He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

After 9 years and 2 DC I'd question whether he is ever going to want to get married. I wouldn't be holding out for this and I'd be careful if becoming a SAHM in your circumstances.

It's not unreasonable to be concerned about a partners weight and health but to say something like this in front of other people is cruel.

Obviously I'm not there, I don't have the full picture but what you are telling doesn't paint a good one

I'd be heartbroken if my partner said that to me, let alone 6 months after having his 2nd child.
I'm afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me. What a dick.

He is absolutely awful. To say that in private to you is bad enough, but to humiliate you in front of your friend is appalling.

Just how much of an Adonis is your partner? Lemme guess, at best he's average-looking and not the fantastic catch he believes he is?

God almighty
What a heartless little shit!
I'd be kicking his arse out the door.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Did he not buy you any flowers when you had your dc 6 months ago 🙁.

Whatever else you do please please please get yourself a nice big bunch of flowers next time your at supermarket.

Sod the flowers!

Respect from a partner and father of the children is the worth far more than flowers.

The update about you being 6 months PP and ONE stone heavier than you'd like to be. He's a bigger arsehole than I first thought.

Urgh this is horrible, so sorry. And a stone 6 months after giving birth is nothing and even if it was what a horrible comment. Sounds like he tried to humiliate you i front of your friend. Probably because she asked when he was actually going to marry you. Instead of actually giving an answer he chose to insult you and humiliate you.

Very cruel to say that OP I’m sorry

He sounds awful.

Why did your friend ask though? A very personal question with no great answer possible. Not defending the ops partner but these type of questions are thoughtless and risky,

Massive red flag. I wouldn’t marry him OP. You deserve so much better.

Horrible. He’s the one who should shape up, in his attitude to you.

Bloody hell. That’s shitty on so many levels. He’s no intention of marrying you, you know that, and he’s also putting you down. What a horrible little man he is.

This is awful, I'd feel upset at that comment.

What are you thinking now, OP?

So his love and acceptance of you comes with T’s & C’s.
You had a baby 6 months ago and you are 1 stone overweight. That is nothing at all, but I think you already realise that.
Seriously I’d fuck him right off, he sounds absolutely vile.

I had one like that. I married someone else.

Wow. Don't accept that ring. He should love you the way you are. What a cock.

You literally had a baby 6 months ago and only one stone over weight.

Honestly, he's scum.

And what happens in future if you put on weight? Divorce? And what is he saying about your weight now ? Youre good enough to make do with but not a keeper?

Ditch his arse.

So you’re good enough to shag & bear his kids, but not enough to commit to? Bollocks to that. How much of the housework etc do you do? How much of the rent & bills do you pay?

How cruel to say that in front of your friend!

Get yourself into a mindset of high enough self respect, that you don't want someone who would say something like that to even propose to you anyway

It's very hard to keep weight off so even if you went ahead and lost it you're in for a life of paranoia, restriction and standing on the scales every 5 minutes, feeling worthless if you gain half a pound.

No thanks.

You could lose a man sized amount of weight very quickly
By packing his stuff and kicking him out!

Never understand why people buy a house together and have children together but make a big deal out of ‘getting married’.

He can tie his finances to you and have sex with you but not been seen next to you at the altar because of your size?

Dump him.