He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

@Pinkbonbon genius

@Boredmotherofone it was a joke.

She's obviously not going to do that.

Please, please, please leave this vile man.

You don't kick someone up the arse if you want to be helpful. That is 1900's history lesson stuff.

You nurture them, especially if you want to spend your life with them.

Prepare to be metaphorically beaten if you stay with this man. EA.

Get your ducks in a row. Lose a stone in weight. Ensure you have a support network.

Then it's simple, LEAVE THE BASTARD!!!

Be the best you for you!

One day you will find a man that truly deserves you. You are worth so much more than your current partner!

He sounds vile. Please don't marry him.

He also sounds like he thinks an awful lot of himself.

What happens if you then put the weight back on, or even more and can’t lose if that easily? Would think twice about accepting any proposal from him.

Is he Brad friggin Pitt?

Has he said this as a joke?

It's not funny.

Nothing about this conversation makes him appear marriable.

That was an incredibly shitty thing to say and even more so as your friend was there. How dare he speak to you like that and humiliate you in front of someone else? Why is it all down to him anyway? Maybe there are things about him that you don't like. Try mentioning a few of these next time you are in a similar situation and see how he likes it. That way, he might just find out how you feel.

I would dump him, he is obviously more concerned about your looks than your personality. Also red flag for coercive control.

Please tell us you have a plan to get away from this dreadful man.

@Spidermum2 - how have things gone this weekend for you? I honestly hope that you're going to kick this bloke to touch and have nothing more to do with him. I was reading some of the previous posts on this thread and saw someone ask "Context?" - to be fair there is no context that a comment like the one you heard is acceptable or even warranted.
I'm not wanting to pry but if you're having sex with this guy please PLEASE look after yourself and your reproductive rights. Please ensure that you're not going to end up having a child with him because if you do get pregnant, you're handcuffing yourself to him for a very very long time.

Dump him.

Bad enough he's said it before. Utterly appalling he said it in front of anyone. He demeaned and belittled you in front of an audience....

Lose the weight for your own health benefits. But lose him for your self esteem and mental health. If he truly loved you then he would support you in different ways

So we had a talk last night. I told him how hurt I feel and that if that’s how he really feels then I don’t want to be with him. He said it has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, it’s because he knows how self conscious I’d be getting married in front of people due to the weight gain and how he knows I’d want to look my best. Kind of feel like he has put words into my mouth as I don’t complain to him about the way I look or the weight gain. This is definitely more about him and how I’d embarrass him.

Can i just point out that you are a human being and not a dress size?

Oh Op, that seems to make it even worse (if that were possible). So sorry he's such a horrible person. You really do deserve much better.

OP,
You sound like a lovely bright woman.

Too bright to fall for his bullshit.

I can well imagine your friend was stunned and concerned.

He is not good enough for you.

I really hope you continue to see that.

I would not be making vows to a man of his character.

He has shown you who he is.
Believe him.

He said it has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, it’s because he knows how self conscious I’d be getting married in front of people due to the weight gain and how he knows I’d want to look my best.

Da fuq?

I think you've got it right about this being about him.

Don't let the length of your relationship hold you back from a more satisfying life. Seriously. There are men out there who are worthy of you. You don't have to settle for this guy.

@Spidermum2

So we had a talk last night. I told him how hurt I feel and that if that’s how he really feels then I don’t want to be with him. He said it has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, it’s because he knows how self conscious I’d be getting married in front of people due to the weight gain and how he knows I’d want to look my best. Kind of feel like he has put words into my mouth as I don’t complain to him about the way I look or the weight gain. This is definitely more about him and how I’d embarrass him.

Glad you recognise his intentions. How crap. I'm so sorry

Disgusting man. Don't hang around a second longer.

You are only 1 stone over! He is a total arse.

If you were 10 stone over and going up then I could understand.

He said it has nothing to do with the way he feels about me, it’s because he knows how self conscious I’d be getting married in front of people due to the weight gain and how he knows I’d want to look my best.

That's kind of obnoxiously patronizing even if it were genuine. And if it is genuine, how he said it in front of a friend was really clumsy. Seems unlikely.