DP punched me in the head... What next?

[Sparklespangle]

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

[Moonface123]

Go to the police, tell them what happened, they will speak to him, hopefully arrest and charge him with assault. If they charge him it is likely he won't be allowed back into the house. That will probably be one of his bail conditions, and if he breaches that he will be re arrested, and put in custody.
This man is a danger to you and your child, you need to act now to ensure a safer future for the two of you.
It will all work out regarding housing and money, I know women who have left men with nothing more than the shirt on their back and they made it.
If you speak to the police, and women's aid they will be able to guide you on what to do next. Good luck.

[beigebrownblue]

Yes, would second Independent Domestic Violence Advisor. Or a women's refuge.

I'm really sorry to say this, but who trusts the police these days?

I'm sorry this happened.

[MrsSkylerWhite]

What next?

Can read how shocked and upset you are but you really don’t need to wait for answers, do you?

Police than appointment with solicitor.

[Wife2b]

Of course you should report it, that should not be up for debate OP. It’s important this is on record! Have a look for women’s aid in your area, they should be able to offer you some advice and signpost you in the right direction.

[Flumo]

Go to the police, social services will get involved because of the children but they will help you out massive. I've been in this situation (thankfully we didn't own a house though) and beileve me he will do it again! I had a lot of help from the womens aid in my town and they were absolutely stars. Hope you get it sorted so sorry your going though this :(

[doodleygirl]

Please OP, report to the police. He punched you whilst holding your baby, how much lower can he sink? The next punch may well be fatal.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

OP, it actually doesn't matter even if you did hit him first. He struck you in the head hard enough to burst your eardrum and cause bruising.

Of course it isn't your word against his. The evidence is right there in the form of your horrific injuries. He can hardly claim you fell down the stairs, or that he was acting in self defence when the injuries he's caused are as excessive as that.

Please, please, please, report him. He could have killed you. Yes - he seriously good, and his assault on you was that serious. It might even qualify as GBH.

Please don't minimise this, and for your own safety, you need to ensure you are never in a room alone with him again.

I'm so, so sorry

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Sorry - that was meant to read 'seriously COULD'. Not good. There is absolutely nothing good about this shocking story.

[goodbyestranger]

Next is a downward spiral of violence and misery unless you stop the spiral yourself. Call the police.

[EvilPea]

Op you need that police report to get assistance with either getting your house back (ideally) being housed.
Even if you did hit him first (I don’t believe you did, but even if), he perforated your eardrum.

[GotBeatenUp]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

Not RTFT.

@Sparklespangle, Contact Woman's Aid. It is domestic violence and ABH. Please report it. Make sure you have all the details written down before you give the statement.

Get medical proof of your injuries.



Not particularly relevant but I did not give a statement when XP beat me up.. He would have lied through his teeth. I wish I had because the man was a monster.

[whynotwhatknot]

You need the police report so you can qualify for legal aid and belive me you'll need it or you wont get far court costs thousands

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Please report him. He is scum for hitting you whilst holding your baby and he deserves to be held to account for what he did to you.

[CallmeHendricks]

You're hardly likely to have perforated your own eardrum, are you?
You have medical evidence.
Please report him; this isn't going to improve on its own and you need official backup.

[CaveMum]

Sweetheart, he hit you whilst you were holding your child. What if he had caused you to drop him and cause him injury? You can’t risk this happening again and you need to protect yourself and your child.

I understand that it is so scary to think about leaving, but the consequences if you do not don’t bear thinking about. If you go back you will be telling him that you are ok with him physically abusing you and he will do it again, and again and may well escalate to even more serious injury or turn on your child.

Report him to the Police. Take photos of your injuries and save them somewhere secure.

Have a look at filling out a DASH risk assessment before you go to the Police. All Police services are trained to recognise it and it will help you to document what is happening with the right questions - www.dashriskchecklist.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/V-DASH-2010-2015.pdf

Please keep yourself safe.

[Learningtobeafeministagain]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

Report it to the police - why should they believe him over you - trust in the process

[goodbyestranger]

To be fair, it is quite hard to trust in the process.

[itsallgoingpearshaped]

Please go to the police. It's the advice you would give to your own children, no? Report him.

[EarthSight]

@Sparklespangle

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

Go to the police now and get your bruises reported and photographed. You will need this in the event of a custody battle. So sorry this happened to you after 12 years. It must be a very confusing and distressing time.

Don't go home ever again if you can avoid it. If you approach the house, even when you think he's not there or he's at work, you MUST have someone with you, preferably more than one person, preferably at least one of them should be male, and ideally a police officer. It's really not safe for you there and it's best if you get other people to pick up your stuff.

You say it was out of the blue, but was it during an argument? Has he ever blocked your doorway before? Pushed past you? Screamed right in front of your face? Elbowed you? Drugs? Alcohol? If you're not ready to talk about that that's fine, but I'm trying to understand him so that other posters learn more about what can often preclude a violent incident (so they can recognise them early enough to get out). Often there is some sort of lead up, such as 'pretend' playfighting and other bullshitery.

[JanglyBeads]

You are also free to ring women’s aid if you’re not sure what you want to do next - they won’t try and pressure you into anything.

They will however clearly explain potential risks with various courses of action.

[neeenor]

Police will come and see you.
Photograph injuries and will speak to you about making a statement (your choice)
He'll likely be arrested or interviewed
They may ask for medical consent for notes from GP relating to the injury
They'll make a decision based on evidence about if they can seek a prosecution
They can offer you safeguarding and support / signpost you to civil injunctions that will help to keep you safe

I'd strongly recommend you report this - it's not their first rodeo and they professional investigators - they've heard both sides of a story once or twice before. It also gives them a chance to keep you safe.

If you really can't face reporting this then please reach out to a DV charity and work with them on safeguarding yourself and sorting the practicalities of somewhere to stay etc. they'll also be able to help you with any civil court / injunctions you may need - this could include removing him from the house (physically) until it's sold or alternative arrangements made.

[TatianaBis]

As you’ve done the GP, you need to report to the police tomorrow, then you can get an emergency non molestation order for free from the NCDV within 24 hours. You need a recent report or threat of violence.

You may be able to get an occupation order for the house, so he would have to be the one to leave.

Call them the NCDV tomorrow:

www.ncdv.org.uk/ 0800 970 2070

[Benjispruce4]

Report to police. So sorry. Are you happy to have him near your children??

[Sparklespangle]

Thank you everyone, sincerely, you have been the wake up call I needed.

I will ring the police and women's aid in the morning.

I feel stronger with you all behind me. I realise it's not my word against his because I have injuries (twat)

We will stay with my parents and see if we can get some housing, I will also investigate benefits and getting back into work.

I can do this. I will do this.

[Sparklespangle]

Also it would be great if the popping and buzzing in my ear went away. It is literally a constant reminder!