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Original poster

My husband took my credit card

442 replies

Sophiewoods · 30/06/2021 22:50

Hey, my husband and I agreed together on a budget and that I was supposed to stick to this budget. However last week I was about £20 over this budget. My hubby got really annoyed with me for this, especially as he has managed to stick to his side of the agreement. He has now taken away my credit card to our joint account and has given me cash for my budget this week and says he will give me money every week. As much as I realise what I did was bad and he has a right to be annoyed, I think him taking away my credit card is an over reaction and a bit controlling. I think he should trust me more. It is a massive pain having to pay in cash and also I can't buy things online and use Amazon. I'm 34, my husband in 37. We have 2 kids, 4 and 6. I work part time. Everything else in our relationship is great. Do you think I am right to think he is being a bit controlling? I know he is trying to help me stick to this budget but it seems a bit of an over the top reaction to me

OP posts:
singlehun · 01/07/2021 20:08

@PostcodeJack

No. She says she does 90% of this. Not pays for it
Don't be daft, she clearly means that she buys 90% from the end of that particular post
Quartz2208 · 01/07/2021 20:11

He has no right to call you irresponsible OP.

And you need I think to remedy the not being involved. I think he is MASSIVELY underestimating the amount needed for shopping, kids and household stuff and giving himself too much spending money.

Sit down together and go through your monthly incoming and outgoings and agree a reasonable amount to spend on each other. Shopping/Kids/household is not part of your £80 but a general amount. Then you should both have an equal amount of spends on you

Discuss with each set of parents their expectations as to return and a payment plan.

And tell him he cannot treat you like a child with this when he clearly has no clue as to what is needed

Original poster
Sophiewoods · 01/07/2021 20:12

I just feel really down about it all tbh and feel he is being controlling and disrespectful and it is over the top. Like also before both our spending was too much and he accepted this when we first started the budget but now he is saying it was my fault we got into this mess in the first place

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 01/07/2021 20:14

Was your overspending on you or household/kids? I have a feeling he has no clue as to costs involved.

You need to sit down and be honest with him about the fact he is controlling/disrespectful and needs to be realistic. If he budgeted that for shopping/household/kids/you £80 and then him £40 he is either selfish or clueless or both

singlehun · 01/07/2021 20:14

If you were my daughter and I found out all of this was going on in your world because you felt you had to pay me back I'd tell you I didn't want to see that money for a long time!

EmpressSuiko · 01/07/2021 20:18

Is the £80 budget for bills or for leisure?

MichelleScarn · 01/07/2021 20:20

@EmpressSuiko

Is the £80 budget for bills or for leisure?
Exactly
chickenyhead · 01/07/2021 20:21

@Sophiewoods

I do do most of the shopping and household stuff and everything for the kids but we agreed this and I have a bigger budget although I do think maybe it could be bigger
She runs the house on that money. 4 people. No spending money.
redastherose · 01/07/2021 20:22

By the sound of it his budget or rather your joint budget is unworkable. A sensible budget takes all income and pools it, then pays essential bills (rent/mortgage, council tax, insurances, utilities, car expenses, an average amount for weekly food shopping and a sum for new clothes for dc etc) then allocates a sum to repay your family debt if possible and then and only then do you divide the remainder between you equally for extras. You can't have a budget where you are responsible for feeding and clothing the family and paying for stuff for the dc and he gets £40 fun money and criticises you for overspending.

Original poster
Sophiewoods · 01/07/2021 20:22

@EmpressSuiko

Is the £80 budget for bills or for leisure?
It doesn't include bills but mainly for food and things for the kids
OP posts:
peboh · 01/07/2021 20:23

£80 a week works out to £340 ish a month. If this is just disposable income, what are you spending it on? That's a good amount of money if it isn't including bills/utilities/monthly shopping etc.
He isn't being controlling. You agreed to something, and you've taken the piss every single week. You aren't in a rush to pay back the money you owe because people aren't nagging. Crikey, as an adult you shouldn't have to be nagged to clear your debts. Yes dh should have sat you down and had a conversation instead of just taking the debit card, but quite frankly I don't blame him. You sound very entitled.

