DP punched me in the head... What next?

[Sparklespangle]

This happened a few days ago and I have been at my parents house since

DP and I argued, during the argument he punched me hard in the side of the head, perforating my ear drum and bruising my face. I was rocking ds to sleep at the time so couldn't defend myself. He has never hit me before, we have been together 12 years and this was totally out of the blue.

Anyway, I gave no idea what I am supposed to do now. We joint own the house so I assume I won't be able to get any assistance with housing?
I have no money as dp is the sole wage earner and doles out the money each month. Again I don't expect I'll get benefits because of the house?

We are really overcrowded at my parents (4 adults and 2 children in a 3 bed) I really don't want to have to go home while he is there but I don't have a choice do I?

Feeling lost and scared this evening.

[HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime]

He has been physically and financially abusive and probably emotionally when you start digging in to your past relationship.

Once you've contacted the police - and you'll want to do this as it has a bearing on future contact and legal fees. And applied for Universal credit, child benefit and child maintenance, then contact women's aid for further advice. Don't go home until he has left other wise you'll find it hard to leave him, hell start gaslighting you. If you have school aged children as well as the baby, ring them and let them know your staying at your parents due to DV (you won't be the only person, it's depressingly common) if your children will be missing school for a bit.

[TheChip]

My neighbour got her house through the council after owning previous one with her husband. I dont know the ins and outs but I assumed it was likely DV related for her to have got the council house.
She used divorce money to do the house up completely, so having money didn't seem to be an issue either.

Women's aid will be good call for info on what your next steps should be. But I agree with everyone else, you must report it. Even if it is your word against his, doesn't change the fact that it should be reported.
You had your child on your arms, what if you moved and your child was the one struck?
For that reason alone it needs reporting.

[RandomMess]

Please please please report. He burst your ear drum!! He hit you whilst holding your baby.

Do you want him to have unsupervised contact to your DC?

Leaving abuse means you can claim housing benefit for rented so long as you are progressing the divorce/getting an occupation order in the house.

[Bancha]

Please report him to the police OP. You don’t have to agree to be a witness, but having the incident recorded would help you when it comes to care arrangements of your child(ren). If you have to go to court over contact/shared care, you will want there to be some evidence of this incident.

I’m so sorry this has happened. You have done the right thing, protecting yourself and your child. He is lucky to have you as his mum. Sending strength to you

[HatsOnHatsOff]

Definitely don't go home report it to the police and get come advice from womens aid. What an absolute trauma for you, stay safe and take very good care of yourself. Sending massive hugs.

[hiredandsqueak]

Our local housing department has a domestic abuse support worker who will help with getting housing for women fleeing domestic abuse. Contact the housing department nearest your parents and ask if they have similar.

[Sparklespangle]

I know everyone is right. I should go to the police but I'm scared. Does anyone know what will happen? What will the police say and do?

[GoWalkabout]

You might need this to be recorded by the police for future legal reasons, please do it.

[CornishTiger]

Firstly you need to report this. You need to have it evidenced. You can do this via 101.

It’s important to do this so you can access legal aid in the future.

You can apply to the court for an occupation order and a non molesation order. This will mean you can return home.

If you really feel you can’t return to family home then you can apply to your local council for homelessness assistance as you are fleeing DV. They will decide whether to accept you for temp accommodation whilst everything is looked at. Housing benefit will need to be claimed for temp accommodation ( martial home to be declared and disregarded)

You can apply for Universal credit as you are separated. You will have the property disregarded for a period of time to give you time to sell/ realise your share of the asset. You can also receive housing costs ( through UC) towards rented accommodation whilst you go through the process of sorting martial home.

Are you getting child benefit. If not claim it.

[Whenigrowupiwanttobea]

You still need to report this to the Police. I had similar with my exH. I was advised to report everything to the Police which I did. They then had a catalogue of all the incidents which proved to be a useful tool in our divorce. He tried to deny the violence and was shocked when my solicitor was able to present to the Court the list of all the stuff he had done and all the times when the Police came and removed him!!! So often when things like this escalate you hear the woman being asked "has he done this before?" or "why did you not report it?". It strengthens your case and the Police's case too. Take photos of the bruising as well.

[Sparklespangle]

Thank you everyone for all the services to contact. I am making a list and will get on to them tomorrow.

[smartiecake]

You must report it. It may be your word against his but the police will believe you lovely, not him. Please report him. For you and for your child. He has caused you physical injury. It needs reporting.

[Quartz2208]

You need to at least log it with the police (and tell them everything even though this is the first physically violent attack there looks I think to be some financial abuse etc as well)

Then contact womens aid and get legal advice regarding your entitlements to stuff including the house

[Sadmummy7]

Report to the police, call women's aid and ask for an idva. Ask them to refer you onto Marac. Report the assault to children's services also and inform them you've left. Doesn't matter if its your word against his, you need a record of reporting it. Go onto entitledto and see if you're eligible for UC, I would seriously be getting a non molestation order served to him also so he can't harass you.

