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Original poster

My husband took my credit card

442 replies

Sophiewoods · 30/06/2021 22:50

Hey, my husband and I agreed together on a budget and that I was supposed to stick to this budget. However last week I was about £20 over this budget. My hubby got really annoyed with me for this, especially as he has managed to stick to his side of the agreement. He has now taken away my credit card to our joint account and has given me cash for my budget this week and says he will give me money every week. As much as I realise what I did was bad and he has a right to be annoyed, I think him taking away my credit card is an over reaction and a bit controlling. I think he should trust me more. It is a massive pain having to pay in cash and also I can't buy things online and use Amazon. I'm 34, my husband in 37. We have 2 kids, 4 and 6. I work part time. Everything else in our relationship is great. Do you think I am right to think he is being a bit controlling? I know he is trying to help me stick to this budget but it seems a bit of an over the top reaction to me

OP posts:
BertramLacey · 01/07/2021 13:18

If OP cannot pay her share of the mortgage or rent, who do we think will? It's fine if she's a single person and wants to take the risk of repossession or eviction but it is not OK to make someone else have to live with that risk - or more likely, I would think, have to find a way to pay for it himself, even if he then has to go without the things which the OP is having in spades.

This basically describes my parents' situation, with my father being childlike and spending and my mother being the adult and bailing him out. It's created a huge amount of resentment. It's no way for anyone to live and it's not a healthy relationship. If this is the way the OP and her DH is heading they really need to talk and the OP really needs to get a grip on her spending, with professional help if necessary.

singlehun · 01/07/2021 13:24

Why would they be evicted? It's money owed to parents

Confusedandshaken · 01/07/2021 13:25

@CastawayQueen

£10 says this thread is taken down by 5 p.m for being ‘outing’

@RestingPandaFace
she’s behaving like a kid. And it’s the exact same amount of money that he has

You are probably right. I'm getting fed up of interesting threads that don't go the OP's way being taken down because the OP has decided they are potentially outing or they have developed concerns. No one ever seems to have these concerns when people agree with them!
Minezatea · 01/07/2021 13:27

Why would they be evicted? It's money owed to parents

The OP has consistently overspent. If the bank of mum and dad shuts down then an actual real back will have to be approached for a loan and they do demand repayment. There are plenty of stories on here about how that can spiral into one person having to sub the other.

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 01/07/2021 13:31

Just stick to your budget from now on!

No more over spending and build some trust back. Then ask for your card back and show DH that you can work as a team to solve your debt problems.

grapewine · 01/07/2021 13:37

Vile assumptions and bullying? Such dramatics. No one is bullying the OP.

CBeebiesob · 01/07/2021 13:44

Maybe you need to divide the extra money three ways, one portion for each of you, and one portion to go on the kids.

Notaroadrunner · 01/07/2021 13:47

@gemmasaurus

IMO I think you should have separate accounts, no one should be punished in this way, money is an essential part of daily living.
Buying presents for friends is not essential, especially when you are in debt to other people.
Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 01/07/2021 13:53

@Notaroadrunner
"Buying presents for friends is not essential, especially when you are in debt to other people."

But do you know if he spends money on friends? It may be that they both do, but her allowance gets pushed £20 over because of topping up essentials at home. We don't know. OP hasn't said what they spend on.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/07/2021 14:00

The OP is not being denied money, FFS!!

She has the SAME allotted amount, just in CASH, so she can't "accidentally" overspend.

Jeez .

Diwoo · 01/07/2021 14:00

Probably already been asked but is your budget just your money for spending how you please or are we talking for food, bills etc?

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 01/07/2021 14:03

She is being denied the choice of how to spend that money though. As she's already said, using cash on Amazon isn't an option.

singlehun · 01/07/2021 14:05

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

The OP is not being denied money, FFS!!

She has the SAME allotted amount, just in CASH, so she can't "accidentally" overspend.

Jeez .

