/2021 19:56

Love, the police will believe the person with the burst eardrum and marks over the person with none.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 10/10/2021 20:02

Please report him.

AnotherEmma · 10/10/2021 20:02

I'm so sorry he did that to you. Well done for getting yourself and your child away from him to a safe place.

I understand that reporting to the police feels like a big step but I hope you decide to do it.

You can find lots of helpful information here
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse

As for housing, you could contact any council and make a homeless application. You will be eligible despite owning a property because it's not safe for you to be there while he is also there. Be aware that you will need to provide evidence of the domestic abuse (not initially but as part of the process); your medical records may suffice but it would be helpful to have reported to the police as well.

See england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_domestic_abuse

Lastly, you can find your local Women's Aid or equivalent here www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

IrishMel · 10/10/2021 20:03

Please also keep a diary with dates and times and list all that he has done to you so you have for future reference. Take one thing at a time, reporting this is the first thing, ring for advise from women's aid, citizens information etc. Some really good advise on here and get legal aid which will also help you. Try not to overthink as it is amazing that you will get the strength to do all of it and do not listen to his excuses as he has shown you who he is, you have done nothing wrong. You are a very good strong mother who is putting her children and your safety first. Be kind to yourself.

SmartCar · 10/10/2021 20:04

Also if you don't go to the police and have record what are you going to do about him having access to DC? Would you trust him on his own with them?
You can claim benefits while owning a house but you won't get anything towards morgate. If you sell the house and have savings over 16,000 you'll not get any benefits.

Barton10 · 10/10/2021 20:05

Report him, he will be bailed and not allowed anywhere near you. He will get worse please don’t let him get away with this. My experiences with the domestic abuse team at the police station were really good and I was referred to a local charity for counselling. They are used to men lying and will deal with it. You need to protect yourself and your baby. I was given a HA house after my assault.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 10/10/2021 20:14

The police will arrest him and give him bail conditions not to stay at the house for 28 days. That will give you time to apply for an occupation order and non molestation order (the police should signpost you for these but if not mumsnet can help)
You can apply for benefits but they won't help with housing costs.
Do you have a job? Maternity pay?

Regularsizedrudy · 10/10/2021 20:17

Please report him to the police. It’s not your word against his as you have a burst ear drum to show for it! Protect yourself and protect your child.

CliffsofMohair · 10/10/2021 20:17

@category12

Love, the police will believe the person with the burst eardrum and marks over the person with none.
Jesus this in a nutshell. You poor thing. If that’s a first incident he’s capable of extreme violence. It generally only escalates.

💐 for you. You’ve done extremely well to get away in the first instance. Police, Marac, Women’s Aid.

Willowowisp · 10/10/2021 20:17

UC does not take into account your own home so you can apply. As a victim of DV there are extra provisions in UC ( basically the requirement to work is temp relaxed). You can also get legal aid as a DV victim which will be needed for custody.

Embracelife · 10/10/2021 20:18

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.
You report it to police Then see solicitor You get occupation order to stay in the hpuse He leaVes

Did you hit him? Is he bruised?