[CornishTiger]

Realistically what will happen is Police will take a statement from you and then interview him. If he admits it they might charge him. It’s not likely to get to court though with him admitting it and without evidence- so possibly a caution. Police could also put a DVPN in place which will give you time to deal with a non molesation order.

Please don’t be scared and do nothing. That’s what he is relying on. Your 12 year old needs to be shown what is strong and capable.

[PearLime]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

You don't have to go to court OP, but reporting to the police so they have a record of what has happened will help you in case of any escalation of violence in the future. It will also show him you mean business, and aren't scared. The police are good at dealing with this sort of thing these days. They're there to help you. They will be used to men saying the women has hit them first (and be wise to it).

Violate escalates when you have kids, so although this seems out of the blue it's actually a recognised pattern of behaviour for abusers.

Have you spoken to women's aid? Give them a call. They can help with legal advice, and practical matters such as getting your things from the house, what to do about joint bills and joint bank accounts etc.

Speak to a solicitor about the house. He could buy you out of your half, or you can force him to sell the house so you get your share of it.

Either way do not go back. You have left and that's the hardest part.

Don't believe anything he says from now on. Don't believe it when he says it was your fault. Don't believe it when he says he can change. Don't believe it when he says he is just stressed or depressed. Don't believe it when he says he loves you. Don't believe it when he says you can't parent your child alone. Don't believe it when he says no one else will want you. It's all just bullshit to get you to go back.

[MargosKaftan]

Please report to the police. Please. Thats step one. Call woman's aid as step two, they should be able to advise re the house and what benefits you are entitled to / if you can force a sale.

[CornishTiger]

Sorry I misread that your child was 12.

[Aposterhasnoname]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

So it’s not your word against his. There’s actual physical evidence it happened.

[Rainbowqueeen]

As others have said Dv is a factor that is taken into account when allocating bands for council housing and which also allow you to get legal aid for custody/ division of assets. So please reconsider your position here. It could make a huge difference to your life moving forward. It can also impact how contact with your DS is arranged
Put in a claim for cms
Put in a claim for benefits
Speak to shelter and women’s aid.
Set up an email address to use for contact with your ex. Use that only so that everything is in writing. Will he buy you out of the house?
Be kind to yourself. You have done the right thing. Chances are that the violence would have escalated

[BrilloPaddy]

I can't imagine for one second that your parents are going to support you in going back to him after such horrific violence.

I'd lock my DD in the house rather than let this happen.

Please report him. He's a danger to you.

[madroid]

@Sparklespangle I'm sorry to say it does depend partly on which police station you go to.

The larger, urban stations will have a dedicated domestic violence officer and they are usually great. Hopefully any officer will be sympathetic and sensitive. There might be a domestic violence charity that could provide a trained volunteer to go with you.

If you really can't face it, go back to your GP and tell them everything that happened, and any other (financial, emotional) abuse.

There is a push to remove the perpetrator not the victim from a house, but it depends if you would feel safe to live there. You would need a non-molestation order to ensure he did not try to enter the house.

The house is half yours if you are married. He will have to pay child maintenance if he is employed. You can get universal credit, even at your parents' home.

I'm sorry to say, that other posters are right, it's unlikely to be a one-off. It's very common for men to start abusive behaviour after a child is born, or to escalate pre-existing behaviour.

It's a hard thing to go through, and this is the worst time, but you will come through this and life will get much much better. You are not alone.

[PissedOffNeighbour22]

@Sparklespangle

I don't think I will report it because it's my word against his and he will tell them I hit him first (he told his sister this it isn't true). I saw the GP because my hearing has gone funny which is how I found out my eardrum has burst.

Please report it. I didn't report my assault by my ex husband and I wish I did. He convinced me I'd just look ridiculous in front of the police as I was in such a state afterwards.
He then rushed around his family and colleagues telling them all about how I hit him .
He's caused you actual harm, even as you were holding a baby. He deserves all he gets.
My ex hadn't hit me in the previous 15yrs either. It's not an excuse for his behaviour.

[GettingItOutThere]

report this immediately. what happens if he turns on your child?

then its your word against his because you didnt report it - you havent protected your child or yourself. do it tonight.

you should be more afraid of not reporting it

[Strugglingtodomybest]

I'm not surprised you're feeling lost and scared OP, that was shocking to read so I can't imagine how shocking it was to you.

Please Google for your local domestic abuse service, they will have a helpline number you can call where you will be able to chat in confidence to someone who can offer you advice with no pressure to call the police if you don't want to.

Good luck