Imagine having to use cash though? Lots of places don't even take cash at the moment
SuperstoreFan · 01/07/2021 14:17

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

She is being denied the choice of how to spend that money though. As she's already said, using cash on Amazon isn't an option.
Well maybe she should stop going over budget then?
justasking111 · 01/07/2021 14:18

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

She is being denied the choice of how to spend that money though. As she's already said, using cash on Amazon isn't an option.
She has not got any money though, it is owed to her and his parents.
Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 01/07/2021 14:31

We still don't know what the money is being spent on though. If she's running the house from it and ends up having to spend extra in cash rather than buying online then that seems nuts. We don't know what the cash is for or what either of them spend their allotted amounts on. Its PPs who mention pocket money, not OP. Its also not in any of the OPs posts that they have the exact same amount of money to spend. We haven't been told whether she runs the house with this money or what the husband spends his (unknown) amount on. There has just been a lot of speculation.

SuperstoreFan · 01/07/2021 14:54

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

We still don't know what the money is being spent on though. If she's running the house from it and ends up having to spend extra in cash rather than buying online then that seems nuts. We don't know what the cash is for or what either of them spend their allotted amounts on. Its PPs who mention pocket money, not OP. Its also not in any of the OPs posts that they have the exact same amount of money to spend. We haven't been told whether she runs the house with this money or what the husband spends his (unknown) amount on. There has just been a lot of speculation.
I'm pretty sure that if the OP had anything to paint herself in a better light she would have posted it.
parkesj2 · 01/07/2021 14:55

This reply has been deleted

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singlehun · 01/07/2021 15:32

I don't know about this thing where OP's money isn't hers until she's paid her parents back. We don't know what the situation is there.

If I lent my daughter money (and for a start I've been raised to never lend what I can't afford to give) then I'd not want her feeling like she owned nothing until she paid me back. I'd want her to live a pretty normal life (presents for close friends definitely) and pay me back when she could. It might be the DH applying unnecessary pressure there.

singlehun · 01/07/2021 15:33

Or her parents could be totally skint and unable to afford food... We don't know 🧐

BorderlineHappy · 01/07/2021 16:49

But do you know if he spends money on friends? It may be that they both do, but her allowance gets pushed £20 over because of topping up essentials at home. We don't know. OP hasn't said what they spend on.

Hes not the one going over budget though.So it really doesnt matter what he spends his on.

Why not just agree to pay back your own parents @Sophiewoods

He sorts out his and you pay off yours.
And pay them back,dont wait till they ask because by then its already to late and you have ruined any good will they had.

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 01/07/2021 17:02

It does matter if he does, if their individual budgets are mismatched to their needs then the budget needs to be reviewed. As a pp said, if they both get the same amount and hers goes on household stuff and his is for his personal use then that doesn't work. We don't know what they spend on or how much they each get.

fakeplantsdontlookreal · 01/07/2021 17:06

OP, one thought, when you did this budget, did you include all expenses throughout the year, such as birthday presents and one off insurances etc? Martin Lewis has a great budget spreadsheet where it makes you think of all the odds and ends, and things like haircuts, schoolshoes etc, all the things you might only buy once or twice a year, and includes them into the budget. It means that you put away the same amount each month to cover those items as well.

It also makes you look at how much you spend on something and sometimes when you see an annual amount it makes you realise your true spending habits.

Notaroadrunner · 01/07/2021 18:57

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

It does matter if he does, if their individual budgets are mismatched to their needs then the budget needs to be reviewed. As a pp said, if they both get the same amount and hers goes on household stuff and his is for his personal use then that doesn't work. We don't know what they spend on or how much they each get.
I imagine if the op was expected to pay for household stuff and food out of her budget, while her Dh was able to spend his on beer and golf outings for example, she would have stated that - it would have strengthened her argument that her Dh is controlling. However she has not stated anything of the sort.
Original poster
Sophiewoods · 01/07/2021 19:21

I do do most of the shopping and household stuff and everything for the kids but we agreed this and I have a bigger budget although I do think maybe it could be bigger

OP posts: