I’m so upset but I don’t know if I’m overreacting and being a drama queen. My boyfriend of a year really shocked me this morning. We went out last night and had a few drinks. I’m on my period and in the moment last night felt that we could take the risk of not using a condom (I’m not on any other contraception). This morning I felt that I’d been a little unwise and although it’s low risk at this time in my cycle it’s not a risk I wanted to take so I said I wanted to use a condom. He got one out ready but when it came to it he said he wanted to start without one. I agreed but reminded him that I did want to use one. Then a few minutes later he said he was going to cum. I froze as I didn’t expect this would happen and I didn’t object. After he came I felt quite upset. Straight away I said I’d wanted to use a condom and he said I was ok without one a few hours before. I was really quiet and he realised how upset I was. He’s been really apologetic and acknowledged that consent at one time does not equal consent in a different situation.
However, I’m so shaken. I feel really panicky and tearful. I’m on my own tonight and I can’t get my breath. I’m so upset this has happened but I feel guilty for being arsey about it.
There is a history of experiences during past relationships of being coerced into sex and my boundaries not being respected. But probably no more than what most other women have experienced.
I feel ashamed at being so upset and worried that I am being over dramatic. I’m tired so maybe after a good sleep I’ll feel better.
Prior to this my bf has always been extremely respectful and understood and agreed with all my feminist leanings so this seems out of character.
I’m not sure why I am posting but I just need to get this out there as I don’t have anyone else I can share this with right now. I would be grateful for any thoughts about whether I should just put this to the back of my mind and get on with things or is this a dealbreaker?