He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

Wow, not only did he say it, but he said it in front of someone else. Bin.

One stone is nothing, especially as you recently had a baby.

It’s made it hard to imagine carrying on with him knowing what he thinks of me

You shouldn't. What he said/did is abusive.

^I would say to him

'you might not want to propose to me now while I'm carrying this extra weight, but plenty will do once I've lost it!'^

It's one stone, when 60% of women (67% of men) are overweight, so probably most are bigger than OP. Plenty wouuld have no issues with a new partner being one stone overweight (especially as she just had a baby this year.) Not that what men think is particularly important, anyway.

I'm committing the cardinal sin of not RTFT here but one stone? Seriously, one pissing stone?

What an absolute arsehole. Please think about ending things - you deserve so much better than this.

Your worth isn't defined by your weight. He's been extremely unkind. Kindness should be in the top 3 requirements for a life partner. Don't settle for this, you're worth a lot more.

What an awful thing to say, and in front of your friend.

You've just carried a child for 9 months, your body has been through so much and he's only looking skin deep. He doesn't sound a very supportive dp. I don't think I'd want him as a dh

Ok, so you may need to lose weight, and are very fat, do it for you not him.
I hope you never need drugs that have weight gain as a side effect, then what.
Find out his motive, and decide if you really want to be with him

Don't marry him.
Find someone who loves you, not your appearance.
The only excess weight is your partner.

@Spidermum2 That’s appalling! Lose the baby weight by all means, then ditch the arrogant jerk.

Throw the whole man out.

Seriously.

It's one thing saying it to you in private, that's bad enough but to humiliate like that in front of friends? No. Just no.

I would be thinking very hard about losing extra weight. Namely him!!!
How awful, especially in front of someone else to make it extra humiliating. 😕

What a vile and disrespectful thing to say. And at 1 stone over bmi and with a 6 month old baby you sound slim anyway. But even if you weren't it is horrible.

I wouldn't want to continue with him let alone marry him.

So what would he do if you put on weight when you were married? See it as an excuse for an affair? Once an arsehole always an arsehole.

If according to the BMI index your only a stone overweight then the chances are you don't really need to lose any.

According to the BMI index my 5ft 7 daughter is very overweight but if you saw how slim she is then its definitely not the case;but the BMI index reckons she 2st overweight.

If he's saying he won't marry you because your Apparantly a stone heavier than you should be then I'd be reconsidering this relationship;no wonder your friend felt awkward;she was also polite because if you were my friend I wouldn't have bitten my tongue.

I think hanging a proposal over your head like this and talking about it to your friends is the shittyist behaviour. And the reward you get is God's Gift. How lucky you'd be. He really thinks he's the Bees Knees doesn't he?
Why denigrate the woman who has given him two lovely children in this way. He should be praising you to your friends, not doing you down.
Is weight the only issue... or does he have a list of your perceived flaws he'd like you to fix. If its not the only thing I'd be giving serious thought to your future with him.
What about the things he needs to fix before you'd consider marriage?
Does he intend to watch the children whilst you go to the gym?
Does he support this weight loss dream in any practical way?
How much of the general household/childcare chores does he participate in.
Could he learn to stop making mean comments about your weight?

@MotherofPoodles

If there's ever a reason for eating more cake it's this.

Off he must fuck.

😂

Love it. Totally agree . OP you are worth better.

Hi OP. What about this: lose the weight if you want to anyway, then when you get this wonderful proposal, say NO. For all the reasons on here already. In the meantime, get yourself sorted re. house and finances, so you and DC are secure. Kick him out when you refuse.

That's just unforgivable, especially in front of your friend. How fucking dare he? If indeed you're weight is stopping him from marrying you, wtf is he with you at all? I'm fucking fuming for you. You deserve far better than this. He cannot love you for who you are or your weight wouldn't stop him marrying you. Heartless twat.

I didn't rtft. But this is not him "helping". This is him feeling smug and superior and being generally condescending and patronizing.

He should love the present day you, not some idealized future thinner version of you. Encouraging you to lose weight is one thing that should have exactly NOTHING to do with getting married or not.

What a considerate partner might do to encourage weight loss :

• suggest outdoors activities to do together
• offer to take over cooking and make healthy nutritious meals
• offer to exercise together
• say he loves you regardless as you are now. If he can't he shouldn't be in a relationship with you.

Sorry op but Ime men who genuinely want to marry their partners don't wait 9 years either!

He's stringing you along and this is just another excuse and frankly a really shitty thing for him to do/say as pps have said

Get rid I've no doubt you'll be happier and healthier as a direct result of no longer being with this arse

I think this is an awful thing to say to the mother of your child who only gave birth 6 months ago. I would be re-assessing the relationship based on this comment.

Total dick, absolutely. Yet he was somehow happy to shag you at least twice. This makes him even more of a dick.

The question is why would you want a man that shallow and uncaring to propose to you? It's bad enough he said it at all but in front of someone else too, talk about trying to humiliate you too

Totally agree

With @AryaStarkWolf

Wow, he'll 'reward' you for losing weight by marrying you? Fuck that!

The marriage vows say in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do is part.

When you and someone else get married, you agree to love each other even if you get fat, even if one of you gets cancer and loses 1-2 boobs or 1-2 testicles through a life-saving operation. You agree to stick together and support each other even if one of you gets laid off and can't find another job for over a year. Even if one of you gets so depressed at work you have to quit. Even if childbirth rips your vagina. Even if your relationship goes through a temporary stressful period that leads to no sex for months and a lot of frustration. Even then.

If he loved you for real, he would have proposed already. Being asked to marry someone isn't a prize to be dangled like a carrot. Find someone worthy of your love, attention, and commitment.

It doesn't matter if he was "just joking" or "winding you up" (which is the cowardly way of saying something really mean). He's a dick. LTB.