He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

This just gets worse and worse.

So you've not long had HIS baby and are only slightly overweight?!

He's a massive dickhead. What a horrible thing to say.

Are you genuinely trying to lose weight? Because many people dont want to be brides until they can be at their slimmest. If that's a discussion you have had it if he knows you hate being photographed at your current size then I would have just taken it as a little tactless but fair enough as it was a goal you were already working towards.

But if you are happy at your weight and had no idea he expected you to lose it before a wedding then yeah, he is a massive dick and the only weight you should lose I'd him.

This not someone to be in a relationship with never mind married too.

That really is rude and cruel of him.
What else is going on in your relationship?
Do you rent? own a house together?

Your friend messaged you to ask if you were OK. If I were that friend, I'd be thinking you need to leave him.

Absolute arse!!!!

Only time I'd say it would be remotely appropriate to expect a partner to lose weight before marriage would be of it was affecting their lifestyle to the point you couldn't do things together. Or if the person wasn't healthy enough to have DC and that would be a dealbreaker to the DP.

Obviously none of that applies to you. He's a prick

Ps even in the above scenario it should be a sensitive, private conversations. Not a bitchy dig in front of friends

You had a baby, his baby 6 months ago and he said that? In front of your friend? Horrendous, just awful. I'm so sorry op. You deserve better.

A stone? 6 months pp? Fuck me.

Is he a perfect weight? Not that it matters a jot.

How cruel, as a sentiment and to humiliate you in front of your friend.

Did he not buy you any flowers when you had your dc 6 months ago 🙁.

Whatever else you do please please please get yourself a nice big bunch of flowers next time your at supermarket.

He’s a twat. I can’t believe he said that about the mother of his two children, one of them born so recently.

He's a pig. Don't marry him. You do know you may always be a stone overweight now? 2 kids and ten years older than when you met - it's unusual for a woman not to be heavier. He's an absolute arsehole.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Did he not buy you any flowers when you had your dc 6 months ago 🙁.

Whatever else you do please please please get yourself a nice big bunch of flowers next time your at supermarket.

Is this a thing? Are men supposed to buy us flowers when we have a baby? They're just an extra hassle to think about, surely?

Yeah, I'd be losing 11 stone quick sharp. This isn't OK op .

An old friend of mine had the same thing going on. She lost weight and they got married but I always wondered what she saw in him. If you’re only good enough to become his wife after you meet a certain looks standard I wouldn’t want him in my life if I were you.

A stone is nothing ☹️ What a horrible thing for him to say.

My other half proposed to me a couple of years ago, we should have been married this year but postponed because of Covid. Since Jan I have lost nearly 4st - I look back at old photos now and hate how I look, however I’ll never forget that he loved me anyway. That’s how it should be, you deserve better.

Yeah, I was never given anything when I gave birth. I thought the baby was the prize.

Just read your updates. You're entitled to be a little heavier, you just had his friggin baby! What a vein, empty pos he is. You're basically just a trophy woman in his eyes, your value tied to your appearance. In 9 years and after mothering his children he still doesn't feel anything more for you than that.

Side not though, if not being married is part of the issue: its seems pretty clear he does not want to marry you if you're 9 years and 2 children in. I mean, not saying it cant happen but...

Honestly op o think if you look back you'll see other examples of his inability to care. Perhaps, always prioritising his wants over your needs. Or not caring for you when you are sick. Taking huffs, silent treatment ect...

should have dumped him the first time he said it

You're a stone over at 6 months pp and he says stuff like this? Don't marry him. He's a useless tosser. Just get rid, you deserve better.

He means it. Leave him. My ex was like this and refused any type of commitment (including babies) until I lost weight. My friends were on at me to leave him for years until I did. I wish id not wasted those years on him, there were red flags from the beginning. I'd put on weight through an awful period of bereavement and very bad PCOS.

*vain

It's a ploy. He's found an excuse not to propose. It wouldn't matter whether you lost weight or not. He doesn't want to marry you.

What an absolute prick.

I'm so sorry. I think you need to reevaluate your relationship - I appreciate that with a very you d baby that will be hard. But don't let this ride.

Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

This one.

You need to talk to him. Ask him why he said it, and is that really the only reason? Then base any future decisions on his response. If he really is that shallow, then I would seriously wonder if this relationship had a future.

Also, a stone overweight is hardly a dealbreaker.