Has he moved in (by stealth)?

[blackandwhite1]

I was having a conversation with my friend yesterday who said she didn't realise my DP had officially moved in. I said he hasn't. But her reply has got me wondering if my DP has pretty much moved in by stealth, or whether he is just here a lot.

He stays anywhere between 5 and 7 nights a week. He will get up in the morning, go to work (he's working from home), then come back to mine just before dinner. And repeat.

He doesn't have any clothes etc here, just a spare pair of underwear. I do give him dinner in the evenings. He won't shower here during the week, just when he's at mine for the weekend. He spends every other weekend at mine (he has his DC the other weekends).

Does this sound like he's basically living at mine?

Sounds like it really

Yes. Yes it does.

Surely all that matters is whether you are happy with the arrangement?

Free board and lodgings. Yes, he has.

Yep. Does he contribute to things like shopping? How long have you been together?

Does he give you money for the meals, extra electricity etc?

He sounds a bit CF

And you cook for him?

Hmm. Has he rented his flat out? If not, that's the only trick he's missed.

Happened to me. Didn't realised he had moved in until he started referring to the spare room as his dressing room. Sure enough all his clothes had migrated.
Eight years later.........

He lives at yours, uses his as the office and his weekend home for his kids

Your friend is correct and may have even mentioned it deliberately incase you hadn't noticed. So has he offered any contribution in any way to the cost of the free board and lodgings yet? Does he supply the groceries on his way back to yours or cook any of the meals at least? 🤔🤞

He sounds like he’s taking the piss a bit. He doesn’t need to have clothes or shower at yours because he’s working from his house. I bet that would be different if he was having to work in the office. He’s just keeping his house as a base for work and somewhere to see the kids twice a month. The question is how much is he contributing now that he’s basically living with you? I’m guessing he’s not putting anything into the rent as presumably he’s still paying the rent for his property. Is he helping contribute to the extra gas/electric/other bills when he’s at yours? Does he help with the cleaning? Is he doing the food shop half the time, paying for half of it and cooking half the dinners?

He's basically using his house as an office and wardrobe.

Do you provide all the food?

So he uses his place as an office but lives in yours?

Do you provide all food and pay all the bills?

If he's still paying for another home in his name, for which he pays council tax, utilities, insurance etc, in his name, then arguably he hasn't moved in. He would be a 'regular visitor'.

However, the DWP for example take a very dim view of these arrangements where the partner's 'home' is actually their mum's sofa or similar.

Also your own insurance company might expect to be told. There will be other implications, too, probably.

The issue of whether it bothers you - yes, I think you need to think about whether this is what you want and if it's good for your family.

If he doesn't keep clothes at your place, I wouldn't think of him as living with you. He just visits a lot!

he started referring to the spare room as his dressing room

Sorry, @Esspee but this has really tickled me for some reason. Did you marry him? Is he still there, wearing a smoking jacket for informal dinners at home?

It sounds like a pretty good arrangement for Him.

Sounds like it.

Are you happy with this op? Does he contribute towards food, bills etc?

@SpindleWhorl

If he's still paying for another home in his name, for which he pays council tax, utilities, insurance etc, in his name, then arguably he hasn't moved in. He would be a 'regular visitor'.

However, the DWP for example take a very dim view of these arrangements where the partner's 'home' is actually their mum's sofa or similar.

Also your own insurance company might expect to be told. There will be other implications, too, probably.

The issue of whether it bothers you - yes, I think you need to think about whether this is what you want and if it's good for your family.

He could have 10 properties in his name that he pays council tax, utilities and insurance on, it doesn’t mean he’s living in them. He’s literally living in the ops house, only leaving to go to work and see his kids twice a month. That’s hardly being a ‘regular visitor’.

Yes he has.

How come you don’t go to his? Or do you?

I have my DC most of the time which is why I don't go to his that often. Plus he rents a house with his cousin so might be a bit awkward if I was there all the time.

No he doesn't cook or pay for groceries. Starting to see what my friend was hinting at now...

Yes.

Oh dear, sounds like you have a potential cocklodger on your hands. You need to draw some boundaries here.