He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

What did your friend say?

What a bastard!

Damn.

What a unforgivable thing to say.
That would be a deal breaker for me.

@thecognoscenti I totally agree , he was way out of line and the op wouldn't be over reacting if she ended things
But op , do you need to lose weight ? Dump the man by all means but look after yourself and your health x

Thanks for everyone’s comments. To answer a few questions, my weight doesn’t affect my health at all. No health issues. We have been together 9 years, live together and have 2 children. Friend didn’t say anything at the time, I could sense she felt a bit awkward but after she left she text me to see how I was. Overall, the relationship I thought was ok. But now obviously I’m having doubts about everything.

Hopefully you’re working and your name is on the tenancy/mortgage.

He sounds absolutely vile.

Are you overweight OP? Do you complain about your weight and always say you're going on a diet etc? Or are you a normal weight and happy?

I'm only trying to be devil's advocate here. But to say you need to lose weight in front of your friend was unacceptable.

So at the weight you are now you are good enough to live with and have children with but not good enough to marry🙁. When was the last time he brought you a bunch of flowers?

I don't often say this. But you need to LTB.

He said it in front of your friend. He doesn't respect you.

I agree with the others saying you could lose between 11 - 15 stone straight away by getting rid of him. That is a terrible mindset to have and to be bringing children up in.
Better to lose his narrowmindedness and be happy with who you are right now that to put yourself through months of unhappiness trying to become someone you're not for someone else.

@nc8765

Are you overweight OP? Do you complain about your weight and always say you're going on a diet etc? Or are you a normal weight and happy?

I'm only trying to be devil's advocate here. But to say you need to lose weight in front of your friend was unacceptable.

Are you the OP’s partner? The OP’s weight is not the subject of this thread. And saying it at all was unacceptable, in front of friend or not. In a way, it’s good he said it in front of OP’s friend as now she has someone who sees what he is like.

Lose a quick useless 12 stone by dumping him. How dare he be so rude to you? What else have you been happily putting up with because I doubt this is the only example of shit behaviour?

That is a really shitty thing to say and in front of your friend, really not being motivational just a prize wanker

Is there a backstory in terms of have you been saying you want to lose weight, or that you'd lose weight for a wedding?

It sounds like he's being an unreasonable arse though. That's such a horrid thing to say, particularly if it's out of the blue.

What a piece of shit. You're good enough to play the 'wife' role, have kids with and live with, but not good enough to marry? I'd fuck him right off. What a nasty arsehole.

What?! That's terrible. Never marry him.

He either loves you or he doesn't. If he loves you then it shouldn't matter whether you're 9st or 29st! How bloody shallow

This does not smack of unconditional love. I do not agree with the PP who say it might be misguided concern. Has he suggested a joint health kick, researched meal plans? Thought not. He is belittling you and humiliating you. This is not a man who will have your back through menopause, illness or aging.

According to bmi, I am 1 stone heavier than I should be. I don’t complain as I am fairly happy with how I look. I know being 1 stone heavier than I should is not ideal, but in time I will focus on losing it. @ThisIsStartingToBoreMe I can’t remember the last time he bought me any.

WTF have I just read.

He’s be straight out of the door

Just to add, I had DC2 only 6 months ago

He sounds a nasty piece of work, humiliating you in front of your friend. I'm not sure I could forgive that.

Have you spoken to him about his comment?

Oh, I am so sorry.

He is not a decent person.

If he wanted to marry you, your weight would be irrelevant. He just doesn’t want to marry you and he’s told you so in a way that has made it seem your fault, and in front of a friend. It was a supremely shitty thing to say.