PostcodeJack · 01/07/2021 20:24

If I got this wrong then I apologise

chickenyhead · 01/07/2021 20:25

@peboh

£80 a week works out to £340 ish a month. If this is just disposable income, what are you spending it on? That's a good amount of money if it isn't including bills/utilities/monthly shopping etc. He isn't being controlling. You agreed to something, and you've taken the piss every single week. You aren't in a rush to pay back the money you owe because people aren't nagging. Crikey, as an adult you shouldn't have to be nagged to clear your debts. Yes dh should have sat you down and had a conversation instead of just taking the debit card, but quite frankly I don't blame him. You sound very entitled.
RTFT
singlehun · 01/07/2021 20:25

I hated the sound of this from the start amd can't believe you had such a pile on from people making huge assumptions as though it's out of the realms of possibility that a man could be controlling in this way.

Happens all the time and I'm sorry it's happening to you OP

You've really kept your dignity on this thread. I hope your DH is having a mad moment and that you can work on a suitable budget together

User0ne · 01/07/2021 20:26

If you're managing to feed and clothe 2 adults and 2 kids as well as buying all the other household items for £80 a week then you are doing pretty well. I'd tell your husband that you want to swap; then you can have some fun money and he can see how unrealistic his/your budget is.

peboh · 01/07/2021 20:27

@chickenyhead I have, I still feel the op is being entitled. I can't imagine how paying off debts isn't an important thing to her. Yes she needs to sit down with her dh and discuss the budget, but she should have done this before overspending every week when they both agreed to a set number.

EmpressSuiko · 01/07/2021 20:36

How has he worked out £80 to be enough to cover shopping for a family of 4 plus anything else they children may unexpectedly need?
I think you need to go over the budget again as I wouldn’t be able to keep to that, kids always need clothes, medicine, school costs etc I know there’s cheaper places to buy food from but even then £80 a week to cover everything seems extremely tight!

EmpressSuiko · 01/07/2021 20:37

Our of interest what does he spend his £40 on?

chickenyhead · 01/07/2021 20:40

[quote peboh]@chickenyhead I have, I still feel the op is being entitled. I can't imagine how paying off debts isn't an important thing to her. Yes she needs to sit down with her dh and discuss the budget, but she should have done this before overspending every week when they both agreed to a set number. [/quote]
I don't know, you know, he doesn't sound like the most reasonable man on planet earth to me.

Her parents might actually be horrified that she was living this way.

But ride that high horse.

Mymapuddlington · 01/07/2021 20:42

You get twice as much as him and are struggling. As someone in the same boat but my partner overspends I can understand the frustration. It genuinely makes me so cross that I’m going without and struggling to pay everything when he doesn’t seem to think about going over budget.

EmpressSuiko · 01/07/2021 20:52

@Mymapuddlington

You get twice as much as him and are struggling. As someone in the same boat but my partner overspends I can understand the frustration. It genuinely makes me so cross that I’m going without and struggling to pay everything when he doesn’t seem to think about going over budget.
She gets twice as much as him but has to use that money on buying the groceries and anything her 2 children need. I don’t think OP had said what her husband spends his money on.
debbrianna · 01/07/2021 20:59

The op is dripfeeder and it's annoying 😒

Original poster
Sophiewoods · 01/07/2021 21:05

Sorry have been at work today and also had to do stuff with kids and it was quite overwelming having so many replies! But thank you everyone for replying

OP posts:
CastawayQueen · 01/07/2021 21:09

@EmpressSuiko

How has he worked out £80 to be enough to cover shopping for a family of 4 plus anything else they children may unexpectedly need? I think you need to go over the budget again as I wouldn’t be able to keep to that, kids always need clothes, medicine, school costs etc I know there’s cheaper places to buy food from but even then £80 a week to cover everything seems extremely tight!
Exactly - one could ‘just about’ manage but that’s with very very tight planning and nothing unexpected happening. But schools are always coming up with things the parents need to buy (like dress up as a space alien whatever day) Also there’s no personal spend OP’s husband meanwhile looks like it’s ALL personal
Original poster
Sophiewoods · 01/07/2021 21:21

I am really upset by this, whenever we talk about it he is not very respectful, whenever I raise concerns about the budget he always talks over me and says he is doing fine with his. And he also keeps reminding me I've agreed to it now and he keeps reminding me that it is my fault. I know it largely is my fault but like it has really upset me. I know he has good intentions but I am questioning whether I really want to be married to him, but I feel really awful thinking this

OP posts: