He won’t propose until I lose weight

[Spidermum2]

A friend came round last night and we got talking about someone we know who had just got married. Friend said to me in a lighthearted way, “when is it your turn” to which dp said “I’ve told her I’ll propose when she loses weight” He has said this to me in the past, but I let it go over my head at the time. But as he has said it again, he must really mean it which hurts a lot. I’m in two minds as to whether I am over reacting. One part of me thinks it may be his way of ‘trying’ to spur me on to lose weight and in his mind thinks he’s giving me a kick up the arse and trying to be helpful. Or whether he’s being a total dick and I should consider if I want to be with him let alone marry him.

I would have to slap him, leave the rude arrogant bastard.

Yes it seems if I lose weight he will ‘treat’ me by proposing. What about proposing because he actually wants to, regardless of how I look or how much I weigh So glad I started this thread, it has really opened my eyes!

Gosh he values himself rather highly doesn’t he?

Was marriage (before your friends comment) even something you had considered before? Because 9 yrs and 2 kids in, maybe he just assumed you both didnt want to be married so hes using the weight comment just to rile you into losing weight but probably doesnt see a marriage between both of you in the future. Albeit I doubt he would be supportive of you losing weight tbh, especially if you cook for the whole family best believe he ll make s scene if you decide to start cooking healthy foods or buying separate groceries for yourself with the family budget. Id say go for it anyways your health is all that matters

Oh Op, I'm so sorry as you deserve so much better. He sounds horrid.

@Spidermum2

Yes it seems if I lose weight he will ‘treat’ me by proposing. What about proposing because he actually wants to, regardless of how I look or how much I weigh So glad I started this thread, it has really opened my eyes!

@Spidermum2

Yes it seems if I lose weight he will ‘treat’ me by proposing. What about proposing because he actually wants to, regardless of how I look or how much I weigh So glad I started this thread, it has really opened my eyes!

You’ve nailed it here OP and I’m glad this thread has helped.

No one should be expected to perform certain tasks to achieve a proposal. It’s not a job interview.

His behaviour is very manipulative and you should never consider marrying someone who tries to humiliate you like this.

@pictish

Gosh he values himself rather highly doesn’t he?

Yeah. And doesn’t value OP.

He needs to change. Not you.

hes not good enough for you
time for you to plan your escape

According to bmi, I am 1 stone heavier than I should be.

1 stone I thought you were going to say 20!!

Lose the weight ASAP to get him to propose and then ditch the pathetic twat!!

Whatever you do will never be enough for him. You'll never be allowed to forget it if you put on half a stone, or if he doesn't like how you've had your hair done. A new dress you love you'll be told to get rid of because he hates it. Doesn't matter whether he really hates it or not, he'll say it to keep you on your toes, to remember that you always have to be the way he wants you to be, and it won't stop at appearance. It'll be friends, how you keep the house.

Lose this prince of a man (I take it he looks like a young George Clooney to have such a high opinion of his worth to you) and find someone who loves you for being you. Run.

How overweight are you? If your weight is seriously impacting your health, and you are overweight due to over eating of wrong foods I don't think he is being unreasonable at all.

That is shocking and a massive red flag for 2 reasons (1) he humiliates you in front of people and (2) imagine having the pressure to stay whatever weight he deems good for the rest of your life.

I suggest you lose several stones in weight immediately by dumping his sorry arse.

@Spidermum2

Yes it seems if I lose weight he will ‘treat’ me by proposing. What about proposing because he actually wants to, regardless of how I look or how much I weigh So glad I started this thread, it has really opened my eyes!

Sounds to me like a proposal from him wouldn't exactly be a "treat", more like a life sentence. Get rid!

Ok, so you may need to lose weight, and are very fat

@Nsky No, she isn't.

Lose the weight, have him propose and then tell him you'll only marry him if he has a personality transplant. Nobody wants to marry a prick.

@joystir59

How overweight are you? If your weight is seriously impacting your health, and you are overweight due to over eating of wrong foods I don't think he is being unreasonable at all.

RTFT: the OP is one stone overweight, within six months of giving birth.

Even if you did consider this to be dangerous weight (and it’s not), the idea that an appropriate way to deal with the matter is to humiliate her in front of a friend is just nuts.

Yes read that later

@Spidermum2

Yes it seems if I lose weight he will ‘treat’ me by proposing. What about proposing because he actually wants to, regardless of how I look or how much I weigh So glad I started this thread, it has really opened my eyes!

Tell him to f*ck off!

How dare he publicly humiliate you like this!

What a twat!.

The deadweight you need to lose is him.

That's not a red flag.That's bunting.

@Spidermum2

Just to add, I had DC2 only 6 months ago

Wow! This just makes his dig worse! 🌹

I too could lose a stone (who couldnt) but have been married a long time now and my DH is quite slim . The point is he is living with you and enjoying bedtime antics with you ,but says disparaging comments in front of your friend!

You need to think hard about whether you want to stay with someone who wants you to change for them. My experience would be that he will get more controlling .If you want to marry him after this you should have a very frank conversation and if he still thinks or says that he was being funny or saying it for your good or defending himself in any way I think you should not stay.

Ugh. Never met him but I hate him already.

So much to loathe about his comment and the attitude behind it.

1. He thinks he is superior to you, that you are desperate to marry him and all he has to do is dangle the carrot. The thought that you might say no has not occurred to him!
2. That he is punishing you for not being physically ideal despite the fact you are the mother of his children and have only recently given birth.
3. That is doesn't bode well for the future. Even if you lost a stone, you will get older and saggier over time (so will he and everyone else on the planet). What will he do then? Dump you? Make more threats? So, so shallow.
4. That you are "good enough" to bear his children but he couldn't care less about reflecting your efforts as a mother by protecting you legally and financially through marriage.
5. He is cruel and amuses himself by hurting and humiliating you in front of others.
6. He is an arrogant cock.