He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

Why on earth would you want to marry him?

You know the easiest way to lose weight very quickly, @Spidermum2 -LTB.

Orr. You lose weight because you want to
If he proposes you say no
Then dump him anyway and find someone a zillion times nicer

Really, really hope you work full time and haven’t made ANY work compromises since having DC that your DP hasn’t also made. If you have, or work PT, change that asap.

I have v low opinions of men who won’t marry their partners who are mothers of their DC (assuming the partners want marriage).

Your DP has been naked about his lack of regard for you. Nasty.

He does know people are the same on the inside when they lose or gain weight?

I'm 7 stone overweight. My dh was honest when I pushed him and he said I wasn't as physically attractive to him anymore but if I hadn't have pushed it, he wouldn't have said anything. He's never made me feel like I'm worth less and would never, ever humiliate me like your dp did. That was a really cruel thing he did. I hope you realise you deserve so much more than that.

Just Get Rid.

he humiliated you in front of a friend , it doesnt matter if he was somehow thinking this was trying to help you to spur you on to lose weight , its wrong . , but only you can lose that weight , no one else can somehow force you too , the will has to come from you , a stone isnt exactly a lot in my opinion .
i would be honestly thinking about ending the relationship . hes putting conditions on you , your ok to live with , but he doesnt want to tie himself to you with a wedding ring until your the perfect weight for him is what it boils down to , that would make me so fucking resentful personally ,

i hate conditions , they are a form of blackmail i think

Have you quizzed him about why he is saying this, OP?

What if you lose weight, get married, and then you gain weight again? Will he divorce you?

I'm sure you know this but marrying someone based on their weight is not really workable - in 10 years time you could be twice the weight you are now, or half. People change through their lives.

If your partner isn't capable of seeing this and doesn't appreciate who you are inside, then he's really not a keeper. I would run a mile at a comment like that.

Wow. He needs to know he spoke well out if line and that a proposal from him is not some kind of reward for confirming to his expectations.

I would be minded to tell him, whatever your weight, your acceptance of his proposal, or indeed a proposal to him from you, depends totally on him showing you the courtesy and respect you expect from your life partner and father of your children.

Have you asked him if he's ever wondered why you haven't proposed to him? He needs to feel a bit rattled and jolted out of his complacency. Two can judge!

What a crappy human being he is.
Why would you want to marry him at any weight

A true prince among men.

OMMFG!

My DH proposed to me within 9 months of our starting dating, I was seriously overweight 15 & a half stone.

Almost 30 years later I am 7 stone 6lbs having lost it all and kept it off over 16 years ago.

I lost it because I wanted to, not because a man told me to!

Get rid ASAP of this arse wipe, what a shitty wanker.

That’s an awful thing to say. You deserve better. Leave him.

DO NOT marry this man

Ooooh and let me guess - he is stunningly handsome with the body of a Greek god! No?? ......... hmmmmmmmm

Thanks everyone. Glad to know I’m not over reacting. He’s made me feel so shitty. Like I’m good enough as a girlfriend, but nothing more. It’s made it hard to imagine carrying on with him knowing what he thinks of me

How awful. Have my first mumsnet LTB.

Having kids is way more of a commitment than getting married! Why did he agree to that?

I'd dump his sorry arse.

That’s not ok at all.

I think you know the answer here.

Bollock him for being so disrespectful, then tell him you're happy to lose all his dead weight and he can fuck off.

Unless he sincerely apologises and understands what an arsehole he was, then get rid.

Easy to say this from my end, I understand, but you cannot let this pass.

If it was me I would have ripped him a new one fairly quickly and made it clear that I was considering whether I needed him in my life.

Do not let his attitude wear you down so you think you deserve this type of behaviour.

On its own, his comment, just 6 months post birth and in front of your friend was bad and seems intended to humiliate.

You need to confront him about it and if he is not immediately and genuinely apologetic with no excuses, consider if you will accept that from him.

I'd have a chat with him about how he made me feel in front of my friend and also get to the bottom of why he's said it - ie does the way you look really bother him, or is it more to give you the incentive to lose weight for yourself (not for him!). You've been good enough to have a relationship with for nine years and given him two lovely children, so I understand if you feel hurt in any way.