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Original poster

Has he moved in (by stealth)?

244 replies

blackandwhite1 · 26/07/2021 13:27

I was having a conversation with my friend yesterday who said she didn't realise my DP had officially moved in. I said he hasn't. But her reply has got me wondering if my DP has pretty much moved in by stealth, or whether he is just here a lot.

He stays anywhere between 5 and 7 nights a week. He will get up in the morning, go to work (he's working from home), then come back to mine just before dinner. And repeat.

He doesn't have any clothes etc here, just a spare pair of underwear. I do give him dinner in the evenings. He won't shower here during the week, just when he's at mine for the weekend. He spends every other weekend at mine (he has his DC the other weekends).

Does this sound like he's basically living at mine?

OP posts:
Umberellatheweatha · 26/07/2021 14:27

You met his cousin btw? You sure it usnt actually his wife and he is telling her he stays away during the week for work?

That aside though he sounds cheeky af.

ElspethFlashman · 26/07/2021 14:32

Yeah he's a cocklodger, and very happy to have meals plated to him.

It's a very unequal relationship.

You are falling into some very rigid gender roles that you may not have intended falling into.

SpindleWhorl · 26/07/2021 14:36

He doesn't pay for anything at yours? What an absolute piss-taker.

TiredButDancing · 26/07/2021 14:53

Okay, I'm usually pretty quick to be shocked at CL behaviour but he's not showering, expecting you to do his washing etc, so I'd think this more carelessness. But I'll add the rider that if it turns out he turns up, collapses on the couch while you cook dinner then clear up, then he sleeps in your comfortable bed in a quiet house and then leaves, without contributing financially, emotionally or physically to your relationship then I'll be straight back on the CL bandwagon.

Is there any discussion re him coming or not? If you have plans does he go somewhere else? How does it all work? Does he have expectations?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/07/2021 14:53

Does he just come round for dinner? Automatically?

Start saying you're busy a couple of nights a week and won't be able to see him.

FeatheredHope · 26/07/2021 14:59

Your friend is looking out for you. Sounds like you’re being used in this relationship. Have you actually met this cousin?

Treacletoots · 26/07/2021 14:59

People never not realise that food costs money and effort to cook.

He knows exactly what he's doing OP. He's taking advantage, you're unknowingly letting him and the next thing will be him bringing some washing, that he hadn't had chance to do/his washing may is broken.

He'd get one chance to sort it, or he'd be out on his arse. He knows what he's doing. Make sure you don't let him.

LtDansleg · 26/07/2021 15:00

Ok, so he does no cooking or cleaning in the house he’s cocklodging in, and he’s not paying any bills. Does he contribute financially to anything? When I met my oh he was working away (local to me) and sharing a flat with 3 other men, so we naturally spent time at my house rather than his. I had gas/electric token metres at the time and he ended up paying more bills than I did, whenever they were running low he’d stick £20 on. He was working insane hours so didn’t cook or clean at mine, he’d buy me a takeaway every week and we’d go for dinner and a night out every weekend and he’d foot the bill. Men like yours really annoy me when they’re sponging off a woman with kids, there’s money you’re spending on him that could be going to to children. It’s like he’s taking the food out of your kids mouths and you’re allowing him.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/07/2021 15:01

Just out of interest, when was the last time he took you on a nice night out?

LtDansleg · 26/07/2021 15:02

Out of interest does he clean/wash up after you’ve bought and cooked his dinner?

honeylulu · 26/07/2021 15:05

Does he never cook for you at your house? I am quite shocked by that.
Very cushy deal for him. Free dinner cooked for him, no washing up, gets to go to his nice tidy "home office" every day, 5 x sex and doesn't have to bother washing the sheets. Oh and if he gets fed up with you he can just pack up his "spare pair of underwear" and vanish back to his own life. Hmmmm.

MrsSquirrel · 26/07/2021 15:15

@ElspethFlashman

Yeah he's a cocklodger, and very happy to have meals plated to him.

It's a very unequal relationship.

You are falling into some very rigid gender roles that you may not have intended falling into.

^This
2catsandhappy · 26/07/2021 15:15

Does he have a key?

Guineapigbridge · 26/07/2021 15:20

Omg nice for him! He's taking the piss!!

Blueisnotmyfavouritecolour · 26/07/2021 15:20

This is how my ex "moved in" and in all honesty I didn't notice until one day he called me whilst i was late home from work asking what time I'd be home as there was no dinner ready Hmm

litterbird · 26/07/2021 15:26

He stays between 5 and 7 nights a week? Yup he has virtually moved in....ok if thats ok with you? Be mindful what you do for him as he will expect it all the time when he does get his underpants in the drawer permanently....beware of the Cocklodger!

OliveToboogie · 26/07/2021 15:27

If you don't want him to be there all the time tell him. It's your house. My DP and I lived together for a few years. He left to go look after his parents which I totally agree with. I could not live with him again. Like my own space too much. See each other 2-3 times a week which suits us fine. Been together 6:5years and love each other but can't live together😊😊

Original poster
blackandwhite1 · 26/07/2021 15:28

To try and answer some of the questions, no he doesn't wash up after dinner, no he never cooks for me unless I'm ill, he buys a takeaway about once a month, and yes I have met the cousin he lives with.

OP posts:
Original poster
blackandwhite1 · 26/07/2021 15:29

I haven't really noticed how much he's here until my friend spoke to me yesterday. I've been feeling a little smothered by him always being around but guess I didn't see the link.

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 26/07/2021 15:30

He's got it made then. Free food round yours for at least 25 days every month without him having to think about it, shop for it, pay for it, cook it and clean away afterwards and all he has to do is buy a £20 takeaway once a month.

How, just how, have you sleepwalked into this?

summercupcake · 26/07/2021 15:31

Getting all groceries bought, meals cooked, bills paid, washing up and housework done for him, and sex too. No wonder he's moved himself in, sounds like the dream life!

frazzledasarock · 26/07/2021 15:32

Tell him not to come round tonight you’ve want a quiet night. You’ll see him at the weekend.

See how he responds

SwanShaped · 26/07/2021 15:32

Sounds pretty cushty to me! I’d love that.

bigbaggyeyes · 26/07/2021 15:33

That amount of time spent in your house I'd be expecting him to be pulling his weight housework etc, plus contributing towards food and bills. If you get the council tax 25% discount you may also have to think about cancelling that too

Pavlova31 · 26/07/2021 15:36

Have you met this cousin Op ?
I can't help wondering if they just happen to be called "Wife" ...

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